Dealing with crush/obsession

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Dealing with crush/obsession

Unread postby SEFT946 » 15 April 2021, 14:06

Hi all,

It’s my first post here, so please be gentle. I want to ask your advice/opinion about a guy I’m seeing.

We matched on tinder two weeks ago, and the conversation went extremely well. He’s much younger than me (came out last year).
When we met, I thought he looked decent, but not as nice as his photos suggested. We talked for hours, and then he asked to kiss me.
We ended up meeting again, but this time I think something changed in me.

I started to feel very strong emotions towards him. I don’t think he’s exceptionally handsome or smart, but he makes me feel butterflies in my stomach. Whenever he messages me I’m on the seventh heaven, and, if he doesn’t message end for a while I become depressed. I look at his photos all the time and thinking about him. Not sexually by the way - I’m not a horny guy at all. In the meanwhile (we met twice more), since I started to actually feel something for him, I kinda stocked his Instagram. I know for a fact he’s talking with other guys from Grindr and Tinder.

I’m pretty sure I fell in love with him. I think I want us to be physical, but that’s not that important. I’m frantically afraid that he’s not attracted to me (although he always says he is), and that he’ll get bored and wouldn’t want to meet me again. I usually sent him messages like “I had a great time” afterwards (he sent that in the first meeting and afterwards I kept doing it). I didn’t send it after the last time we met at this place. I really want to, and I want to ask him if he wants us to meet again.

I don’t really understand what I’m felling now. Do I love him? Is it an obsession? Is it a normal crush? Should I not show that I’m interested? How should I keep my cool and not look over interested? Should I ask about the other guys he’s talking with? The only thing I know is that he's constantly on my mind, to the point it interferes with my day-to-day life.
Last edited by SEFT946 on 17 April 2021, 08:50, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Dealing with crush/obsession

Unread postby Jasper1 » 15 April 2021, 21:29

I would describe it as lust. It should not be confused with love but very easy to do. He’s a young guy who has just come out so I’m sure he’s going to explore his new found freedom and that’s perfectly natural.

I would play it cool. Keep the conversation going but don’t always be the one to initiate it. If he’s really into you he will want to check in to see how you are. It sounds like you have the foundations for something that could develop in the sense that you can hold a conversation. Invite him out for drinks, a walk etc and get to know him more.

With regard to not taking things further in bed, maybe he didn’t want to go too far at his parents house and if so then I get that also. I don’t think I would want to get too heavy with someone under my parents roof especially if he’s just come up and they’re getting used to it. It’s just good manners really.

Play it cool. It’s early doors and if you are going to get with someone of this age then you have to also know that he will be sexually immature and will blow hot and cold so it’s not going to be smooth sailing.

Good luck!
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