Guys, please help me!

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Guys, please help me!

Unread postby Foxtrot47 » 4 April 2019, 00:53

Hi everyone!

This is quite personal but I need to get this off my chest.

I'm new here. I'm a 25-year-old male from the UK who has been in a relationship for about 18 months. We met on Grindr (obvs) aha. Got on like a house on fire, I was instantly attracted to him, and we just ended up living together - it was great. I had my own house but we ended hanging out most nights. The sex was great - I can usually only orgasm if bottoming so I let guys know if they ask that I have a preference - not a strict one though :D We were really into each other. I am a horny guy and to me, a sexual connection with a partner is really important. We had that. He tried to make that connection with me. I would spend a good half hour getting squeaky clean and he would just fall asleep when I get into bed. Every time I try to dirty talk (I don't do it often) he just changes the conversation. During our 18 month relationship, we have probably had sex less than 10 times. It is just affection like cuddling and light kisses. It really bothers me - I really want to explore my sexuality and share that with my boyfriend. But it feels hopeless :(

Over the past 12 months he has put on about 3 stone and he says it bothers him. I genuinely liked him both ways, I love bigger guys too, and I always tell him. I hate to be selfish, but it has always been hard for me to stay faithful to a partner if we lose our sexual connection. I'm graduating University this year and I'm hoping to do an MA degree in September. So, I don't exactly have a load of cash but I have helped him with everything I have financially. He's had to move back in with his parents whilst I stay in the city because he's been out of work since August. If someone just stops trying and a year passes, am I a fool for still being here?

I know what I am a fool for. For cheating. I found a nice guy on Grindr and it felt amazing to feel sexy again and have fun - we met a couple of times. But I feel so guilty :sadblue: guilty that I haven't got the guts to spill the truth to him. But ever since then, I have just felt so keen to meet other men to please - dreaming about it frequently. I'm a pretty attractive young guy and I miss being independent, whilst enjoying casual safe sex with hot guys. I just know I'm lying to myself thinking this relationship can work, but I feel as though I'm in too deep.

Please give me some sound advice because I'm losing my mind. :crazy:
Foxtrot47
 
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Re: Guys, please help me!

Unread postby Eryx » 4 April 2019, 22:38

I think that, since you cheated on your boyfriend already, and since he's not corresponding to the sexual frequency you feel comfortable with, you should probably end things. By holding on to the relationship, you're going to hurt him by wasting his young years on you (a cheater) thinking everything's fine when it really isn't. Plus, when you leave him, he'll have the opportunity to meet someone else who wants to have sex as frequently as him and won't cheat or feel like hooking up with other guys. And maybe that change in his life will prompt him to get out and look for a new job and new opportunities in his life.

As for you, it seems to me as though you're not in the moment in your life to be dating, which is completely fine. The best course of action is to get out there and experiment. As a single man.

I hope you're using protection with these other guys so as to not leave a terrible gift to your cheated boyfriend.
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Re: Guys, please help me!

Unread postby Foxtrot47 » 5 April 2019, 14:40

Thanks for your candid reply. I know what I did was wrong - I just don't know how to tell him. I've kept it inside so long and I'd hate to tell him just after his aunt's funeral and before his birthday. Would it make things worse if I waited?
Foxtrot47
 
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Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: Guys, please help me!

Unread postby Eryx » 5 April 2019, 18:52

You don't need to tell him you cheated, unless you want to. What I don't think is right is for the relationship to continue with you being unhappy and wanting to be with other people while he's stuck without a job and doesn't reciprocate your sexual urges. You can go through this without letting him know, and I think you should, because it would be even more unnecessary heartache.

I don't think you should really take dates into account (like deaths and birthdays) because there's always something coming up that will be enough reason to postpone it. That said, it would probably be better to do it before his birthday, so if he feels too sad about it he can have his friends there to cheer him up and it won't be as bad. If you celebrate his birthday only to then break up with him, it will seem insincere and cold. But that's just my point of view, I don't know what you guys' relationship is like and it's impossible for me to make accurate assumptions just from what you shared.

Good luck either way, I wish you both the best!
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