First Stage of Dating

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First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Northern_Music » 25 October 2019, 21:11

Hi!

I grew up in a very remote, generally closed-minded community, and as a result (and probably my own trepidation) didn’t really consider dating at all until I moved to college this past September in a larger, much more open-minded city. I've been branching out since moving, met a guy over Grindr, and we went out on Sunday.

Post-first date, some of my friends have been quick to offer advice (I love them dearly for this haha), and one thing that’s come up with my monoamorous friends a bit is that in the very early stages of dating, they would be seeing multiple people, at least until they settled into one person. I also found out that the guy I went out with is very casually seeing other people. It got me wondering about how frequently folks date multiple people in the early stages of dating. So my question is this — what’s been your experience as far as starting out casually dating goes? Is it common to be casually dating more than one person until things settle? If so, what’s it been like for you?

Thank you!
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby NvM » 26 October 2019, 15:03

get to know as many people as you can. in doing this its important to be honest with your self and others. this might take some work as people tend to hear only what the want to and ignore a lot of what you really have to say.

-can you be happy just getting to know someone, maybe a little more but not call it a date?
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Unread postby BalkonDoxuboviy » 26 October 2019, 18:10

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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Eryx » 27 October 2019, 06:01

I would say it's very common and healthy to see different people in the early stages of dating. The whole "High School sweetheart" routine is dangerous because even though you might luck out and hit a home run on your first boyfriend, you might also be settling for something way less than what a truly healthy relationship could mean.

Relationships are about real connections and it just makes sense when everything fits together. Don't go for the first one, and don't feel bad if you're not exclusive, because your goal shouldn't be to be the winner of the other guy's affection, you will be the winner when you notice someone is giving back just as much as you give to him, and that you want to give more. It's not about you winning the lottery, it's about two guys finding the same shell on the beach and touching hands.
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby mxguy01 » 27 October 2019, 19:34

While I agree with all the above:

This is a straight relationship but no different. One of my older brothers met what would be his wife as an early teen. Pre-sixteen I believe. High school sweethearts. Don't believe I've ever seen them have a argument nor do I think anyone else had, ever. You wouldn't know their story just looking at them. Nothing different than any other happily married couple. While I'm sure they had discussions over some things I doubt either ever said a mean thing to each other that sometimes happens between couples. He passed from cancer a bit early but I'd say they lead a pretty decent life. She'll never marry or be with anyone else for that matter. I doubt she has any regrets other than she out lived him.

But what's the chances...
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Jryski » 29 October 2019, 02:41

When it comes to dating, every relationship and every person is different. As for me, I would meet many different people for coffee and what not. I always start off as platonic friends. If the friendship develops into something more then cool but usually it doesn't. Once I'm committed to a person, I stop meeting other guys and the ones I'm already friends with stay in the friend zone.
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Jryski » 29 October 2019, 02:44

Eryx wrote:It's not about you winning the lottery, it's about two guys finding the same shell on the beach and touching hands.

That's so cute! :3 If someone else and I find the same shell on the beach, they better let me have the shell cuz it's mine. Imma cut a bitch! :flame:
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Eos » 29 October 2019, 11:55

This is common, even tough I can't casually meet many people at the same time. I can only focus on one person.
I genuinely don't know how people do that.
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Eryx » 29 October 2019, 12:34

Jryski wrote:When it comes to dating, every relationship and every person is different. As for me, I would meet many different people for coffee and what not. I always start off as platonic friends. If the friendship develops into something more then cool but usually it doesn't. Once I'm committed to a person, I stop meeting other guys and the ones I'm already friends with stay in the friend zone.

hahahah this is so me. I've been single for just over a month and I got the contacts for so many guys through Grindr and a couple of other apps. As soon as I met this one cute guy, I kind of dropped everyone else and we've been meeting every weekend. I don't think I know how to be single anymore lol

There's this party for the freshmen at my school this Friday and I promised myself and a few friends that I'd be single for it, so I'm not taking the guy, but I almost invited him to come with me this weekend hahahah had to really try to stay quiet. It'll probably be my last hurrah since I do enjoy his company quite a bit.
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Jryski » 30 October 2019, 00:35

Eryx wrote:hahahah this is so me. I've been single for just over a month and I got the contacts for so many guys through Grindr and a couple of other apps. As soon as I met this one cute guy, I kind of dropped everyone else and we've been meeting every weekend. I don't think I know how to be single anymore lol

There's this party for the freshmen at my school this Friday and I promised myself and a few friends that I'd be single for it, so I'm not taking the guy, but I almost invited him to come with me this weekend hahahah had to really try to stay quiet. It'll probably be my last hurrah since I do enjoy his company quite a bit.

Yeah, once you start liking someone your interest in other guys kinda just fades out. I've been single for like.... 3 years now? I've been meeting guys for drinks and stuff and it's been nice just making friends. I like meeting bottoms. They're more likely to be willing to just hang out as friends.
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Eryx » 30 October 2019, 03:56

I really want to meet more guys like that, too, and expand my social circles. I feel like I've been guarding myself way too much.
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Eos » 30 October 2019, 08:08

Eryx wrote:I really want to meet more guys like that, too, and expand my social circles. I feel like I've been guarding myself way too much.


I guess that's me as well. I may be looking for love too much, I'm having a hard time going back to people I liked. I never see any point of doing so. It feel time consuming.
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Eryx » 30 October 2019, 08:37

C'est terrible :(
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Brasileiro » 30 October 2019, 10:51

I do not think there are rules or regulations to dating. It is simply the time to get to know eachother and if the other does things you find questionable, question him or her about it , solve it between you or stop dating. That is what it is for, so you do not drag all kinds of things into your relationship that you get upset about....
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Re: First Stage of Dating

Unread postby Northern_Music » 1 November 2019, 19:25

NvM wrote:get to know as many people as you can. in doing this its important to be honest with your self and others. this might take some work as people tend to hear only what the want to and ignore a lot of what you really have to say.

-can you be happy just getting to know someone, maybe a little more but not call it a date?


Hi!
Thank you for your response -- and to answer your question yes, I can. Being honest with folks about what I'm looking for is...hard, when, like you say, a guy only hears what he wants to hear. But it's already made me a better communicator, so it's all good. Thank you! :D
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