Grindr and bf

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Grindr and bf

Unread postby Thomashiggs2 » 25 January 2019, 11:27

This is a bit snoopy of me but i have noticed my bf goes on grindr. I don't care if he goes on it.

We live very far apart from one another. So i can appreciate if he does have some fun. Yet to have the grindr and open/closed relationship discussion but will do.

Anyway all i see is him deleting his profile and making a new one. Exactly the same. It happens often. I can easily search for him again. I just think it is odd. He can do what he wants who am i to tell him otherwise.

Any thoughts.
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby Vertical » 26 January 2019, 00:16

He can do what he wants who am i to tell him otherwise.

Correct.

my bf

The possessive pronoun is probably not correct.
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby Stardust » 26 January 2019, 05:02

Vertical wrote:
He can do what he wants who am i to tell him otherwise.

Correct.

my bf

The possessive pronoun is probably not correct.


Harsh.
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby xrayspex78 » 26 January 2019, 08:50

Thomashiggs2 wrote:This is a bit snoopy of me but i have noticed my bf goes on grindr. I don't care if he goes on it.

We live very far apart from one another. So i can appreciate if he does have some fun. Yet to have the grindr and open/closed relationship discussion but will do.

Anyway all i see is him deleting his profile and making a new one. Exactly the same. It happens often. I can easily search for him again. I just think it is odd. He can do what he wants who am i to tell him otherwise.

Any thoughts.


Talk to your boyfriend about it. Communication is very important in a relationship. Best of luck! :)

By the way don’t worry about saying “my bf” and all that noise. There’s too much PC culture and policing of speech these days. It’s ridiculous. :|
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby Stardust » 26 January 2019, 09:39

Xray's right. If he's your boyfriend, he's your boyfriend. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Some people are all about that negativity. You believe what's right for you, what does anyone else know :hug:
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby Brenden » 26 January 2019, 10:46

Stardust wrote:
Vertical wrote:
He can do what he wants who am i to tell him otherwise.

Correct.

my bf

The possessive pronoun is probably not correct.

Harsh.

Also, not a pronoun. Also, not how language works. Also, lol.
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby Stardust » 26 January 2019, 11:03

Brenden wrote:Also, not a pronoun. Also, not how language works. Also, lol.


:P
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby PopTart » 26 January 2019, 12:16

It is a tiny bit snoopy, but we can get snoopy with someone we really like, for all manner of reasons. We all get curious. If your were tracking his movements with gps, that might be something else, but taking an interest in his availability on an app like Grndr? I can see myself wanting to know something like that too, if I was getting serious about someone.

Have you asked him about what he is looking for in your relationship? A conversation worth having, if for no other reason than to find out what expectations you might have, in regards to where this relationship stands and where it might be going. There is nothing wrong with seeking some kind defined status and boundaries, if only to know for yourself, if it's a situation you wish to get more invested in.

Does he delete his Grindr profiles, knowing you have seen them? Or does he have a tendency to do this in general? Or is it specifically because you've seen it. The difference is, one would be him seeking to hide his activity (rather poorly, which makes me think he isn't being duplicitous) , the other might suggest, that he gets fed up with the app, perhaps, uses it to look for something, doesn't find it and deletes it, only to come back later searching perhaps? There could be other reasons, more personal to him, but those your only ever going to find out by asking him. It doesn't have to be confrtontational or anything, such a discussion.

Just engage with him, try to listen and make sure he knows your feelings about things. :P

Which brings us to your feelings about him, What is it you are hoping for? What kind of realtionship do you seek with this guy? Despite Vertical's comment, there is nothing wrong with wanting to call someone your bf!! Nor with wanting to be called someones bf either.

It's not bad wanting to belong to someone and have them belong to you, it can sound bad, but it's all about context and emotion.

We don't all seek to live a life of free love and complete ease with sharing that love. It's okay to have limitations.
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby mxguy01 » 26 January 2019, 19:17

Poptart is totally correct. You are discussing this with the wrong audience. The correct audience is your BF.

To expand upon the possible reasons: He's sexually frustrated at time. Goes on Grindr and eventually realizes hooking up is not for him (or whatever reason), deletes his profile. Rinse and repeat.

But again the only way your going to get past this, because it's obvious it does bother you, is to talk about it with him.
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Re: Grindr and bf

Unread postby PopTart » 26 January 2019, 19:20

^^^this, very much so, I admire you wanting to be reasonable and understanding of your partner and his position, but if you've reached a point, where this is bothering you (enough to ask about it on a public forum) then it's time to acknowledge you need some idea od where you are at in your relationship.
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