Experience with adoption?

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Experience with adoption?

Unread postby Eos » 2 April 2019, 07:50

Hi !
I'm looking for some stories if any of you had any interest in having children?
This is one of my goal in life, I've learnt so much in my life it has be a waste if I didn't share what I learned and give the happiness a lot of people gave me.

But I know that when you're gay, it's much more complicated to accomplish.

I'm still young, and I don't expect having children until I'm settled. And you can't adopt in France until you're 30 or have been married for 2 years so I don't expect having a child until my 30 or so.

But the situation right now make me worried. First there is theses adoptions center that gives a higher priority to heterosexuals couples. Second, it is that there is way more demand than offer, and I must say that I'm really afraid that my dream ends with a simple no.

The only thing that makes me hoping is that the situation might have changed in the next years.

Is there any successful (or not) story around here ?

Thanks for reading this.
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Re: Experience with adoption?

Unread postby Eryx » 2 April 2019, 13:54

Here in Brazil it's the contrary, there's a lot more people in the orphanages than couples waiting to adopt, so the process is pretty straight forward. What's sad is that a lot of white couples stay in line for years waiting for a white baby rather than adopting a black or brown one, simply because of skin color.

I would like to adopt after I'm actually married, probably at around 30 just like you. I don't really care about the skin color, and I think I'd actually prefer to adopt an older kid (4~8) than a baby, because then I won't have to go through the hassle of changing diapers and stuff and there's more interaction to be had. Plus you don't have to go through the whole "You're adopted" conversation.

I used to think a lot about having at least one biological kid. My sister's said she's willing to get pregnant with my partner's baby at some point so that we can achieve that (it would be pretty much a kid of my own, considering the genetics), but I don't know if I actually want to go through that anymore. IVF is super expensive and there's all the social complications, the fact that my sister would have to go through a 9-month pregnancy just for me, the health implications, etc. But who knows? Maybe the pieces will fall into place and that will be possible.
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Re: Experience with adoption?

Unread postby Eos » 2 April 2019, 14:52

Well I really don't care about his skin color, but each country has it's own rules for adoption, especially when it comes from another country and from gay couples. I'll look how it works in Brazil !

The only thing that I'm afraid of is to have a kid with healths issues, maybe it is selfish but I don't want to go through this terrible difficulty, even when I thought I wasn't gay I was so afraid to give birth to a child with this kind of problems. Not sure I am strong enough. I wish for the most "normal" life as possible. Even if it will be complicated with the facts he will live with 2 dads.

I'm not sure the "You're adopted" is that important to us, with 2 dads it's kinda obvious. That's why I want the kid to be as young as possible, especially if he comes from another country and need to learn my language.

Edit :
Well I just looked out for this and, on the official website from our government, there is 4 countries that allow adoptions for same-sex couples (one of them being the USA, and zero adoptions in 2018 obviously).
If I want to adopt a Brazilian (and most likely more than one since they say it is very rare to see a single child per family) I will have to stay there 2 months. I guess it will be possible but I will have to be careful since the security isn't the same than in France obviously. And I don't know how it would work out with my job...
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Re: Experience with adoption?

Unread postby Eryx » 2 April 2019, 15:31

Safety isn't an issue here for foreigners or anyone with money, really. The only dangerous areas are slums in bigger cities with problems, such as the Northeastern capitals and Rio de Janeiro. Where I live (Belo Horizonte), things are pretty chill. I can walk alone at night, go to bars, enjoy life in general without worrying. Back in the day, when I was a teenager, people wouldn't really use their phones outside because there were a lot of thieves riding bikes that would grab them from your hand and escape, but at least here that doesn't happen anymore. Plus the countryside (cities smaller than 100k) are generally regarded as safe.

But I think the two-month wait period thing is a hassle, especially because sometimes, depending on where you decide to go through the process, they'll need more time to match you to a kid, so there will be rent and expenses to be paid. Even though Brazil isn't really the most developed country out there, it's still a rich country and things are just as expensive as in developed places.

As for having to adopt more than a kid, as far as I know that's entirely up to you. You're not required to adopt a whole family together, it's only encouraged so that the kids can grow together and know they're blood-related. But there are a lot of single children as well.

But anyway, if you're really concerned about safety when thinking of adopting a child in Brazil, you should probably consider Belo Horizonte, Curitiba, Florianópolis, Londrina, which are all very safe -- the southern cities I mentioned are even safer than a lot of US big cities.
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Re: Experience with adoption?

Unread postby Eos » 2 April 2019, 15:42

Thank you a lot, of course I don't know Brazil as much as you. I know the country is developing slowly, I just had in mind how complicated was the situation for the president election some time ago, hopefully it will get better in the coming years!

I wonder, how is it to be gay in Brazil ? Are most people narrow minded or not ?

I don't know yet if I want many children. I would be afraid of having 3/4 childs at once but 1 or 2 seems cool enough.
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Re: Experience with adoption?

Unread postby Eryx » 2 April 2019, 19:08

It depends on your social setting. If you're middle class and up in the capitals, people are very open and you won't run into any problems. If you're in a small town and/or poor, it's more likely you'll have to deal with some homophobia. The most prejudiced people here are neopentecostal evangelicals. These churches prey on poor people's money and teach them all about hating gays and other religions.

I live in an upper-middle class region in my state's capital, so there were very rare moments where I felt someone was being prejudiced or homophobic. Never had a problem making friends, getting jobs... and coming out to my family was difficult at first, but everyone adapted really quickly. I'd say it isn't too different from the US or some places in Europe. Definitely better than Eastern European countries.
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Re: Experience with adoption?

Unread postby duremars » 17 November 2020, 09:42

Indeed, it is very difficult to adopt a child. Unfortunately, many people have problems with the health and they couldn't have children. So really, as you said nowadays there is much more demand than the offer. I even know that in the maternity hospitals there an unspoken queue of doctors and medical personnel who apply for children who will be abandoned my their mothers. We have a couple of friends a who abandoned twins and it took about 7 years to get the permissions and all the documents for it. But they were married for many years before starting this process and they were over 30 years old. But finally they got what you want and they are very happy. They just adore these kids and they know where to get the best for their kids. By the way, they advised me the site https://mommyhood101.com on which we always buy now everything for our baby.
Last edited by duremars on 20 November 2020, 08:42, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Experience with adoption?

Unread postby Eos » 17 November 2020, 21:12

I completely forgot my thread ! Anyway feel free to share any experience you had or might have in the future !
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