Getting into a Relationship With Mental Illness

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Getting into a Relationship With Mental Illness

Unread postby erti » 13 April 2019, 08:51

My ex boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me back in 2013 due to his and my metal illness. His being depression and anxiety (which is now ADD, Bipolar 2 disorder, and Generalized anxiety disorder) and mine being undifferentiated schizophrenia or schizoaffective bipolar type and post traumatic stress disorder. Since then i've had a hard time looking for someone who is willing to accept me... I've been missing intimacy and sex. I've been having my sexual needs met but at a price because i get too close to that someone and all they want is sex been making me an emotional mess.

I've tried online dating websites... I try not to be open too much about my diagnosis but when a guy asked me why i wasn't working i told him i was on disability. Then he asked about why i was on it and i was quite frank... because of schizophrenia. He looked it up and said he doesn't know how to handle someone "like me"... kept asking what he should do if i was in the middle of an "episode"... i told him just be there for me that's all i ask. He kept asking question after question and i was like... "i don't think it's going to work out lets be friends." he then text me after that once and i didn't text him back right away... when i did he stopped texting me all together. Just a shitty situation.

I've thought about dating someone else with a mental illness too. however, the guy i met at the hospital last summer kinda blocked me off of facebook and I had to text him asking if he deleted his facebook... he said no but he has a girlfriend now... a week after asking me if i wanted to move in with him... after sending each other nudes and dirt videos... after all that i wasn't too devastated because he wasn't the most stable person. he was in the hospital for running in front of the car after a bad acid trip. So i'm like "fuck you too buddy".

I know i'm not the most stable person out there... i'm not the most beautiful person out there but definitely not the ugliest person out there despite how i may feel about myself at most days. I've been told i'm crazy in a "good" way, eccentric, and out there which isn't a bad thing in itself. I just miss intimacy. No one wants to date the "crazy" girl. No one wants to date a "fat" girl either (i'm fat due to medications i've been on but managed to lose 40 pounds of that weight so far and eventually hope to get back down to my high school weigh at 140 pounds... just 60 more pounds to go).

after years of trying to better myself there was a 4 year period where i was pretty stable and hadn't been into a psych hospital from between 2012 until 2016 when my meds were somewhat working despite telling my psych doctor i felt like taking a gun to my head and blowing my fucking brains out between those times. She just didn't listen and didn't even increase my medication or send me off to a hospital like she should of... I guess i'm lucky my ex boyfriends dads gun was locked up somewhere i didn't know about but at that point i was looking to find it anyways. i guess quite honestly i haven't been stabled since 2008. Maybe not being stable myself is my problem?

I've attract quite a few guys but they're way too much older than I am and quite honestly creepy as fuck. When i worked from 2009 - 2012 i had older men stair at my breast while asking me where stuff is at a retail store... i've had a store manager who looked old enough to be my dad asked me i like to party and if i would party with him. I recently on my birthday i had an old coworker who was way older than i am ask me if we can hang out sometime... i said yeah sure. he kept asking if my mom was around and when she worked. then proceeded to asked me if i wanted him to rub my back for me... I told him no and that was inappropriate of him to say to me. I then told my mom and she gave him an ear full. Not quite sure why i attract older and creepy men... granted not all of them were "ugly" just their inappropriate to the point of being downright scary. Probably because of my personality. maybe they think i'm a slut that would fuck anyone?

Do you have a mental illness that prevents you to get into relationships with others because of stigma? Any suggestions on how to find someone to me intimate with? Am i doomed for a lonely life due to being "schizophrenic" despite being medication and therapeutically compliant? Why do i attract creepy older men? Is dating really important compared to my other issues i face? should i give up? what would you do if you were in my shoes?
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Re: Getting into a Relationship With Mental Illness

Unread postby René » 16 April 2019, 22:22

I have Asperger Syndrome, which isn't really a mental illness as such but can definitely make relationships difficult. I ended up meeting someone who's the same way, which worked out.

I don't imagine it would work the same when it comes to your particular issues, but I don't think you're doomed to a lonely life and I certainly wouldn't give up looking entirely. Maybe just take a break for a while and focus on getting as stable and healthy as you can be? :)

It's worth noting that you instantly look more attractive to people when you gain self-confidence.

Good luck :hug:
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Re: Getting into a Relationship With Mental Illness

Unread postby Prince_G_24 » 17 April 2019, 21:00

Unfortunately people suck and a lot of them see mental illness as a 100% deal breaker. Fortunately, there are those out there that are more supportive and don't see it in a negative light. It's gonna sound cliche as fuck but there's plenty of fish out there, ya just gotta be patient.

I don't think you should give up completely on dating, but like Rene said, focus on you. If your self-image of yourself is negative, it's gonna be hard to truly be happy, relationship or not. It's gonna be like some nagging little troll sitting in the back of your mind.

Try to hang in there, wish ya luck :hug:
A life that lives without doing anything is the same as a slow death.
- Code Geass
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Re: Getting into a Relationship With Mental Illness

Unread postby Eryx » 18 April 2019, 02:32

I agree with these guys, your self-improvement is the most important thing in your life. It's awesome that you've lost so much weight! If you want to get back to the weight you had in High School, then make it your goal and keep working on that. It will give you something to think about during the day and drive you to do things in order to achieve it. I've learned to enjoy exercising and eating healthy not because it's "good for me," but because I wanted to reach a goal and feel better about myself. Now that I've reached certain milestones, I like being active and taking care of myself for the sake of it, and for how much better it makes me feel when it comes to energy and to self-esteem.

If you feel like you're not stable enough, that will get in the way of your confidence as you'll worry about it while you're with other people. You'll worry it will cause you problems or stay in your way. So you need to work on getting there, be it through more therapy, second opinions or new treatments. Find hobbies to spend your time, and if you really are craving more live social interactions, try to find groups of people like you (be it related to your mental illness or your interests) and find out what their struggles and activities are.

When you feel less of that weight on your shoulders, and start to look back and see how much you've accomplished, dating someone else and sharing your issues will seem a whole lot easier. You'll have the confidence to understand that there can be someone better who will understand and care for you the way you deserve.

I'm sorry you're in this cloud right now and I wish you the very best.
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Re: Getting into a Relationship With Mental Illness

Unread postby Marmaduke » 20 April 2019, 16:12

I think a relationship is a situation in which you should both be supporting each other, picking each other up when you’re down, celebrating successes and so forth. That in mind, barring rare exception, I’m rarely minded that very similar people work well together in relationships in general, people suffering schizophrenia really seem like a bad match for each other. In the bad times, you’ll need an anchor of trust to keep you in touch with what’s you and what’s your illness. I’m not convinced that someone as ill as you are is the best person to look for that in.

Absolutely don’t close yourself off from people though. Sadly, modern dating has become a digital slalom of shit that you have to weave through and hope that somewhere along the way you spot potential in someone. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth putting your skis on and seeing what the slope has for you. Not everyone is going to be good for you, at times it will probably make you feel a little worse, but I think wondering what could have been is always more destructive that taking a chance and seeing who’s out there. You have a mental illness and it puts you in the same boat as everyone else who has a flaw, but that’s the vast majority of people. It isn’t just you that’s struggling.
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