Getting over a big crush

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Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Badlands17 » 1 August 2019, 16:16

Hello everyone I’m new to this forum and I wanted to ask for help to overcome a big big crush I’ve had on the same guy for a few years now, it’s been on and off but every time I see him it comes back stronger than ever and spiral into a pit of self hate and sadness. The thing is he’s straight and he will never even look at me in the way I want him to but I can’t bring myself to stop dwelling into fantasies of what we could build together. I spend hours thinking about him and I know how stupid and desperate this sounds but I feel like me spending that much time daydreaming is a way to “escape” my everyday life that I don’t enjoy very much: I’m 20 and never had even one person interested in me and i feel very lonely seeing all my friends get in relationships while I can’t even overcome my anxiety and try to flirt with guys I like. Anyway I hope someone will reply but have a nice day everyone <3
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Iamjava » 1 August 2019, 16:47

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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby mxguy01 » 1 August 2019, 18:14

Ok, let me help. Imagine your in bed with him and you're getting spun up for him. Want to make out with him and everything. Then he says "just suck my dick because I'm straight. Don't even try to kiss me because I'm not into guys. Rather I just want to jack off in your mouth and that's all".

So hey, if your really into straight guys and you find the above appealing, then sorry I can't help because obviously I don't get the falling for a straight guy thing at all.

Wanting something that will never exist is not good for the spirit. Trust me on that one.

That then leaves you with but one alternative. Work on the anxiety thing as best you can and go start mixing it up with other gays however you can manage to do that.
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Badlands17 » 1 August 2019, 18:39

Iamjava wrote:Well, I'd still ask. My coworker is straight, but it didn't stop me from hitting on him. (Now he's engaged. Oh well.)

Point being, he may have a few secrets you don't know and would be surprised about

Or just wallow in self pity. Works for me.


I’m pretty sure he’s just straight lol but who knows am I right?
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Badlands17 » 1 August 2019, 18:41

mxguy01 wrote:Ok, let me help. Imagine your in bed with him and you're getting spun up for him. Want to make out with him and everything. Then he says "just suck my dick because I'm straight. Don't even try to kiss me because I'm not into guys. Rather I just want to jack off in your mouth and that's all".

So hey, if your really into straight guys and you find the above appealing, then sorry I can't help because obviously I don't get the falling for a straight guy thing at all.

Wanting something that will never exist is not good for the spirit. Trust me on that one.

That then leaves you with but one alternative. Work on the anxiety thing as best you can and go start mixing it up with other gays however you can manage to do that.


Yeah you’re definitely right, it’s not worth it to spend my days being sad over someone who doesn’t care about me the way I care about him, and regarding anxiety I do try my best but sometimes social situations become way too much to handle and flirting is hard but I will try to push myself more thanks
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Iamjava » 1 August 2019, 18:59

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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Eryx » 1 August 2019, 19:53

Yeah there isn't much to tell you that you don't already know. You're already sure he's straight, so there's no use feeding that fantasy, it will just hurt you more and more. I was in love with my straight best friend from when I was 12 until I was 15 and it was awful. The way I managed to get over him was my exchange year. I got to meet a lot of new people and didn't see him at all for that time, so when we finally got together I was able to see him as just a friend.

Well, to be honest, I still kind of had the hots for him because he was always fit and very friendly/touchy etc, but it wasn't as bad anymore. After I got to hook up with a few guys and finally have sex, then I was completely over him.

I think you need experience, and you need to be able to know what it feels like to be reciprocated. That will help you in not wanting something you can't have, without any guarantee that you'll ever get something in return.

I'd suggest going to places where other gay guys go, try to meet new people, keep away from him for a while if necessary. All alternatives are better than just staying where you are right now. Don't worry about flirting with other guys, I wasn't able to do that for most of my life, it does happen that other guys will hit on you in certain places.

Good luck buddy
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 1 August 2019, 21:06

Cut him off. I'm serious.

Distance yourself from him as much as you possibly can. Doing that, you will naturally stop thinking about him very quickly, because you won't be seeing him and your mind will be on your new surroundings/people/events that are going on in your life.

I think most of us have had "that crush". I had one for 2 years when I was in high school and it near killed me. Then I went to university (an hour away from home and he wasn't there, he went to another university) and I honestly forgot about him in a week.

This is the most sure-fire way to rapidly get over a crush. If the feelings are that deep, it's never going to just go away on its own while you are sitting there in the friendzone seeing them every day. You don't have to be rude about it or anything, if you're close enough friends you could even politely explain the situation if you want, but at the end of the day you have to be selfish and do what's best for you. You might think "well I don't want to lose the friendship", but be honest with yourself, if you are getting tore up wishing you were with this guy then the friendship is baggage and dead weight you are carrying around. People who carry around a lot of dead weight are not happy.

And if you feel you are only attracted to extremely masculine AKA straight-passing men then I suggest you consider joining an app called Scruff.
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Iamjava » 1 August 2019, 21:32

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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 1 August 2019, 22:17

Iamjava wrote:If the feeling runs that deep, then running away will still take a long time.
Maybe, but it will certainly be quicker than hanging around hoping for some miracle to happen.

It's more than just the distance, it's pre-occupying yourself too with new surroundings and things to do. Keep busy.
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby lightnight » 1 August 2019, 22:17

Having an unfulfilled unrealistic and unrealizable one sided love affair can be amazing.

This kind of stuff really makes you think about what the idea of love really means and how you interpret it is a big part of who you really are.

It's still wiser and practical to move on though. But I'd be a huge liar if I said that was me.

Yaay!
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby mxguy01 » 1 August 2019, 23:17

All my life I've only pretty much had just guys for friends. Do you really think none were attractive to me. Haha. Yeah, I'd shoot for making friends with him if I could. Bro-mances are a petty good experience. Now is the time to internalize any sexual feelings towards him though.
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Re: Getting over a big crush

Unread postby Iamjava » 2 August 2019, 04:08

Therapists would be dismayed at the responses.
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