Family member issue

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Family member issue

Unread postby xeta » 11 August 2020, 19:59

Hello everyone! I would really appreciate anyone’s advice/view on this (for me) difficult situation.

I came out as bisexual the end of December last year. This because I met a Thai guy which I’ve fell in love with (and no, he’s not after money, we share all costs). He makes me really happy and I’m glad to be with him. There’s only one problem which I didn’t really took to serious but now really starts to bothers me. His family is really friendly and close to him and really sweet to me. But luckily they live an 8 hours drive away from where we live. I don’t know if it’s the culture of some, or that it’s just the family bond and taking care of each other.

His niece whose currently 18 years old lives with us for over a month. The reason why is that she came here to do her university and its already made clear that she’ll live here for the upcoming 4 years of her study. She’s in her bedroom almost 24/7, she only comes out to take food and goes back in her room. I gave my boyfriend an iPad just before she came because he really wanted one and I needed one for myself. Guess what, it’s kind of hers now and she didn’t even asked to lend it. She’s currently not going to school yet, all she does is watching Netflix. While I work from early morning till the evening from my home and then try to clean a bit before my boyfriend comes home. Beside that, she doesn’t speak English and it’s almost impossible for me to communicate with her.

This is my first men/men relationship which for me is really special in every way. I start to miss my own privacy, walking around in my shorts or topless, loud music, having sex in the living room when we have a lovely evening, you know the deal. For me it’s all new and I want to have those excited things. We are currently in our first year together which should be full of excitement and passion. But I feel like that its vanishing already which I don’t want to.

I am in love with him and that’s why I’ve said it was fine at first, but I don’t think if I’ll be able to keep this going on. What happened when his nephew turns 18? Then I have a teenage boy living here for another 4 years? Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first to help others. I don’t know what to do, she’s only 18. I can’t tell him that she needs to leave...

Thanks and sorry for spelling mistakes!
Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it.
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Re: Family member issue

Unread postby erti » 11 August 2020, 20:14

Have you tried to have like a talk between you, your boyfriend and his niece since his niece cannot speak English your boyfriend can act as a translator and have him as a mediator?
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Re: Family member issue

Unread postby xeta » 11 August 2020, 20:17

erti wrote:Have you tried to have like a talk between you, your boyfriend and his niece since his niece cannot speak English your boyfriend can act as a translator and have him as a mediator?


No I didn’t yet. I need to talk with him about this too. But still the fact remains that I start to feel sad about this cause it’s my first gay relationship and I feel like it’s not how it should go, especially the first year(s) But also don’t want to leave him.
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Re: Family member issue

Unread postby erti » 11 August 2020, 20:22

xeta wrote:
erti wrote:Have you tried to have like a talk between you, your boyfriend and his niece since his niece cannot speak English your boyfriend can act as a translator and have him as a mediator?


No I didn’t yet. I need to talk with him about this too. But still the fact remains that I start to feel sad about this cause it’s my first gay relationship and I feel like it’s not how it should go, especially the first year(s) But also don’t want to leave him.


Sometimes when you're in a relationship it can bring in some challenges. A relationship is usually not what you expect it to be. It doesn't sound too bad. Compromise. meet somewhere in the middle at least.
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Re: Family member issue

Unread postby Jasper1 » 11 August 2020, 22:22

I doubt I’m going to be any help here as I feel your pain. This would not be an ideal situation for me also and it would irritate me, mainly because I’ve always valued my own space.

Whether I’m in a new relationship or long term one I like to be able to walk around the house in my boxers when I want and have spontaneous sex when and wherever I want. I moved out of home when I was 20 so maybe I’m a bit spoilt. I don’t mind family members coming over to stay and I enjoy it but I also enjoy when they go home and I have my space back.

Are you the first guy your boyfriend has lived with also? Although it’s his family and he wants to do the right thing by them I’m sure the situation is taking some adjusting on his sides also. The only thing you can do is talk to him so he understands how you feel. He might have the same concerns as you.

Even if nothing changes with the living arrangements if you both keep the communication lines open and make extra effort to keep your relationship fun I’m sure you’ll fall into a routine that works for both of you. Hopefully once his niece is comfortable with you she’ll open up a bit and find friends locally so she’s not in the house all the time. She might even find a friend where she can stay over once a week to give you and your boyfriend some space.

Just don’t bottle things up and stop communicating. If you do this, your brain will work overtime and over dramatise the smallest things which will build up overtime.

Good luck. Sorry there is no easy solution to this one. Maybe others will be able to give you better advice.
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Re: Family member issue

Unread postby Jryski » 19 August 2020, 14:34

This is a very common asian thing in poorer asian countries. One of my ex’s landlords is Thai and their niece moved in for school and its basically the same thing.
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