Finding it hard

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Finding it hard

Unread postby Lookingforlove » 24 December 2019, 22:55

Hello everyone. I am new here.

So, I'm a 31 year old guy (but people don't believe me when I say that in person, as I look way younger!) and basically looking for someone to become close to and perhaps even fall in love with.

I moved to London a couple years back from a different part of the UK and sometimes feel very lonely in this city.

My ideal boyfriend (if I am ever so lucky as to find one) would be around my kind of age - ideally between 25 and 35. Also, I am only really interested in black guys or mixed race guys (I'm white, by the way).

I don't like the Grindr app, I am bored of casual hook-ups and anonymous sex with random strangers. Yeah sure, it's fun and hot, but it can so often leave me feeling unfulfilled and longing for more. I'm increasingly finding that I want passionate and meaningful sex with someone who means something to me.

Really, I am finding it so hard to find someone who may want to go on a date with me, despite being in the big city. I am just looking for someone to go for a coffee or a drink with, to begin. Then if we like each other go from there.

But the thing is, i don't know where to find this. All the "dating" apps are really just casual hook-up apps, why is there not any way for gay and bisexual men to be able to find more serious and meaningful stuff? Go to a club or bar? No, it's full of people just wanting to have sex and then be done with you.

So, I am posting here for people who might be interested in getting to know me to please get in touch (yes, I can send pictures of myself). I don't know if I can make such a post. I am sure if the forum moderators have a problem with this they will remove it but hopefully I don't get banned :)

I am a really intelligent guy, polite and love talking about all different things. Really interested in others.

Just want a really close friend and, potentially, a partner who I can really make feel special and wanted.

So get in touch guys, but please remember I'm not interested in anyone over 35 or who is not black or mixed (I say that respectfully and with no offence intended to anyone who doesn't fit my requirements). :)
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Re: Finding it hard

Unread postby Brenden » 24 December 2019, 23:31

Sorry, but this isn’t a dating site.

You should try okcupid.
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Re: Finding it hard

Unread postby Lookingforlove » 25 December 2019, 00:13

Okay, I'm sorry. Thank you.
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Re: Finding it hard

Unread postby Eryx » 25 December 2019, 07:09

Yeah, you're not going to find that here because this site is for broader discussions, and it's very globalized, so the shot you have of finding someone who coincidentally lives close to you for any approximation to make sense is very slim.

I get you about apps and bars, but the truth is most people are in the game, and a relationship actually does come out of that. People are searching, fucking and leaving exactly because at some point they want to luck out with that one guy who sparks something new up, and then there's reciprocation, and a conscious effort to make it happen...

When I was in the closet I told all of my few friends that this one girl from our group was the person I was absolutely in love with. She began dating another friend of ours and when I told her that it was fine, and that I had moved on, she gave me the suggestion that the least you worry about when, how or where you're finding someone else, it gets easier the least you think about it or seek it. For some reason, that stuck to me.

If apps make you feel unfulfilled, don't use them, but I really do still suggest you attend gay bars and venues, because it's way more personal and you might find someone who's having the same issue as you. There might even be someone who actually wanted to be promiscuous and vicarious who decides they want to change course because they met you and liked you. Thinking everyone at these kinds of places just want to fuck at a bathroom stall is too limiting compared to human social behavior and reality.

I broke up in September, told everyone I was going to be a slut until Carnaval (February) because I had always been dating for the past times I attended, and while I was being a total slut I met a guy on Grindr right before I started considering if I should delete it.

He didn't want to hook up, he was asking for a date. He likes all my music, he has a great family, he's responsible and knows how to apologize, he loves his job and his major, our friends all loved each other and he's fantastic in bed.

Maybe there will be problems ahead, but we never had to fight and I feel content. And most importantly for this thread, he became part of my life because I was looking for casual careless sex on Grindr. Result: the best relationship I've had so far.
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Re: Finding it hard

Unread postby Gay_John » 25 December 2019, 12:11

Eryx wrote:Yeah, you're not going to find that here because this site is for broader discussions, and it's very globalized, so the shot you have of finding someone who coincidentally lives close to you for any approximation to make sense is very slim.

I get you about apps and bars, but the truth is most people are in the game, and a relationship actually does come out of that. People are searching, fucking and leaving exactly because at some point they want to luck out with that one guy who sparks something new up, and then there's reciprocation, and a conscious effort to make it happen...

When I was in the closet I told all of my few friends that this one girl from our group was the person I was absolutely in love with. She began dating another friend of ours and when I told her that it was fine, and that I had moved on, she gave me the suggestion that the least you worry about when, how or where you're finding someone else, it gets easier the least you think about it or seek it. For some reason, that stuck to me.

If apps make you feel unfulfilled, don't use them, but I really do still suggest you attend gay bars and venues, because it's way more personal and you might find someone who's having the same issue as you. There might even be someone who actually wanted to be promiscuous and vicarious who decides they want to change course because they met you and liked you. Thinking everyone at these kinds of places just want to fuck at a bathroom stall is too limiting compared to human social behavior and reality.

I broke up in September, told everyone I was going to be a slut until Carnaval (February) because I had always been dating for the past times I attended, and while I was being a total slut I met a guy on Grindr right before I started considering if I should delete it.

He didn't want to hook up, he was asking for a date. He likes all my music, he has a great family, he's responsible and knows how to apologize, he loves his job and his major, our friends all loved each other and he's fantastic in bed.

Maybe there will be problems ahead, but we never had to fight and I feel content. And most importantly for this thread, he became part of my life because I was looking for casual careless sex on Grindr. Result: the best relationship I've had so far.


Lucky you've had nothing but good luck on your side in the dating scene.
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