Girlfriend is always playing the victim

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Girlfriend is always playing the victim

Unread postby Jen » 17 October 2020, 20:33

Been with my girlfriend for 10 months. She is very easily upset over the smallest things. She always thinks someone is trying to imply that she is dumb. Then she gets quiet, refuses to talk about it, looks for other things to be upset about. After asking for communication several times I leave her alone. She attempts to make me feel guilty for leaving her alone saying, "its not good for me to be alone when im like this". After a few hours she apologizes (in a child-like voice and behavior) that she's "ruined our day" and how she's been raised to think all of her decisions are wrong. It always comes back to her saying, "this is just how i am" without any real serious thought into possibly compromising on a solution. I'm not perfect but i do my best (even before meeting her) not to say anything that someone could perceive in any other way then how its meant. For some reason with her, she makes me feel everything i say is hurting her feelings.
I've noticed she seeks attention through her complaints of pain and not feeling well. Yes, she has a lot of food allergies and stomach issues, but refuses to seek medical attention. In fact she refuses all doctors, except the dentist but only b/c she is her childhood friend. Im always sensitive to her pains and not feeling well, but sometimes i feel like she over exaggerating, especially the times i do not rush to her side or ask her whats wrong right away.
Ive had my share of manipulative partners, mostly men. I think I'm having a hard time figuring out if thats what's happening here, maybe because she's a woman?? If it is, i dont even think she realizes it. Her mother is narcissistic and emotionally and mentally hurtful with words.
She keeps putting herself down and putting me on this high pedestal saying things like, "you're so patient with me. No one else has ever taken the time. You do more for me than i do for you, im a terrible girlfriend". All of this makes me feel like she expects me to "fix" her or that without me shes not happy. She talks about how miserable she is when she is home and away from me. When she gets really upset she talks about driving her truck off a bridge or running away and never coming back.
Something inside me is telling me this isn't a healthy relationship. Which is weird bc we never fight or argue. I like to talk things out, but she would rather be quiet and silently upset until she apologizes for her behavior.
Speaking of which, she apologizes for everything as if she is a burden. For example: She needed ibuprofen for a headache and apologized for using it??? I dont understand why she says sorry for every little thing, things that dont need an apology.
Im trying so hard to be understanding but i definitely do not want to jeopardize my own mental health again by giving into an unhealthy relationship, especially when there's no real communication, or at least i feel there isn't any.
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Re: Girlfriend is always playing the victim

Unread postby René » 18 October 2020, 21:53

Sounds like she needs to see a mental-health professional...
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Re: Girlfriend is always playing the victim

Unread postby MarkF » 19 October 2020, 01:57

René wrote:Sounds like she needs to see a mental-health professional...


That's kind of what I was thinking, too. There's only so much you can do to help her out here (which it sounds like you've already done), and so it's time to call in the big guns, as my dad would say.
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Re: Girlfriend is always playing the victim

Unread postby Jasper1 » 19 October 2020, 09:52

That’s a long laundry list of differences for a 10 month relationship.

What actually keeps you together?
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Re: Girlfriend is always playing the victim

Unread postby Eryx » 19 October 2020, 17:42

Yes, it is manipulative, but she might not even realize that she's doing all these things. Seems like a very deep mental health issue, and the fact that her mother is hurtful and narcissistic are good clues in that direction.

I think the best thing you can do is talk about all of this with her directly, much like you've done with us and give her the condition of having to get help immediately if she wants you to stay.
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