Finally, I decided to share my story

Ask questions and discuss your relationships with partners or parents, family or friends.

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby René » 26 April 2020, 15:22

Frigid wrote:
René wrote:I have literally never seen or heard of this outside of anime. :lol:

Suppose anything that raises blood pressure, like being uncontrollably turned on by someone, would in theory work if the person was susceptible to nosebleeds. That said, it's still all bullshit B/L fantasy.

Image

I was indeed thinking of Master Roshi :lol:
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
René
Administrator
 
Posts: 5797
+1s received: 1803
Joined: 20 December 2012, 20:12
Location: Maryland, USA / Lanarkshire, Scotland
Country: United States (us)

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby Jryski » 26 April 2020, 18:29

Imagine if ppl’s noses would start spurting blood everytime they get turned on. It’d be such a mood killer xD
User avatar
Jryski
 
Posts: 646
+1s received: 422
Joined: 6 May 2019, 10:00

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby erti » 26 April 2020, 18:42

Jryski wrote:Imagine if ppl’s noses would start spurting blood everytime they get turned on. It’d be such a mood killer xD


Oh Japan!
User avatar
erti
 
Posts: 1025
+1s received: 660
Joined: 30 November 2018, 09:58
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Country: United States (us)

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby xiii_1991 » 26 April 2020, 22:16

Spring came fast. I got back to university very early. This time I felt less heavy mood. I started to do the cleanning as soon as I arrived our living quarter. My 13 roommates left quite a mess before the holidays.
As I was doing the housework, I was considering if I should/could send a text to Mr.X. We never contacted again after the new year's eve. It had been 2 weeks. I thought if I contact him too frequently, I may bother him and lose this thin connection. I wasn't sure if 2 weeks is enough to hide my long for him.
After the housework, I sat down by the window. I thought I was losing my mind struggling on this. It's just a normal hello, it won't bother him. I tried to convince myself. Anyway, I picked up my phone, and texted:
"Hey. I've already get back to university. When would you go?"
I quickly checked it again to made sure my tone is normal, before I pressed the button.
Is he busy on doing something? Would he consider me annoying then just ignore me? Or maybe he just is busy so he didn't see? Would he talk to me again like an usual friend? Or would he just tell me never to text him again? I thought a lot in several seconds, it felt too long.
"Oh." He replied. I stared at the word. So, this means he read, but that was all. But is this mean he don't want to talk back, or he thought we're close so he don't need to reply me properly?

After that, I scheduled days to text him, so it won't be too frequently. And I was thinking about what things I should text him about and use what words, and tried to consider posibilities he might react. And how would I reply not to make him feel bothered.
Sometimes he told me about his life. Sometimes he just ignored. Also, I played hard on studies. I thought if I tried my best, I could be a very reliable friend in the future when he needed help.
Anyway, I managed this slight connection very carefully for 2 months.

It was a quiet, wet and and a warm midnight. I sneaked out of university (we had curfew), to salvage a drunk roommate at a bar. On my way back (the roommate was in hospital), suddenly I recieved his message.
"Have you slept?" It's mid night, so something happened? I replied immediately that I haven't. Then he called.
He was upset, and I was hard to hear what he was saying clearly. I worried a lot, and kept asking what happened. He sounded very chocked, I thought he cried. I told him to calm down. And I started to calculate if I can afford taking a taxi to train station and buy a ticket to his city right now, and when I got there if violence is necessary, maybe I can use my keys as a weapon. I was very anxious.

"I know I dumped you, and you probably don't want to talk to me..." he talked brokenly, "... I thought you hated me. So, do you still love me? Do you still want to accept me?"
This is too sudden for me. I was stunned. I felt mixed feelings and I nearly cried too.
I considered for a moment, I decided to make this a little relaxable, so I quoted a line --
"Actually, I think of you when I'm doing only one thing -- it's breathing."

I can't remember what we talked next. But after the night we're together. I did had daubt that maybe he was just using me to comfort his upset-ness. But I decided to open my heart, even if he might dump me again. I thought I can handle the hurts one more time.
We call each other every night for hours. And kept texting to each other every minute, oh, maybe every 2 minutes. We talked about everything, it felt like he was just here, by my side, and also the other way. It was like we were at two places at same time, and also were together. And I always send him a 'good morning, honey' every night after he slept, in case he got up earlier than me.

Soon summer came, I was very excited about going back home and meeting him. And I finally could have a sweet summer by the sea with him I wanted for so long.
But I also sensed a slight wrongness in the happieness, all of this was too sudden, and what happened that night? We never talked about that, and I wasn't dare to ask. I thought I was just afraid to know what I might discover. But I know eventually we would have to come to that topic, I just wanted to keep current status longer, even if it was just a phantom of desire.

So, I stepped on the train. And this time, I know the trip won't felt long.
User avatar
xiii_1991
 
Posts: 29
+1s received: 9
Joined: 30 July 2019, 04:53

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby Neuro » 28 April 2020, 00:06

Waiting the update :3
User avatar
Neuro
 
Posts: 49
+1s received: 39
Joined: 9 April 2020, 13:13
Country: Hong Kong (hk)

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby xiii_1991 » 29 April 2020, 12:50

OK, I can't believe I just forgot it when I post the paragraph above, that I wasn't going straight home. I was going to his city first. His term would finish a week later. I went with a girl, she's from that city. We took a midnight train and we expected it won't be too hot(temperature, of course). But suprisingly it was very crowd, luckiely it costs only 4 hours.
Anyway, when we arrived, Mr.X has already waited at the station for hours. She took a taxi home, Mr.X and me decided to walk for a while, and took the first bus to his university.
At there, I got to know his roommates, joined his classes, seen things he mentioned but I never seen. Well, nominally we were together, but we were very shy. He told people I was a classmate back home. And the most intimate thing we did is trying to touch each others' hand while we were walking side by side.
The second day, that girl who travelled with me texted to me, "Hey, did you leave? Can you give me the number of your friend? The one who waited at the station yesterday." I had a look at Mr.X and I replied: "Sorry, but no way."
The 3rd night was the last night, I had to go the next morning as scheduled. We walked and talked very late. I wanted to stay longer, but he insisted to drag me back to rest, he didn't want me to miss the train. As we stepped to the dark hallway, I couldn't hold anymore. I dragged him back, and kissed his lips. He pushed me back a little, spoke quietly, "It won't be long, I'll come back home on Sunday. Just 4 days left." And we kissed again.
I slept in the bed next to his bed (an empty bed in his quarter). Beds positioned vertically, so we were head to head, not side by side (hope you can imagine). I often sleep with hands up by my head. That night, he took my hand, and put on a ring. We hold hands for a while and he retracted. I guess he didn't want his roommates saw this in the morning.

Anyway, after he got back, we continued to hang together every night. Of course mostly to the beach. When parents are not home, we may stay home together and just watch animes. I felt very happy.

One day afternoon, a highschool friend called me to hang out. This guy was very close to me, and I shared with him my feelings to Mr.X. And he is a neighbour of Mr.X. That day, I didn't want to go because I was at Mr.X's home.
"I will call your Mr.X, too. Come on. I'll make sure he comes. I know you must missed him." The friend said. Of course, he doesn't know about us yet. So I agreed.
After the call, we heard him yelling downstairs, calling Mr.X to get out. Shit, I thought he would call. But this is the way they invite friends to hang out since they were very young.
So we went down quickly, or he would keep yelling. But I forgot he doesn't know. So, when he watched us get down together, he surprised very much.
“Whaaat? So -- you two? For real?" he can't finish a sentense, "Are you...? When? Why don't you tell me?" Mr.X and I looked at each other smiled shyly.
Then the friend asked: "So, have you ...?" I interrupted him, "No!" He ansered, "Oh, I see. But I'm truly happy for you."
Then other friends joined, we stayed by the sea very late. I was watching Mr.X all the time. I finally don't have to hide from him. My friend took a picture of us and I treasured it for a very long time.

Soon, it's late summer, temperature got chill. I have nightmares mostly this time of every year. It's a very old issue. So this night, I woke up again, and I called him said I want to see him right now. I know it's rediculous but I really needed someone to be with me. So we sneaked out at midnight.
We sat on steps of an empty building. And talked. After a while he started to tell me about the business man he mentioned a year before.
In the beginning he thought it was nice making a local older friend. As they getting closer, they spent more time together. The man even took him to other cities together to find supplies for the shop. Mr.X liked the man, but he is married and had a daughter. So he never thought too much of the relationship, just treat him as a close friend.
One day, they just got back to the city, they went that man's home together. And his wife and kid weren't there. So, he...
Mr.X stopped there and started to cry. I think I don't have to know the word to know what he did to him. I held Mr.X in my chest. he tried to talk, yet chocking. I told him, you don't have to say, I get it. I didn't want him to go through this again, I thought I understand the feeling. I looked down at him, I used to look up to him, I admired and respected him, but at that moment all I felt was adore.

Then we sneaked back to his home. I worried about his mother would have questions if she sees me in the morning, he said it's ok. So we lay in his bed, held together, I talked quietly trying to ease him. Then, he pushed me back a little, and tried to turn my direction for some reason. "What?Wait...I need to... I'm not ready..." And he pluged in.
Although, we both lost the same thing we wanted to save for each other, I didn't expect to do it this way. It wasn't hurt this much the last time, but this time all I felt was pain, the whole time. As he moved, I kept struggling, and trying not to make a sound, because his mother was behind the wall. I kept telling my self I have to go through this, this might be what he had been through, but my tears kept dropping.
I don't know for how long, he finished. And I suddenly felt very cold and very bad and sad. I don't know why, I just quickly dressed up and run back home. On my way back, I thought maybe I shouldn't just run off while he might still being upset. So, I texted, "It's ok. Just sleep. I just think I should get back before morning."
After I got home, I found out my old diary book. I wrote down what happend and locked it down again. Even it was not pleasant as I expected, I thought that could be an ending to my puberty crush. I felt I suddenly grown up. And we could walk together for the next trip of our life.
After that we continued to hang out like usual and spent the whole summer.

Oh, the pain lasted for at least a week. It really hurts. I thought younger couples really should do some research before trying to make the love lovely.
User avatar
xiii_1991
 
Posts: 29
+1s received: 9
Joined: 30 July 2019, 04:53

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby Jryski » 29 April 2020, 17:02

I’m so confused as to what’s going on. Why’d you convince him to have sex with you when he was sad about another guy? Why’d you run away after having bad sex with him? I have so many unanswered questions it’s like Prometheus.
User avatar
Jryski
 
Posts: 646
+1s received: 422
Joined: 6 May 2019, 10:00

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby xiii_1991 » 29 April 2020, 17:17

Jryski wrote:I’m so confused as to what’s going on. Why’d you convince him to have sex with you when he was sad about another guy? Why’d you run away after having bad sex with him? I have so many unanswered questions it’s like Prometheus.

Is my expressions so unclear? :(
I meant he raped me when I was trying to ease his mood. And I was very disappointed about the experience. But I choose to accept.
User avatar
xiii_1991
 
Posts: 29
+1s received: 9
Joined: 30 July 2019, 04:53

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby Jryski » 29 April 2020, 20:24

He raped you and you told him that it’s okay after you ran away? 大哥你没事吧?是不是发烧了?
User avatar
Jryski
 
Posts: 646
+1s received: 422
Joined: 6 May 2019, 10:00

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 29 April 2020, 20:54

Jryski wrote:He raped you and you told him that it’s okay after you ran away? 大哥你没事吧?是不是发烧了?

你脱衣服后我会没事的。
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
User avatar
poolerboy0077
 
Posts: 8682
+1s received: 2178
Joined: 20 December 2012, 21:20
Country: United States (us)

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby Jryski » 29 April 2020, 22:01

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Jryski wrote:He raped you and you told him that it’s okay after you ran away? 大哥你没事吧?是不是发烧了?

你脱衣服后我会没事的。

:lol: :rofl: if you say so..
User avatar
Jryski
 
Posts: 646
+1s received: 422
Joined: 6 May 2019, 10:00

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby xiii_1991 » 29 April 2020, 22:18

Jryski wrote:He raped you and you told him that it’s okay after you ran away? 大哥你没事吧?是不是发烧了?

我当时觉得这不能算是rape吧,尽管感觉像rape :( 主要是太疼了
User avatar
xiii_1991
 
Posts: 29
+1s received: 9
Joined: 30 July 2019, 04:53

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby xiii_1991 » 29 April 2020, 23:39

Thanks all of you guys for reading. By doing this, I've found the problem between us.
We talked the whole night. And I hope we're starting to solve the problem.
I felt happy again.
And I'm gonna continue to update if you're interested.
And I'm gonna explain the problem in the story.:)
User avatar
xiii_1991
 
Posts: 29
+1s received: 9
Joined: 30 July 2019, 04:53

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby Jryski » 29 April 2020, 23:47

Yeah I think rape was the wrong term to describe it. You love the guy and emotions were running high. I’m not sure what happened between you two exactly but yeah. I’m rooting for you! :3 大哥加油!
User avatar
Jryski
 
Posts: 646
+1s received: 422
Joined: 6 May 2019, 10:00

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby xiii_1991 » 1 May 2020, 18:12

New term started and I was Grade 2. Standing by the window and looked down to the new students, I started to think about a year before. I was so lost and sad, but now I’m taken. The autumn still belongs to sorrow, but this time I had a slight sweetness in my heart.
Mr.X and I still kept in touch all the time. But I still felt somehow off, like the years before. I couldn't tell what made me feel bad. I guess feeling upset for a long time finally made it a habit. And of course I know it’s sick.
I don’t know if any of you had experienced a long distance relationship. I didn’t want him to worry or over think, so I didn’t tell him my feelings.
After about 2 weeks, I made a new friend. He was a younger student, new to the university. He stroke up a conversation with me in some activity (I don’t remember details), and we talked well and exchanged numbers. After that he often call me out to walk or chat, to spend times. And soon we become very close. He was very short and skinny, but very lively. He’s not very good looking, but I think he was kind of cute. Let’s call him Q.
Q’s profession is drawing, but he likes music a lot. This day, after dinner, I sat in the garden downstairs, and it’s the calling time of Mr.X and me. I dialed the number, and I noticed it’s Q, wandering at the front door of my living building. He found me in no time and walked to me.
"I was going to call you down." So he really came for me. But in the moment, Mr.X picked up. I don’t know what I was thinking, I quickly said to Mr.X, "Sorry, I suddenly have something to deal with. I’ll call back later." and hang up.
I looked back to Q and asked, "So, what for? You could just call me. Do you have new drawings to show?"
He smiled, and came closer, "Nope." He sat by my side, "I want to sing, and I want you here to listen." "OK."
So he sang, and we started to talk about songs, and discussed about how to perform better. And then stories of singers, and then about how similar he feels about drawing and singing… Anyway, we talked a lot. He has something wrong with his tongue, and his voice is very unclear when he talks. But that flaw added a strange but beautiful sound to his voice when he was singing. I liked that. He looked up to me with his bright black eyes, and for a moment I felt they took all of my attentions, and I don’t want to move my eyes off.
After a long time (3 hours maybe?), we were a little tired, we didn’t talk, just sat there, but not awkward. I felt I want to stay for a little longer, until --
"Have you done? I have morning classes tomorrow." Mr.X texted.
Shiiiit... I totally forgot.
Q stood up, "Oh, It's so late. I'm sorry for dragging you with me. I'll leave you alone." He had a look to my phone before gone.
I called back to Mr.X. He sounds very tired and a little angry. "What's so important that could hold you for so long?" He stopped for a second, "Have you ever considered that I was still waiting?" I felt very sorry and started to apologies and explain that I was too busy and I forgot.
After a while, he calmed down and we chatted for a while. Before we finish, he said to me, "I know you're busy. But you know, you can always text me not to wait for you."
That evening, I kept awake for a long time. I don't know what happened. I felt very confused about this. Is my love to X faded? Do I have special feelings for Q? Did my heart changed? Do these questions really matter? Do I have to make a choice?

Next day noon, I called Mr.X. I told him I had been a little upset for days, I want to stay for a while, alone. He said it's OK, just be safe, and will check on me before dinner.
So I took the afternoon wondering on the street. I needed to think about it. Somehow, I ran into the same corner last year. I looked at the wall, I was a little surprised, that Mr.28's friend-making-note was still the newest one. So this means, normally no one goes here. Maybe that day he was upset, too. He accidently ran into here, suffering the loneliness in a strange city, and wrote the tip. And accidently an upset me noticed that and respond.
I longed for Mr.X for so long. My whole puberty is around him. He lived in every page of my old diary. And finally he said he loves me. And I was the one he thought of at his fragile moment. Although we failed to keep our first sexes, we did do our first kiss. That time our glasses intertwined together.
Also, I do felt very happy with Q. Maybe there're some chemistry happened. But I'm not sure if it's just because I was here so alone and don't have a real friend. Anyway, my boyfriend is far away. And maybe he is experiencing the same loneliness the same time. And also trying to pretend being OK in front of me.
So, I decided to be honest to Mr.X, and never fell into this kind of confusion again.

I sat down in a park. The sun still had a half above the river. Mr.X called.
"Are you feeling better? Can you talk to me now? I felt you're off for a while, but I don't know how to ask."
Hearing his voice, my tears started to fall. That's it. I suddenly caught the feeling, which made me so off since I got back to this city.

"I miss you..."

======
Sorry guys. I'm currently on a little business trip alone. Remembering this made me feel really miss him now. I can't continue.
So, that's all for today. :runaway:
User avatar
xiii_1991
 
Posts: 29
+1s received: 9
Joined: 30 July 2019, 04:53

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby xiii_1991 » 1 May 2020, 18:25

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Jryski wrote:He raped you and you told him that it’s okay after you ran away? 大哥你没事吧?是不是发烧了?

你脱衣服后我会没事的。

May I ask, what is this suppose to mean? Seriously?
User avatar
xiii_1991
 
Posts: 29
+1s received: 9
Joined: 30 July 2019, 04:53

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby Jryski » 1 May 2020, 19:26

xiii_1991 wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:
Jryski wrote:He raped you and you told him that it’s okay after you ran away? 大哥你没事吧?是不是发烧了?

你脱衣服后我会没事的。

May I ask, what is this suppose to mean? Seriously?

Lol pooler’s just being silly.
User avatar
Jryski
 
Posts: 646
+1s received: 422
Joined: 6 May 2019, 10:00

Re: Finally, I decided to share my story

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 2 May 2020, 01:44

xiii_1991 wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:
Jryski wrote:He raped you and you told him that it’s okay after you ran away? 大哥你没事吧?是不是发烧了?

你脱衣服后我会没事的。

May I ask, what is this suppose to mean? Seriously?

I don’t know. Take it up with Google translate.
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
User avatar
poolerboy0077
 
Posts: 8682
+1s received: 2178
Joined: 20 December 2012, 21:20
Country: United States (us)

Previous

Recently active
Users browsing this forum: CommonCrawl [Bot], Panka, rosie2002 and 74 guests