Girlfriend isn't acting the same

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Girlfriend isn't acting the same

Unread postby lyn1014 » 4 March 2020, 04:19

Hi! I am struggling in my relationship currently. I entered my first same sex relationship almost 3 months ago. We both are under a lot of stress as we are both in school. On top of that, my mom isn't accepting of our relationship. We've been madly in love up until last week when we had our first "bump". She uninvited me from going out with her and her friends. I was upset and disappointed, but she took it as I didn't want her going out with her friends without me, even though she has before. We discussed it and things seemed to be ok but she has been acting weird ever since. I've discussed this with her twice about her acting weird and she claims that she hasn't been feeling herself lately, possibly due to stress and premenstral symptoms. However, she tells me I'm overthinking and that she doesn't want me to stress about her not being herself. It's impossible to do this as I struggle from severe anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. She now treats me like her friend, doesn't call me babe, and doesn't say I love you. I feel so unloved and upset and I have to act like I'm fine because I know if I continue to tell her it upsets me (as I've had multiple times) she basically tells me she doesn't want that and almost sounds like she would break up with me. I'm hoping things will return to normal soon but by anxiety is telling me she is wanting to break up and is waiting until our exams are over this week. There are lots of sketchy details, this is just an overview. It was like a light switch, one minute she was madly in love with me, the next she wasn't. I just don't know what to do or how to act with her, if I should act normal and loving, be distant, I just don't know and I'm so upset it's consuming everything I do. I’ve cried so much, I just want my real girlfriend back. I know this is a lot I just need some advice as I don't have many people in my life that I can talk to about this. Thanks so much!
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Re: Girlfriend isn't acting the same

Unread postby René » 4 March 2020, 12:12

Awww... I'm sorry to hear about this.

The sudden unprovoked change makes me think, maybe she has bipolar disorder or something and she switched from a (hypo)manic episode to a depressive episode? Was there any change in appetite, obsessiveness or need for sleep that went along with this?

I'm not very familiar with girls' emotions, though; I'm sure it could be something hormonal or stress-related. A bipolar switch is just the first thing I thought of because it's a lot more common than often thought and widely underdiagnosed.

Hopefully it is just something like stress due to the exams or PMS and things will get better soon! :hug:
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Re: Girlfriend isn't acting the same

Unread postby lyn1014 » 4 March 2020, 17:46

Thanks so much! It doesn't seem like bipolar symptoms (to me) and she claims she's not depressed even though it does seem like she is..She doesn't get much sleep or eats much due to school, her exam is today so the next couple of days I'll be on pins and needles, I just don't know how to act around her anymore.. thanks for your response, I really appreciate it!
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Re: Girlfriend isn't acting the same

Unread postby JoelR » 5 March 2020, 04:16

lyn1014 wrote:Hi! I am struggling in my relationship currently. I entered my first same sex relationship almost 3 months ago. We both are under a lot of stress as we are both in school. On top of that, my mom isn't accepting of our relationship. We've been madly in love up until last week when we had our first "bump". She uninvited me from going out with her and her friends. I was upset and disappointed, but she took it as I didn't want her going out with her friends without me, even though she has before. We discussed it and things seemed to be ok but she has been acting weird ever since. I've discussed this with her twice about her acting weird and she claims that she hasn't been feeling herself lately, possibly due to stress and premenstral symptoms. However, she tells me I'm overthinking and that she doesn't want me to stress about her not being herself. It's impossible to do this as I struggle from severe anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. She now treats me like her friend, doesn't call me babe, and doesn't say I love you. I feel so unloved and upset and I have to act like I'm fine because I know if I continue to tell her it upsets me (as I've had multiple times) she basically tells me she doesn't want that and almost sounds like she would break up with me. I'm hoping things will return to normal soon but by anxiety is telling me she is wanting to break up and is waiting until our exams are over this week. There are lots of sketchy details, this is just an overview. It was like a light switch, one minute she was madly in love with me, the next she wasn't. I just don't know what to do or how to act with her, if I should act normal and loving, be distant, I just don't know and I'm so upset it's consuming everything I do. I’ve cried so much, I just want my real girlfriend back. I know this is a lot I just need some advice as I don't have many people in my life that I can talk to about this. Thanks so much!


First off, congrats on your first same sex relationship. Good for you :)

Is this your girlfriend's first same-sex relationship as well? Just curious. The reason why I ask is that she might have difficulty processing her emotions - she doesn't know HOW to act or to communicate. It requires a certain emotional maturity to communicate your feelings to your partner, and she simply may not be ready or prepared. (And, quite frankly, some people never learn LOL!) Being in a relationship is overwhelming for anyone, and then you throw into a cocktail bomb of same sex challenges + parental disapproval + young love, and it ratches up the complexity and stress to a whole new level. Welcome to queer love.

In my first relationship, my boyfriend alternated between hot and cold as well (he was a bit younger than me), so I had to give him some space until he came back to me. It was a journey for hm to understand he could actually share his feelings and thought processes with me.

So, in short, take a deep breath. What you can do is be communicative, clear with your feelings, and emotionally available and respectful. Don't beat yourself up or get psychologically beat-up.
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Re: Girlfriend isn't acting the same

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 5 March 2020, 05:58

I had some ideas on psychological symptoms, but I don't want to psychoanalyse people's personality from a distance and not knowing them close as it's usually making for wrong conclusions. So this may be just premenstrual stress or something based on hormone related surges, eh.
As you have mentioned severe anxiety, it also could be you're in such a phase and so overly inspecting everything she does or says, for finding the signs for a certain interpretation. It's difficult to tell. I know how tough it can be zo come to a just interpretation of reality if one's sort of struck by depression and the related mood swings don't always leave one fit to correctly interpret someone else's behaviours.
Yet. of course, could be something else as well, that may trouble your girlfriend.

May I ask if her people do accept her relationship to you? Her friends obviously do, so there shouldn't be a problem arising from that. How old are you two if I may ask?
People at rather young ages sometimes are insecure, or not so certain about their feelings yet, everything can be at a quick pace of changes that come and go. Might be she just has got a few weird days for herself.

On the psychological side, however, things on 'not feeling like herself' easily would be seen as a hint to dissociate episodes, which I hope she does not experience, and it would have to be over a certain time of persistent feeling that way, until it's called a symptom, too.

Besides that, everyone can feel like that, once in a while. Even I had my days, after having eaten more than 2 cakes or a dozen donuts and did a bit of leaf ..uhm.. :D

So I hope this will return to the original state for you two. :heart: must be great.
Last edited by GearFetTwinkRomance on 5 March 2020, 18:05, edited 1 time in total.
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PostThis post was deleted by lyn1014 on 5 March 2020, 17:57.

Re: Girlfriend isn't acting the same

Unread postby lyn1014 » 5 March 2020, 17:58

JoelR wrote:
lyn1014 wrote:Hi! I am struggling in my relationship currently. I entered my first same sex relationship almost 3 months ago. We both are under a lot of stress as we are both in school. On top of that, my mom isn't accepting of our relationship. We've been madly in love up until last week when we had our first "bump". She uninvited me from going out with her and her friends. I was upset and disappointed, but she took it as I didn't want her going out with her friends without me, even though she has before. We discussed it and things seemed to be ok but she has been acting weird ever since. I've discussed this with her twice about her acting weird and she claims that she hasn't been feeling herself lately, possibly due to stress and premenstral symptoms. However, she tells me I'm overthinking and that she doesn't want me to stress about her not being herself. It's impossible to do this as I struggle from severe anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. She now treats me like her friend, doesn't call me babe, and doesn't say I love you. I feel so unloved and upset and I have to act like I'm fine because I know if I continue to tell her it upsets me (as I've had multiple times) she basically tells me she doesn't want that and almost sounds like she would break up with me. I'm hoping things will return to normal soon but by anxiety is telling me she is wanting to break up and is waiting until our exams are over this week. There are lots of sketchy details, this is just an overview. It was like a light switch, one minute she was madly in love with me, the next she wasn't. I just don't know what to do or how to act with her, if I should act normal and loving, be distant, I just don't know and I'm so upset it's consuming everything I do. I’ve cried so much, I just want my real girlfriend back. I know this is a lot I just need some advice as I don't have many people in my life that I can talk to about this. Thanks so much!


First off, congrats on your first same sex relationship. Good for you :)

Is this your girlfriend's first same-sex relationship as well? Just curious. The reason why I ask is that she might have difficulty processing her emotions - she doesn't know HOW to act or to communicate. It requires a certain emotional maturity to communicate your feelings to your partner, and she simply may not be ready or prepared. (And, quite frankly, some people never learn LOL!) Being in a relationship is overwhelming for anyone, and then you throw into a cocktail bomb of same sex challenges + parental disapproval + young love, and it ratches up the complexity and stress to a whole new level. Welcome to queer love.

In my first relationship, my boyfriend alternated between hot and cold as well (he was a bit younger than me), so I had to give him some space until he came back to me. It was a journey for hm to understand he could actually share his feelings and thought processes with me.

So, in short, take a deep breath. What you can do is be communicative, clear with your feelings, and emotionally available and respectful. Don't beat yourself up or get psychologically beat-up.


JoelR, Hi! Thanks so much for your response! No, this is not her first same sex relationship as she has been out since she was 14. I have tried to talk to her about the things I'm feeling but she never gives me any reassurance or validation, and makes it sound like we should break up if she's causing me stress. But of course I'm upset about her not being herself, it's because I care for her and love her.. I just don't know how to act around her anymore or what to do to get things back to the way they used to be :(
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Re: Girlfriend isn't acting the same

Unread postby lyn1014 » 5 March 2020, 18:00

GearFetTwinkRomance wrote:I had some ideas on psychological symptoms, but I don't want to psychoanalyse people's personality from a distance and not knowing them close as it's usually making for wrong conclusions. So this may be just premenstrual stress or something based on hormone related surges, eh.
As you have mentioned severe anxiety, it also could be you're in such a phase and so overly inspecting everything she does or says, for finding the signs for a certain interpretation. It's difficult to tell. I know how tough it can be zo come to a just interpretation of reality if one's sort of struck by depression and the related mood swings don't always leave one fit to correctly interpret someone else's behaviours.
Yet. of course, could be something else as well, that my trouble your girlfriend.

May I ask if her people do accept her relationship to you? Her friends obviously do, so there shouldn't be a problem arising from that. How old are you two if I may ask?
People at rather young ages sometimes are insecure, or not so certain about their feelings yet, everything can be at a quick pace of changes that come and go. Might be she just has got a few weird days for herself.

On the psychological side, however, things on 'not feeling like herself' easily would be seen as a hint to dissociate episodes, which I hope she does not experience, and it would have to be over a certain time of persistent feeling that way, until it's called a symptom, too.

Besides that, everyone can feel like that, once in a while. Even I had my days, after having eaten more than 2 cakes or a dozen donuts and did a bit of leaf ..uhm.. :D

So I hope this will return to the original state for you two. :heart: must be great.


Hi! Thanks so much for your response! Yes, everyone in her life is accepting of our relationship that I know of. I am 22 and she is 24. I know this may just be a phase but I just have this bad gut feeling about it and it's freaking me out.. I just want my loving girlfriend back and I don't know how :(
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Re: Girlfriend isn't acting the same

Unread postby Eos » 5 March 2020, 21:04

I keep on reading your thread but I keep being speechless.
I hope time will heal this situation. It seems you already do what you can so there is nothing more you can do for her. I know it's horrible to feel powerless with people you love. I can only give you my support.
If it doesn't end the way you hope, you need to know that you did everything you could.
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