friends

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friends

Unread postby Iamjava » 29 May 2019, 23:14

one of the most challengings in life to me (outside of playing bottom for my man) is making friends. every attempt ends in disaster. it may be that i have no tact, or that have a tendency to be self-destructive.

it took so much to ask jay out, i push people that get too close away normally. its a nature derived from being burned too much.

i mean, there are people i get along with at work, but i dont want their numbers because it seems awkward and i dont want to destroy what we have.

my latest attempt at friendship is the new dishwasher. as the defacto dishwasher manager i get all of the numbers.

now the new guy i do consider hot, and uncharactisticly i did hit on him. (of course buff men with less iq than me is usualy a turnoff too..)

i dont know and dont need to know his sexuality. i just want to have more than 1 damn friend.

help?
i.. AM.. JAVA!! POST WHORE! (and intellectual, when my mind agrees..)
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Re: friends

Unread postby erti » 30 May 2019, 12:49

Not quite sure what you mean when you are asking for help. I too struggle making friends but that's because I don't work, don't go to school, and I don't have any interest in hobbies anymore because of mental illness.

My suggestion (i'm a hypocrite because I want more in real life friends but I show little interest in putting myself out there) is to put yourself out there. Go out sometime. Meet some people at a gay bar. Get out the house. Get into a hobby and meet up with people who show the same interest as you. You said you suffer from mental illness? Here there's a peer center where you can go to whenever and they do groups and activities for adults with mental illness and substance abuse.
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Re: friends

Unread postby Eryx » 30 May 2019, 13:07

If you're fond of your work friends, I don't see a reason why you shouldn't reach out to them and get their numbers. I can't say I know the work culture in the US but here, usually people will set up a happy hour on Friday and everyone who enjoys at least a couple beers shows up. From there on, forming friendships and getting people's numbers is a breeze. We also use WhatsApp a lot lol. Back when I was working I was in like three different groups from work and everyone loved hanging out.
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Re: friends

Unread postby Iamjava » 30 May 2019, 13:13

i have a lot of those same issues; although its hard because i also live in the country where the average age is 50. :( the closest cities are 30min+ away..

sigh.. i do struggle with putting myself out there. it seems everytime i try, it blows up in my face! maybe im too honest? striking that balance would be hard..

edit: getting their numbers i face an awkward rejection. plus i worry ill do something to destroy our good work relationship. :facepalm2:
i.. AM.. JAVA!! POST WHORE! (and intellectual, when my mind agrees..)
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Re: friends

Unread postby erti » 30 May 2019, 13:17

Eryx wrote:If you're fond of your work friends, I don't see a reason why you shouldn't reach out to them and get their numbers. I can't say I know the work culture in the US but here, usually people will set up a happy hour on Friday and everyone who enjoys at least a couple beers shows up. From there on, forming friendships and getting people's numbers is a breeze. We also use WhatsApp a lot lol. Back when I was working I was in like three different groups from work and everyone loved hanging out.


There's nothing like that here in the US... when it comes to work culture here it's a lot like high school. You may find people who you like to talk and chat with during work hours but usually don't set up a happy hour on Fridays and rarely people mix their work lives with their home lives. People get into cliques at work. When I worked in retail I made friends but rarely did I ever go out with friends from work. The managers had their own clique and depending on what department you work in the store you typically are stuck with them for most of the day. However, that doesn't guarantee you'd make friends. A lot of the times you see people talk about each other at work and typically aren't real friends. At least that's my experience with retail.
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Re: friends

Unread postby erti » 30 May 2019, 13:23

Iamjava wrote:i have a lot of those same issues; although its hard because i also live in the country where the average age is 50. :( the closest cities are 30min+ away..

sigh.. i do struggle with putting myself out there. it seems everytime i try, it blows up in my face! maybe im too honest? striking that balance would be hard..

edit: getting their numbers i face an awkward rejection. plus i worry ill do something to destroy our good work relationship. :facepalm2:


Ah. Is there anything out in the country area that you can talk to people even though most of them are older? Maybe broaden your horizons and be more open to meeting people outside your age, sex, and location.
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Re: friends

Unread postby Eryx » 30 May 2019, 14:39

Aw, that really sucks. Maybe organizations and gay meet groups?
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Re: friends

Unread postby Iamjava » 30 May 2019, 14:51

nothing like that. only thing we have are bars.
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