Ex back on Grindr

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Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby Adam0884 » 12 February 2019, 15:22

Hi, so I’ll try keep this as short as I can. Me and my ex broke up 4 days ago after weeks of pointless bickering I called time on our relationship and within 3 hours he was back on Grindr (we were together 2 years) i found out through a friend who also uses the app. Apparently he is practically living on it , all day and night. I feel totally crushed by this and don’t know how to deal with the waves of emotion that keep hitting me. We have had no contact since the split. Any advice would be appreciated :confused:
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby Eryx » 12 February 2019, 16:11

Hi, Adam! First off, welcome to the forums.

I don't intend for this to sound like me defending your ex, but his return to Grindr might not have anything to do with him not truly liking you. I behaved the same way when I went through break ups and I didn't do it with the intention to hurt my exes or because I didn't feel anything for them. I just wanted to lash out, be with other people, forget about the past I suppose. I wanted to get some comfort with someone sexually that I knew I wouldn't have with the person I was with anymore.

Most times, after going on a sex frenzy for a week or two, I'd chill out and step away from the apps for a while. This happened to me with three out of four relationships.

So I don't think you should feel like he's doing this against you or because he was just pretending to like you. Maybe it's just how he prefers to react to breaking up with you. Either way, you're the one who suggested the time off from each other, so you can't really blame him for whatever he decides to do from now on. Unfortunately, all you can do is move on with your life, or if you feel like trying to get him back, figure out how to get in touch and make your point clear.
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby mxguy01 » 12 February 2019, 16:15

Adam0884 wrote:Hi, so I’ll try keep this as short as I can. Me and my ex broke up 4 days ago after weeks of pointless bickering I called time on our relationship and within 3 hours he was back on Grindr (we were together 2 years) i found out through a friend who also uses the app. Apparently he is practically living on it , all day and night. I feel totally crushed by this and don’t know how to deal with the waves of emotion that keep hitting me. We have had no contact since the split. Any advice would be appreciated :confused:


Sometimes others are not so willing to make the move but once they do they are ready to move on. Just offering it as a possibility. Honestly you given us a one sided story with slim details. Something tells me that after two years there is more to the story. Did you tell him your expectation was no sex for him during this time out of the relationship? Did he agree? How was this time out stated?
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby Adam0884 » 12 February 2019, 16:26

There was no discussion I told him how I felt and his reply was ‘it’s over then’ he can be very childish and doesn’t take criticism well, jumps straight on the defensive and there is no reasoning with him. So we are in this current situation. I don’t class this as just a ‘break’ I have moved out of the home we shared.

He drinks every night 5 or 6 pints of beer which I don’t think is normal and concerns me, when we speak about this all I get is ‘thats Not your bussiness’ I am an adult and I’ll do as I wish. 34 years of age and carrying on like a teenager. Basically it’s his way or no way... and yet I still love the bones of him
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby Shaved-Nudist » 12 February 2019, 16:41

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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby mxguy01 » 12 February 2019, 16:42

Well clearly you decided it was time to leave and you had good reason. IMO you did the right thing. You can still love him but it's different now. Give it time and see how it plays out is my best advice. In the mean time think how much you do, or don't, want this guy in your life; sounds like you are questioning that. But expecting someone to make a miraculous personality change for the better may not be the best path.
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby Adam0884 » 12 February 2019, 16:49

I totally understand that, and I know there was underplaying issues to start with but what gets me more than anything is being on Grindr? That I can’t get my head around.

He once made a comment ‘why would I want a burger when Iv got steak at home’ always complimenting me on how I looked - which I have a bit of a complex about from my previous relationship. I’m just an average looking guy but friends and strangers tell me I’m extremely good looking so if that was the case why would he look else where?

Feel in total limbo and can’t seem to shake this off. I can’t and won’t contact him - childish I know but my ego is bruised enough.
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby Eryx » 12 February 2019, 18:10

Well, I already told you what the issue probably is. You've been together 2 years, you've broken up, now he's single and he's probably interested in seeing different dicks, bodies and dynamics. That's perfectly natural for some people and doesn't have necessarily anything to do with you. Seeing from the fact you've mentioned he drinks without caring what you think and acts childishly when confronted, that probably means he's taking the same approach here in seeing other people.

You guys are done, that's why he's looking elsewhere. It wouldn't matter if you were Brad Pitt in his golden ages.
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby mxguy01 » 12 February 2019, 18:29

I have a guy who I've been off and on with and if it came down to just body, yes, "why would I want a burger when Iv got steak at home" applies there. I should have used a leaner meat though. The truth is sooner or later it takes more than that. Way more. I stay with mine because a) I care for him, b) I've figured out how much I can let him into my life and how much I don't. Beyond that the ball is in his court. So while you figure you may never see him again that is conflicting with "I still love the bones of him". Many of us have been there. Repeatedly. Sometimes it is just that - dead. Sometimes you can still have that person in your life to some degree. Let's face it your were together for two years. Something also tells me it was far more than just the sexual aspect at least in your case. So welcome to the world of "dealing with it".
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby mxguy01 » 12 February 2019, 18:33

P.S. Do an intro and hang around if you like. You seem mostly normal; sad to say we don't get many newcomers of such.

^ Well there's a warm welcome I'm not going to win any bonus point on. XD.
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby Adam0884 » 19 February 2019, 19:53

Thanks for all the advice.. But we put our differences a side and currently working on our relationship. We spoke about Grindr and he was ‘doing it as a distraction’ :)
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby Eryx » 19 February 2019, 20:14

Hope it all works out!
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Re: Ex back on Grindr

Unread postby ajakes124 » 20 February 2019, 05:46

You gotta realise that you’re probably better off without him if he’s already looking for someone new to hook up with.
But as you said it was a distraction. If you are working things out in your relationship, if you really want him back I reckon the best thing you can do is follow the no contact rule.
Let him do his thing, you do yours and either you will have moved on or he will come back

Whatever happens good luck! I hope it works out for you but whatever happens just lookout for yourself and make sure you are happy
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