Date thinks I'm too nice/used to being single.

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Date thinks I'm too nice/used to being single.

Unread postby BrianOM28 » 30 August 2020, 22:04

Hi,

I'm a gay guy who's been seeing another guy for about a month, nothing official yet. We met online. I'm generally quite shy and don't really like conflict. There are times where I haven't been completely honest about my thoughts or feelings with my date, partly because I'm shy, but partly because it's early days and I worry about saying the wrong thing. He has a lot of anxiety which he's been telling me about. This isn't an issue, but he texted me to say that I can tell him if it's getting too much, he wouldn't be offended. It still seems too early to be honest about everything. But I worry he would be offended if I was too honest. I do want to lend a listening ear, but I don't want to be a counsellor. I'm quite easy going as well, but I'm worried he seems to think I'm a pushover.

I'm also quite inexperienced with dating. We've met a few times for dinner and he's stayed at mine a few times at weekends. I know there aren't any rules, but I don't know when to talk more openly about what we want from the relationship and whether we should commit to each other etc. Also, I'm so used to being single, I don't really miss him during the week (we usually meet at weekends). I guess we should just take it slowly, but I'm concerned that I might not truly fall for him. I do like him, and want to see where it goes. Also I was away for a week. He asked me if I missed him, and I honestly didn't really miss him. We'd only met a few times, nothing personal. I was just enjoying being back home with my family. Obviously I didn't want to upset him so I said I did miss him. I'm concerned I just might not be cut out for a relationship.

Also I do like kissing, but not prolonged snogging. I just get bored and find it hard to breathe lol. I always lean away after about 10. But my date usually wants to keep going. Should I mention this? Could be awkward lol

Any advice/thoughts very welcome, thanks.
BrianOM28
 
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Re: Date thinks I'm too nice/used to being single.

Unread postby dragonfire » 31 August 2020, 01:57

Sometimes the less honest we are at the beginning of a relationship, the more problems we end up causing later on. No intentionally of course, but if you see a problem and don't say anything then there's a chance it won't just go away on its own and you won't just get over it by yourself.

I know it's scary and I'm hardly an expert. But honesty can sometimes be the best policy if done right. It doesn't have to be an outpouring of everything at once, but I find that honesty tends to build trust better than trying not to hurt anybody's feelings. Again I know that's really not an easy thing to do :(

It's up to you how you play this. Do what makes you feel comfortable. But sometimes some discomfort now could save some discomfort later. And vice versa. It all depends on how you feel and there's no need to rush.
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Re: Date thinks I'm too nice/used to being single.

Unread postby Eos » 31 August 2020, 06:57

If you have been honest the whole time with him, it would have been much easier for both of you.
If you said you appreciate his company, but needed time to develop better feelings with him, my guess is that he would have understand that. But now that you said that you missed him, he must be excited about you and might not understand why you would need some time.
I would try to still be honest with him, because as Dragonfire said, being dishonest can only lead to other issues.
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