Does he not love me?

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Does he not love me?

Unread postby Sager9397 » 7 December 2020, 05:30

So I've been with this guy for about 5 months now. I truly love him, but we have a big problem, no sex.

We get along very well, we connect, we hug, we sleep together, we kiss, we shop and we enjoy each other's company, however, there is no sex at all. In the past 3 months we've has sex maybe once every 2 weeks, and we sleep together a lot. I can be next to him and get hard and take my dick out, but he won't even touch it. He always tells me that he is not in the mood. And because he is determined to only be a top, he won't let me top him, and he refuses to give me a blow job.

What I hate is that even if I'm not 100% in the mood, if he was to ask me to do anything to satisfy him, I would, because I love him and making him happy makes me happy. But this is not enough sex for me at all. I'm like missing the sexual connection with this guy.

Another issue is that he kept telling me at first about how many times he had sex in the past and how he loves to give "straight guys" blow jobs and it just makes me feel like crap.

Does he not care about me? What can I do? :cry:
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Re: Does he not love me?

Unread postby INFJGay7 » 7 December 2020, 18:13

I literally just went through this with my last ex boyfriend of two months. The first few weeks he showed some interest in sex and then all of a sudden it dropped off completely without explanation. It made me crazy anxious because I did not know how to handle it. I felt insecure, unlovable, and unattractive. There could be several things going on here in your case. One, like in my case, your partner has a deep fear of intimacy that prevents him from having sex with you. He still might have some very strong feelings for you, but his deep insecurities or past traumas affect his ability to be vulnerable with someone who genuinely loves and cares about him. I can understand how it feels when he discusses past sexual encounters- its something called retroactive jealousy that I certainly went through myself. You think something is wrong with you because he can get pleasure from everyone but you, and it makes you super jealous. Does he have mental health issues such as anxiety or depression or stress? Does he frequently use drugs or alcohol? This could also be affecting things.

I hate to have to bring it up, but another possibility is that he is looking elsewhere for pleasure. I have also been through this myself. I am not saying this is the case with you, but it is something that you need to consider and understand the signs.

My ex would go on Grindr and porn to "jerk off to guys so he wouldn't get all up in his head." It boils down to again this deep fear of intimacy and abandonment. There is little you can do yourself, problems like these take years of professional mental help.

No matter what, its definitely a conversation you need to have with your partner. It'll be uncomfortable, but its necessary for your well being and future of the relationship.
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Re: Does he not love me?

Unread postby RenĂ© » 7 December 2020, 22:28

He may simply be suffering from low libido. There could be a medical cause of this which may be treatable, such as (relatively) high prolactin, treatable with cabergoline, or it may be a side effect of a medication.

In any event, it may respond to any one or a combination of e.g. Athletic Edge APE testosterone booster, D-aspartic acid (DAA), boron, zinc, selenomethionine (selenium supplement), various other supplements, cabergoline as mentioned, or improving diet/fitness. An erectile-dysfunction medication like tadalafil may also be useful (even in the absence of erectile dysfunction) (but sildenafil/Viagra is best avoided).
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Re: Does he not love me?

Unread postby Sager9397 » 7 December 2020, 23:12

INFJGay7 wrote:I literally just went through this with my last ex boyfriend of two months. The first few weeks he showed some interest in sex and then all of a sudden it dropped off completely without explanation. It made me crazy anxious because I did not know how to handle it. I felt insecure, unlovable, and unattractive. There could be several things going on here in your case. One, like in my case, your partner has a deep fear of intimacy that prevents him from having sex with you. He still might have some very strong feelings for you, but his deep insecurities or past traumas affect his ability to be vulnerable with someone who genuinely loves and cares about him. I can understand how it feels when he discusses past sexual encounters- its something called retroactive jealousy that I certainly went through myself. You think something is wrong with you because he can get pleasure from everyone but you, and it makes you super jealous. Does he have mental health issues such as anxiety or depression or stress? Does he frequently use drugs or alcohol? This could also be affecting things.

I hate to have to bring it up, but another possibility is that he is looking elsewhere for pleasure. I have also been through this myself. I am not saying this is the case with you, but it is something that you need to consider and understand the signs.

My ex would go on Grindr and porn to "jerk off to guys so he wouldn't get all up in his head." It boils down to again this deep fear of intimacy and abandonment. There is little you can do yourself, problems like these take years of professional mental help.

No matter what, its definitely a conversation you need to have with your partner. It'll be uncomfortable, but its necessary for your well being and future of the relationship.


I'm sorry to hear about your past experiences, that must of hurt a lot.

Yeah, he has depression and anxiety issues. Past sexual trauma is also a thing. This just suckes because I love him so much and I don't want this to have to be what ends our relationship. Also, thanks for explaining the jealousy thing, I thought I was crazy.

I am trying to learn to live without this, but in the end I will be miserable. I need more.
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Re: Does he not love me?

Unread postby INFJGay7 » 8 December 2020, 02:18

It definitely still stings, as we all know rejection is the freaking worst lol.

So it does sound like there are some underlying issues for him that are affecting your relationship. It surely doesn't have to be what ends the relationship. I could've lived with the lack of sexual interest from my ex, but there were a number of other compounding issues as well that led to its dissolution. You have to determine what YOUR needs are and your feelings for your partner. It seems like you do have strong feelings, which is great! Just make sure that you are both on the same page. Again, talking about it is essential. If he really is the man for you, he will want to hear your concerns and work with you to come to a solution.
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Re: Does he not love me?

Unread postby Sager9397 » 8 December 2020, 05:07

INFJGay7 wrote:It definitely still stings, as we all know rejection is the freaking worst lol.

So it does sound like there are some underlying issues for him that are affecting your relationship. It surely doesn't have to be what ends the relationship. I could've lived with the lack of sexual interest from my ex, but there were a number of other compounding issues as well that led to its dissolution. You have to determine what YOUR needs are and your feelings for your partner. It seems like you do have strong feelings, which is great! Just make sure that you are both on the same page. Again, talking about it is essential. If he really is the man for you, he will want to hear your concerns and work with you to come to a solution.


Thanks for your help guys, I really appreciate it. :heart:
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