Gay apps

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Gay apps

Unread postby GaySpacePirateKing » 24 June 2019, 21:50

I've never used these before, and I don't even know what a grindr or tinder profile looks like. :confused:

How do they work? Are they actually any good for making friends and meeting other guys?

I've considered giving it a try, because I am getting to a point where I don't know how else I am going to meet new people. Problem is I am quite a private person and I am not out as gay either. Its tough because on one side I want to stay private (especially online I might add) and on the other I know I need to make myself visible somewhat in order to meet new people, but I don't know how to balance that and I am not sure if I would be able to on these apps.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby erti » 24 June 2019, 22:06

I see what you mean. I never did really wanted a Tinder profile because something tells me most of the men/women on there aren't looking for a relationship... just someone to fuck. I've tried "Plenty of fish" and well I went out with this guy. We talked a little bit. I told him my interest in anime and wanting to go back into going to anime conventions. He was like "I don't have to go to these conventions do I?". I think he was wanted anyone who would date him. He kept trying to hold my hand even though I pushed his hand away. He then talked about wanting to move outside the state. Then after that I talked to him more over text message and the plenty of fish website. He asked me if I worked. I told him I didn't and on disability. Of course he asked why I was on disability and I let the cat out of the bag... that I was schizophrenic. He said "ok" and he looked it up. He was concern about it working out because he wouldn't know what to do while I had a psychotic break. He then started focusing on it too much and it got to the point where it was nothing else we talked about so I said "i don't think it's gonna work out"... he texted me after that and I didn't respond and that was the end of that. Not sure if I want to go back to online dating.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby mxguy01 » 24 June 2019, 22:37

All the prior posts along this line go in response: Yeah the apps are mainly a tool to hookup. There are some people looking for relationships there but that might be hard to find. The chances of finding someone will be like one in <pick some big number> to finding a lasting relationship. Mostly you will find bots, spam, trolls, etc.

Me: Well if you want/need to have a hookup (frequent or occasional, your business) and maybe it leading to something. Well, worse case, at least you got some for a change. Some of us don't plan on living asexual.

As far as dealing with the issue of being in the closet and wanting to have some gay life: Face it, this is where the problem lies. You are concerned about being outed. While I get that, times have also changed. Not sure your circumstances but the positives to being in the closet vs being able to be out have changed a lot even just looking in the last decade. The likes of Trump on that issue are now just small bumps in the road - in fact possibly inciting more and better change.. I suggest you seriously evaluate that for yourself and your situation.

Gay bar scene is and remains safe spots for gays really (exceptions being extreme circumstances). At least here they are. Gone are the days when straights hunt gays there and get away with it.

A part of my "set realistic goals for yourself": Finding a real life partner is not easy. Being gay is not going to make it easier. Being in the closet is going to make it even more difficult (beyond a life of hooking up).
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby GaySpacePirateKing » 25 June 2019, 00:45

mxguy01 wrote:As far as dealing with the issue of being in the closet and wanting to have some gay life: Face it, this is where the problem lies.


True

mxguy01 wrote:You are concerned about being outed. While I get that, times have also changed. Not sure your circumstances but the positives to being in the closet vs being able to be out have changed a lot even just looking in the last decade. The likes of Trump on that issue are now just small bumps in the road - in fact possibly inciting more and better change.. I suggest you seriously evaluate that for yourself and your situation..


And not so true, for me anyway.

For me the fear of harrasment isn't really the worry. I don't know what the fuck is really, but I've somehow made it to my 20's and only now realised I like men, whereas before I never knew or recognised it or even had much of any experience with anyone male or female with romantic/sexual relationships. I suppose most of the issues are around how I see myself and how others see me.

With the gay apps though, I thought it could maybe be a stepping stone toward me coming out. I live in the UK and lucky in that sense because there is high population density, even in the countryside your only a short train or car journey away from a large urban area, unless you are in the highlands or islands I suppose. I figured pretty much every gay guy is going to have grindr/tinder and that by me just having it and interacting with people on it then it can maybe be a window into my gay community nearby me. I guess though that most people probably already have their gay friends added on the apps anyway, and don't really use the apps for making more friends but just for fun of it.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby mxguy01 » 25 June 2019, 01:38

GaySpacePirateKing wrote:...

And not so true, for me anyway.

For me the fear of harrasment isn't really the worry. I don't know what the fuck is really, but I've somehow made it to my 20's and only now realised I like men, whereas before I never knew or recognised it or even had much of any experience with anyone male or female with romantic/sexual relationships. I suppose most of the issues are around how I see myself and how others see me.

With the gay apps though, I thought it could maybe be a stepping stone toward me coming out. I live in the UK and lucky in that sense because there is high population density, even in the countryside your only a short train or car journey away from a large urban area, unless you are in the highlands or islands I suppose. I figured pretty much every gay guy is going to have grindr/tinder and that by me just having it and interacting with people on it then it can maybe be a window into my gay community nearby me. I guess though that most people probably already have their gay friends added on the apps anyway, and don't really use the apps for making more friends but just for fun of it.


Ok, that clarifies much more and helps us better understand. Sounds like you don't want to be out because of perception from self and others. Well your sexuality can be fluid which seems to be the consensus of many here. I don't relate much to that because I knew day one just had the ability to masturbate inside a female (crude but expresses what sex with a female was to me) and have a personal relationship. While it might seem to be something so personal you don't want to share with friends, I'd argue sharing such (without TMI) makes friendships stronger. Quite frankly I'm finally at the point that if someone has an issue with who I am I simply just prune them from my life. That's not just a gay thing. It's a real friend thing. I only want real friends not fake ones.

Grindr is not Facebook, Instagram, etc. I can't see asking a friend to be on it. No a lot of gay guys are not on Grindr. Some will view your being on Grindr negatively as someone only into casual sex.

But yes, Grindr can be a stepping stone to building a gay life. Any yes, a way to meet gays in the absence of a external gay environment like you find in large cities. If fact, it was how I first connected with a guy. Just wanted to get it done/confirmed and use that as a point to move forward.

I go to gay bars. I have a grindr account, I belong to a couple groups from meetup.com that are lgtb based and I have a common interest/purpose with those groups. I had to recently rebuild just about my while life recently. I now have straight friends that not only know I'm gay but are cool with me talking about it.

I live in the suburbs or at least what passes for suburbs in this area. One hour ride on the light rail and I'm in gay mecca of the west coast. I'm thinking of moving but that is a large part of the problem - I don't want to give that up.

Not to minimize you, your challenges, but if I can get it done, at my freaking late age and all the hangups I developed over time, you can get it done for yourself! Read my signature. See the quote about didn't start vs didn't finished. Kinda stupid if you think about it. In life the finish line is death. But damn it, I won't stop getting back up after I fall and continuing to race to the end.

I take it you never kissed a guy. Your relatively young. Remember your the bait, make sure to present your best bait. Go to a gay bar. Try to talk to a guy you find appealing, but also "realistic goals" - one you think you have the skills and talent to catch. Strike up a conversation. Hint, they begin with a simple "Hi" or "What's up" or "Did you see that" (works watching sports bar or watching a pole dancer :D )... Don't force it, don't over think it. Just flow with things. Then after a bit into the conversation disclose that you never kissed a guy, that your not sure, etc. Something tells me you might just immediately get a big old kiss followed by a "Well, tell me, are you gay, bi or what?" or who knows what will happen. Who care what this person thinks because likely you'll never see him again.

Oh, and I really do think you should just go to a gay bar even more. Grindr IMO will likely make any self-image issues worse for you. Dealing with some of the stupid shits can get to you.

When I ride the motocross track I get off at the end of the session and return to the pits. I then just sit there for a few moments on the bike before I get off. People think I'm tired or such. Actually I'm playing back in my mind what happened on the track. The parts I felt good about. The parts that didn't feel so good that I want to change. etc. So go kiss a bunch of guys and a bunch of girls. As many as you can. After sit back and evaluate. Even if you don't come to a conclusion the whole process is the fun part - human interaction.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby GaySpacePirateKing » 25 June 2019, 18:39

Thanks mxguy01, I think you are ultimately right that I just need to go out more. I have kissed and hooked up with guys before on a few occasions. I guess you never seen the saunas/bathhouses thread? Its a bit pathetic, but a gay sauna was the first place I kissed and had sex with a guy a few years ago. I was getting damn too curious and wanting to know what gay sex was like that when I discovered gay saunas where a thing I thought why the hell not I only live once. I got with a really nice and friendly dude that I was attracted to and made me feel at ease, he even gave me his contact details for adding him on facebook, but stupid paranoid me :facepalm2: decided not to in case I got outed by doing so. It was really dumb because I missed out on making a friend. :(
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby mxguy01 » 25 June 2019, 19:25

GaySpacePirateKing wrote:Thanks mxguy01, I think you are ultimately right that I just need to go out more. I have kissed and hooked up with guys before on a few occasions. I guess you never seen the saunas/bathhouses thread? Its a bit pathetic, but a gay sauna was the first place I kissed and had sex with a guy a few years ago. I was getting damn too curious and wanting to know what gay sex was like that when I discovered gay saunas where a thing I thought why the hell not I only live once. I got with a really nice and friendly dude that I was attracted to and made me feel at ease, he even gave me his contact details for adding him on facebook, but stupid paranoid me :facepalm2: decided not to in case I got outed by doing so. It was really dumb because I missed out on making a friend. :(


Can't remember if I posted but I read the thread a bit. Honestly, I felt I could not really comment on saunas much because I can not relate. I've not been to one even here. So my only knowledge of them is hear say and rumors. Safe practices, being a little careful, seems like no more dangerous than apps. Yeah, just be selective and stick to your gut feeling goes a long way. I've been there too wanting it a bit much and lacking a little better judgement. Live and learn.

Cool that you got the point I was making. I'll assume you read my other post. Sometimes all it takes is to walk down the street. LoL.

Funny, a long time back I whined about never being able to find a gay guy who was into dirt bikes. I'm such an idiot. Life's good if you let it happen. <- OK. That's a bit of B.S. too. Typically we have to force ourselves to do so and put a bit of effort into it.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby lightnight » 26 June 2019, 04:35

I have an app but I don't like it very much. It's so practical!
Like, I just want to talk to someone interesting and I want him to lead me on and then disappear. Is that so much to ask? But no.... they get straight to the business and ask about when and where we can hook up... Even if I have no photos of myself and there's nothing in my bio that would reveal anything about me or make me look interesting.
Oh well... I still like looking at how people present themselves in that app. For people watching.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby Lenin » 8 July 2019, 19:12

I prefer Cialis (generic is tadalafil.) With luck the effect can last a whole weekend.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby LostGuy94 » 10 July 2019, 15:05

I'm thinking of getting on Grindr, anyone have any advice for someone who has not really done this sort of thing before and is a bit nervous going through with it?

I have autism and slightly struggle communicating with others so not sure how that will affect things. I have a slight fear that someone I know will find me on there and discover my secret.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby Eryx » 10 July 2019, 18:52

If someone who knows you is there, that means they're gay themselves and probably won't tell on you. If they're scared as well they'll probably block you. If you feel like it's safest that they don't see you, just block them as soon as you see them and they will never be able to prove you were there (they won't be able to reach your profile) and you can just deny it.

All that said, Grindr doesn't require you to have a profile picture, so if you don't want to risk being found out at all, you can keep your profile blank and ask people to send you their profile pictures before you send back yours.

Grindr mostly isn't to make friends or find out about shared interests. I'm not saying that you can't find that there, but don't feel offended if someone jumps straight to sex talk or is more interested in meeting in person. Most are there for sex and that's what the app is mainly about, so you shouldn't be surprised when people make that approach even if you state on your profile that it isn't what you're out there for.

Be sure to ask for more than one picture when possible, to try to avoid catfishing, make sure the guy uses protection, and make sure you are compatible in bed. Don't feel like you owe anyone pictures, and if you get too nervous to actually meet someone, be upfront about it, most guys will probably just shrug it off and move on.

Some guys are insane and will curse or beg, maybe some people will even attack you for no reason, but that's because there are a lot of insecure and lonely men out there. Don't ever let them make you feel like some of that is your fault or that what they're saying is true, simply block them and move on.

That's all the advice I can really give you.
Last edited by Eryx on 10 July 2019, 20:20, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby PopTart » 10 July 2019, 18:55

Sounds like pretty good advice. I wouldn't have thought about multiple pics to avoid catfishing.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby LostGuy94 » 10 July 2019, 19:37

Thanks Eryx,

This info sounds helpful, hopefully will now pluck up the courage to actually go through with it. One downside is I won't be able to do it in the family home as they don't know and would never allow me to hook up with randoms at home
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby Eryx » 10 July 2019, 20:19

Lots of guys live on their own, you probably won't have much of a problem with that. Just start coming up with excuses for quick errands :P
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 10 July 2019, 20:34

I’ve always wanted to bang a twink at his parents place. That’d be hot.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 10 July 2019, 23:53

When i first downloaded the app i just observed for a few days. Didn't make a profile or put up a picture. Ths biggest thing i would say is to make sure to turn of the notifications for the app. It makes a very distinctive noise every message. And even without a profile you will recieve some messages.

I actually deleted the app at first. Being closeted i didnt need that going off all day. I also like observing to see who is on all day everyday. Im not looking for those kinds of guy's.

When im ready i usually just post a pic and a brief profile. And i let them all contact me. I never contact anyone first. Thats just me though. Nothing wrong with reaching out first.

Just make sure to say what your looking for in your profile.
Alot of guys there are just looking to hook up as eryx said but not all. I've talked with a guy numerous times now in just freindly conversation. Our schedules havent allowed us to meet. But i know he's a sweet guy looking for more then just a hook up. But i havent been on there in a long time now.

I wouldn't worry about living with the folks. Most will post if they can host or travel. Ive had some car meet ups before i got my own place. :3

Also just watch out for guys who post things like rocket emojis, and diamond emojis, or one's that say pnp, or just have random capitol T's. Their looking for chem sex. Or just a sex partner to use drug's with.

I think you should just download it and have a look around. No need to make a profile or post a pic.

Good luck with everything
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby homomorphism » 10 July 2019, 23:53

poolerboy0077 wrote:I’ve always wanted to bang a twink at his parents place. That’d be hot.


My coworker likes hooking up with twinks when they come home for summer vacation. He came to my office today to tell me about the freshman he fucked while his mom was out getting groceries.
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 11 July 2019, 01:41

homomorphism wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:I’ve always wanted to bang a twink at his parents place. That’d be hot.


My coworker likes hooking up with twinks when they come home for summer vacation. He came to my office today to tell me about the freshman he fucked while his mom was out getting groceries.

Ugh. Some people are living the life.

I wonder if he had all that teenagery bullshit up on his walls. :3
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Re: Gay apps

Unread postby homomorphism » 11 July 2019, 03:23

poolerboy0077 wrote:
homomorphism wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:I’ve always wanted to bang a twink at his parents place. That’d be hot.


My coworker likes hooking up with twinks when they come home for summer vacation. He came to my office today to tell me about the freshman he fucked while his mom was out getting groceries.

Ugh. Some people are living the life.

I wonder if he had all that teenagery bullshit up on his walls. :3


Don't you have any TA stories?

Oh but to the OP...yeah

I've never used these before, and I don't even know what a grindr or tinder profile looks like. :confused:


Usually just like a picture of you that's in a flattering light. Maybe try to pick something where you're in a social setting and not an arm length selfie.

How do they work?

Basically, they're just a vehicle for talking to people near you.

Are they actually any good for making friends and meeting other guys?

A lot of people use them, including people in your situation, so sure! The intent of these apps is finding someone to either hook up with or date, so even if you say you're just looking to hang out as friends, it shouldn't surprise you if the other person has other ideas.

Problem is I am quite a private person and I am not out as gay either. Its tough because on one side I want to stay private (especially online I might add) and on the other I know I need to make myself visible somewhat in order to meet new people, but I don't know how to balance that and I am not sure if I would be able to on these apps.


Look, if you want to meet people on a gay sex app, you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that this may very well out you in your personal life. If you start surrounding yourself with gay friends, people are going to assume you're gay.
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