Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

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Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby LostGuy94 » 28 October 2019, 20:30

I am having loads of guys that have girlfriends or are married messaging me on Grindr lately.

Had one this afternoon message me looking for a lad to have fun with pretty much daily despite having a lass and I feel slightly conflicted with my thoughts on it as on one hand I could be considered a home wrecker if this were to be found out but on the other hand if it's not me that gets with him then it'll only be someone else considering that's what he's looking for so considering going for it in these instances.

What are your thoughts on what I should do/think? Or have you been in this situation yourself?
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Marmaduke » 28 October 2019, 21:42

I don’t think you can really rationalise this with “if it’s not me, it’ll only be someone else” as if it’s not you, you have the moral position and that position is unaffected by him fucking someone else.

If you’re going to do it, do it because you’re happy to do it, regardless of what other people think of it. If you’re not happy to do it, or are trepidatious, don’t do it. In that case, you’re just getting lead by your dick and you’ll regret it afterwards.

Adultery is something you’re ok with or you aren’t. That’s something only you can answer. I don’t think you should do it because I’m of the opinion that adultery is a bad and broadly morally reprehensible thing to enter into knowingly.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Eryx » 29 October 2019, 00:42

I agree wholeheartedly.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Jryski » 29 October 2019, 02:52

I don't fuck with committed lads. Even if they're in an open relationship or polyamorous relationship. With guys that like guys, there's already enough drama. Throw some other folks into the mix and the potential for drama increases exponentially. If they have a partner and they're gonna be cheatin, then that's a hard pass. Just because some other kid on the playground is going to play with a piece of dog shit in the sand box doesn't mean you have to as well.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby rogonandi » 29 October 2019, 03:01

It’s not worth it. Save your cock for those who aren’t seeking it on such a cowardly manner.
People love to follow fools; they don't feel so alone then.

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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby LostGuy94 » 29 October 2019, 09:36

Thanks guys. In the istance above I felt more like potentially going for it considering it could be a regular thing which I would like at this stage as it's getting exhausting trying to get a hookup and failing with various difficulties like accommodation. My fear is going for it and regretting it. Not heard owt else from him so might not happen anyway but quite likely to occur again.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Eryx » 29 October 2019, 12:37

Well, if you're doing what you want regardless of our opinions, then the thread doesn't really have a point, does it? You probably just wanted us to say that it's not so bad and that you aren't at fault. Unfortunately, that isn't happening. I feel sorry for the lady, I hope he's being responsible enough to not risk giving her a surprise STD.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby NvM » 29 October 2019, 16:16

LostGuy94 wrote:... Not heard owt else from him so might not happen anyway but quite likely to occur again.

ok
the OP ?knows there is a difference between a hook up and a relationship :cool:
in the case of the hook up best if you let them out before breakfest.

no rewards for getting tangled up in someone else's nasty business
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Botanical Boy » 29 October 2019, 17:09

LostGuy94 wrote:I am having loads of guys that have girlfriends or are married messaging me on Grindr lately.

Had one this afternoon message me looking for a lad to have fun with pretty much daily despite having a lass and I feel slightly conflicted with my thoughts on it as on one hand I could be considered a home wrecker if this were to be found out but on the other hand if it's not me that gets with him then it'll only be someone else considering that's what he's looking for so considering going for it in these instances.

What are your thoughts on what I should do/think? Or have you been in this situation yourself?


I think daily is a bit too much of an ask. :lol: He's clearly lying to himself about what he wants in life.

If it was a once-in-a-while thing, to get whatever pent up bi energy he has out - I would be open to that.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby LostGuy94 » 29 October 2019, 18:51

Eryx wrote:Well, if you're doing what you want regardless of our opinions, then the thread doesn't really have a point, does it? You probably just wanted us to say that it's not so bad and that you aren't at fault. Unfortunately, that isn't happening. I feel sorry for the lady, I hope he's being responsible enough to not risk giving her a surprise STD.


I was torn between as to whether to do so or not, I asked here as I really value input on stuff like this as I often end up in a case of should I or shouldn't I? I was honestly thinking of going to do it but in hindsight with the comments given it's probably not the best idea to do so.

I was genuinely interested in views on the matter and apologises if I have said the wrong thing or have badly articulated this.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Eryx » 30 October 2019, 03:54

There are so many single men out there buddy! And don't feel like I'm against you, it's just a bad ethical choice.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Jzone » 30 October 2019, 05:22

I agree with most of the feedback you have received here. While I have no problem with people having multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships simultaneously, it's only ok if all parties involved are aware and in agreement. Hooking up with a guy who needs to be discreet because he is in a "committed" relationship means there is a third person whose needs, desires, and feelings are not being considered. I don't want to have any part in dismissing another person to that extent — even if I never meet them or know their name.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Brasileiro » 30 October 2019, 10:57

I find ith their responsibility, not mine. I would not have a relationship with someone who is committed and not in and open relationship, because that is basicly a dead end, but for a hook up, I could not care less. I would be happy to confront the partner even.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 October 2019, 16:44

LostGuy94 wrote:
Eryx wrote:Well, if you're doing what you want regardless of our opinions, then the thread doesn't really have a point, does it? You probably just wanted us to say that it's not so bad and that you aren't at fault. Unfortunately, that isn't happening. I feel sorry for the lady, I hope he's being responsible enough to not risk giving her a surprise STD.


I was torn between as to whether to do so or not, I asked here as I really value input on stuff like this as I often end up in a case of should I or shouldn't I? I was honestly thinking of going to do it but in hindsight with the comments given it's probably not the best idea to do so.

I was genuinely interested in views on the matter and apologises if I have said the wrong thing or have badly articulated this.


First, no apologies needed. I somewhat side with Botanical Boy that there may be edge cases. For instance, what about someone questioning... In the end, it is also not my cup of tea so to speak. Personally I think you knew it's not yours either but was looking to be told so. In the end this is a thing you have to decide for yourself ultimately. But you now know that.

I see it that in doing so you might be giving up part of what you highly value in yourself (your morals, self respect, what ever you want to call it) and replace it with a rather unsatisfying experience with a cheating dirt bag (the predominate case).
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 October 2019, 16:47

Brasileiro wrote:I find ith their responsibility, not mine. I would not have a relationship with someone who is committed and not in and open relationship, because that is basicly a dead end, but for a hook up, I could not care less. I would be happy to confront the partner even.


Interesting. This could be the side track needed. LoL. Why? To expose the one or some other reason? I would be happy to help the one to confront the partner if that is the path they choose but I wouldn't get involved just to out him so to speak.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 October 2019, 16:51

Also it was kind of suggested such guys are higher risk of STDs and such. While this may be true, it is also a reminder to "play" safely in all cases. Because until it's someone you totally trust, and that's a long ways down the path, you don't do otherwise, higher risk or not.

The words I love to hear in a hook-up conversation - "Do you have condoms"?
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Brasileiro » 30 October 2019, 17:20

mxguy01 wrote:
Brasileiro wrote:I find ith their responsibility, not mine. I would not have a relationship with someone who is committed and not in and open relationship, because that is basicly a dead end, but for a hook up, I could not care less. I would be happy to confront the partner even.


Interesting. This could be the side track needed. LoL. Why? To expose the one or some other reason? I would be happy to help the one to confront the partner if that is the path they choose but I wouldn't get involved just to out him so to speak.

I meant the same thing. I would not go to the partner to out him. That is just being spiteful or something, wrong emotion anyway, but if the partner would come to me steaming, I would not run, or deny it, I would address it in a very calm way.

I totally agree on the std thing. One should have safe sex regardless if there are other parties involved. You can bet there almost always are even if it is not at the same time...
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby uncut7in » 30 October 2019, 21:27

I can only speak from my own experience, that I had a loving relationship with a bi-curious guy who was also in a live-in relationship with his girlfriend. It lasted for over 4 years, and though it was complicated at times we were loyal to each other (as regards other guys).

Although I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, I have no regrets.
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Re: Guys with girlfriends/partners seeking guys

Unread postby Brasileiro » 31 October 2019, 09:04

uncut7in wrote:I can only speak from my own experience, that I had a loving relationship with a bi-curious guy who was also in a live-in relationship with his girlfriend. It lasted for over 4 years, and though it was complicated at times we were loyal to each other (as regards other guys).

Although I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, I have no regrets.

did the other party know?
I have been in a relationship with someone with a partner and he did know, but it was also complecated and did not last.

In general, I believe that it okay to experiment any type of relationship. We can not assume relationships will always work or last but at least one has tried and learned from it, which will benefit the next relationship.
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