Don't know what to do

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Don't know what to do

Unread postby Safigooner » 31 January 2020, 11:37

Hey guys, I need some advice on an issue that's been a pain in my ass for a while now,

So to make it short, my boyfriend is 24 years old, he went to the army from age 19-22 after finishing high school, then worked for 2 years until October 2019. Since then he has been jobless, he did apply for like 2-3 jobs, but didn't get the job.

My issue here is that I don't see enough effort of him to get his life back on track, it's been 3 months now. He has a daily routine since he got fired which is to stay up every night till 5 am (sometimes later than that), playing video games and watching netflix, and waking up at 3-4 p.m. the next day. He doesn't even search online for a job or download an app that might help him, he is counting on his friends and family to find him one and that isn't producing anything.

We had to stop doing a lot of things because of his situation such as travelling, eating outside, going to motels etc....
I have been patient with this whole situation for 3 months now, and I don't see any change in the horizon. I have talked to him about it on several occasions, even searched for a job for him in my free time but my patience is running low.
I told him he is being irresponsible in his life and acting like a child, which is such a turn off. He will start college at the end of the year so now it is the perfect time to find a job, make some money and have fun.
He said that this whole situation is only temporary (again, been 3 months) and that he is optimistic and that I should stop bringing him down with my nagging. He even said "let me enjoy my vacation now", like how the fuck is that even a vacation ?

Am I being too selfish here or do I have a valid point ? I mean I know this is his life but I feel this whole situation is effecting our relationship. I still buy him presents from time to time, he on the other hand didn't buy me anything since he got fired which I understand, but he can buy for himself music cd's and decoration for his room which I don't understand.
I feel like I am being deprived of having fun in my life because of his irresponsibility. We were supposed to travel this month but we had to put it off till he gets his life sorted again, which by the looks of it might take a while.
His personality has changed as well, he became so lazy, nonchalant, his mood is like a pregnant woman's one, and from time to time he feels depressed.

What do you guys think ? Is there anything I can do to get him on his feet and actually go out and look for a job or it's a waste of energy and time ?
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Re: Don't know what to do

Unread postby René » 31 January 2020, 11:41

First of all, why was he fired from his previous job?
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Re: Don't know what to do

Unread postby Safigooner » 31 January 2020, 11:44

René wrote:First of all, why was he fired from his previous job?


Well they had to let a couple of people go because of financial issues, and since he is young and doesn't have a family to support or anything, he was one of the chosen.
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Re: Don't know what to do

Unread postby René » 31 January 2020, 11:59

Safigooner wrote:
René wrote:First of all, why was he fired from his previous job?

Well they had to let a couple of people go because of financial issues, and since he is young and doesn't have a family to support or anything, he was one of the chosen.

Ah, so it's more a case of being made redundant than getting fired :)
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Re: Don't know what to do

Unread postby Safigooner » 31 January 2020, 12:05

René wrote:
Safigooner wrote:
René wrote:First of all, why was he fired from his previous job?

Well they had to let a couple of people go because of financial issues, and since he is young and doesn't have a family to support or anything, he was one of the chosen.

Ah, so it's more a case of being made redundant than getting fired :)


Yes but i don't think that's the point lol
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Re: Don't know what to do

Unread postby Eryx » 31 January 2020, 17:42

Maybe there are underlying issues? If he had enough money to do things and support himself without a job (which is sort of my case right now), I wouldn't see a problem with not rushing for one, but that doesn't seem to be the case if he keeps needing to cancel plans.

If he's feeling depressed from time to time and ignoring real life through Netflix content up until 5 a.m., he may be trying to escape his reality for some reason. Maybe he's discouraged about working with something he doesn't like just for the sake of working, or maybe he's waiting for something to change. It's a dangerous spiral he could go down on, though.

Sorry, I don't have much of an advice to give. I've been in his position and yours, and things sorted themselves out, but it wasn't easy and I don't really know what went right for me to get out of them.
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Re: Don't know what to do

Unread postby Jzone » 1 February 2020, 04:23

Safigooner wrote:What do you guys think ? Is there anything I can do to get him on his feet and actually go out and look for a job or it's a waste of energy and time ?

No, there is nothing you can do to get him on his feet. His behavior shows that he is not interested in getting on his feet. He would rather enjoy his "vacation" until he is back in college than get a job. Who will be paying his expenses while he is at college? Who is paying his expenses now? I'm guessing he will be happy to have a boyfriend or husband pay his expenses and allow him to play video games and watch netflix until 3am.

Is that what you want?
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