I'm The "Perfect Boyfriend" but gets pushed away

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I'm The "Perfect Boyfriend" but gets pushed away

Unread postby INFJGay7 » 27 November 2020, 02:44

Hey all, I ended my two-month relationship with my boyfriend a few weeks ago, so bear with me!

We met online over the summer, and within a week of talking to each other he asked me to be his boyfriend. I was initially hesitant, but the excitement of finally meeting someone new after a year of being "boy-free" and his amicable forwardness swept me off my feet. The first few weeks were great, and I slowly started to meet his family and friends. He was initially very open about our relationship, posting photos on social media and such. I was even invited to come to a large family function, and apparently I was his first partner who met his whole family. I got along very well with them all, and from what I know I got very good feedback from everyone (lol). However, it was during this event that I could tell he was pulling away emotionally. As a highly sensitive person with brutal anxiety and a keen sense of others feelings, I started to freak out internally. In part because I really liked him and didn't want to lose him, and also in part because I have previously dated and been hurt by emotionally distant men. And, as a result of my internal panicking, I decided to pop out the "I love you." It wasn't that it was at all insincere, but I guess my feelings and now his sudden withdrawal forced me to try to pull him back. I said he didn't need to say it back, it was just how I felt and that I did not want to pressure him. I now know this was not the right decision lol. In the weeks that followed, he continued to pull further and further away, emotionally and completely sexually, which set my anxiety off through the roof. He stopped advertising our relationship, though our normal "routine" of seeing each other continued the same. I finally confronted him about it and things started to get pretty messy. I got a number of excuses- work was stressing him out, he had been single for a while prior to me as well and didn't know how to handle it, he was currently a "lost confused mess", and all that crap. He would even say things to me like "you should just go find somebody else" and "I just want you to be free." Me being the empathetic person I am decided to stay and try to work things out with him, something that we both agreed to. The last week things blew up after I had an anxiety attack about the situation which prompted him to ask for a break so he could "figure himself out" and "wasn't looking to replace me at all." Again, I stupidly agreed. A day after this I got a knot in my stomach that something was wrong, and I discovered that he was on Grindr. I confronted him angrily (I had been cheated on through Grindr before and he knew that) and he said he was just doing it for the pictures, downloaded it after we took the break, and was trying to "escape reality." He claimed that grindr means nothing to him and then deleted it. I was a mess still, and promptly decided to throw in the towel. Two weeks later he's back on grindr all day every day (thanks to my friend who I annoyed constantly to check) and redownloaded the app we met on and unmatched me from it.

So theres the story- but my question is why would he make me feel so special and then just throw me away just as quickly. Besides the emotional disconnect, we are very similar people in terms of lifestyle and interests. He told me multiple times I was the perfect boyfriend, I was very attractive, that his family and friends all liked me, no one ever cared about him as much as I did, his exes were weirdos or also unavailable, etc. I put in 110% the whole time we dated, and he knew that. Now that its all over this is what Im struggling with the most. He had a diamond and just threw it in the trash. I don't really miss him or the relationship given all this. I guess my ego is just burnt badly. Just looking for thoughts or advice. Thank you.
Last edited by INFJGay7 on 7 December 2020, 18:30, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Emotionally Unavailable Men

Unread postby Eos » 27 November 2020, 09:59

My opinion is that your relationship went too quickly, especially since he didn't seem ready for a relationship.
There has been a few mistakes from both side.
You already met his family, so of course this kinda put you in a confortable place. I also think you shouldn't have said "I love you", especially since it was obvious he wasn't ready.
Either way I don't think you could have done much against this, he doesn't seem ready for commitment.
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