Happiness at a cost, can it work?

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Happiness at a cost, can it work?

Unread postby Hornysam2 » 18 September 2021, 09:02

So after a difficult few weeks, trying to find my feet in my new world things are now moving on.
Those that followed my other thread, know what I was trying to get through and the pain I was going through after my first gay experience went completely wrong.

Anyway I decided it was time to try and force some changes, either I continued to walk around feeling like I was or I acted. So with good advice from people on here I decided to act.

I decided to go to the barbers shop and have had a complete change of style that has made me feel good and I bought myself some fresh new clothes both of these were positive moves and made me feel better after the rejection I had suffered.

I joined a site called Fabguys which I think is available in the US as well as here in the UK. Set up a profile and offers came pouring in!! That made me feel pretty good to be honest. I thought well I need to broaden my horizons if this is ever going to work for me. So I arranged a couple of hookups and enjoyed some fabulous sex. That made me realise I am now a gay man, women no longer do it for me, it's all about the cock for me now!

Anyhow I received a message from a nice polite young guy, he is 28 I am 54 flattered or what? We chatted online and he seemed very genuine, just one think he was a bi guy and in a happy relationship with his partner and their child. Ok I thought a regular guy I can have some fun with but without complications. We arranged to meet at my place one night and he blew me away. The sex was out of this world, I never knew sex could be like that it was so amazing. When we had finished we just laid there cuddling naked and talking I felt do good. This was everything I had dreamt about with a guy. He set his stall out and asked me what I wanted from him, I said a regular guy who would also be a friend. Lots of us time and as a new guy in this world I needed someone who could teach me to be a better lover having not had much experience.

He said that was cool he wanted the same, although he obviously didn't need a teacher. I realised that from the things he had done to me over the preceeding 2 hours!! He made it clear from the off that this was about sex and friendship and would never end in him leaving his partner and child. I said I was happy with that because having been in a 20 year abusive marriage I had no desire to jump back into a new relationship. The whole set up was perfect, not only is he a young he is so hot, I have to pinch myself believing he would even give me a 2nd look.

I have found myself feeling a whole new range of emotions not to mention wanting him all day every day because making love with this man is so good, he is kind and considerate, doesn't want me to do anything I'm not comfortable with but at the time wants to know what I want to do or try. Honestly I have to keep pinching myself to make sure I am not dreaming.

However I am also having to contend with the fact that I am his secret and the realisation that this will most likely be the best its ever going to get and a small part of me is worried that might become a problem down the line. I have already found myself developing feelings towards him, is it just infatuation because he has made me feel alive and it will settle down, or is it more than that? I have to remember that he has already said this is regular sex and friendship and can not be anymore. I have agreed to that but am I setting myself up for a massive fall further down the line? Do I just roll with it and see where it goes or am I making a mistake?

I never expected all this a few weeks ago, I'm not sure what I expected to be honest I just wanted someone to want me for being me. I have that with this wonderful guy but I now worry is it going to be enough?

I'm not the type of guy that could just spend my time sleeping with lots of guys every week. I do want to share myself with someone, I want that to be my new man, he is so wonderful but can it work long term. He makes me smile, he makes me Laugh, he makes me feel wanted but at the end of the day I have to watch him leave to go back to his little family. I dont mind that now but will it start to anniy me knowing I will always be 2nd on his list??

I know without question I will end up falling for him big time because that is what I always have done throughout my life. I have already given him exclusivity, I won't see other guys while he is in my life because that's just me and I have morals. Do I ask him if he is doing the same?

So many questions, so many feelings and emotions running through my brain right now. What do you all think? Am I making a big mistake with this amazing guy? Or do I just live for the present and enjoy myself? He is already talking about making space for me in his life so we can have full days together. Time to get to know each other better and also time for cuddles and amazing sex. Can this be enough or am I overthinking things??

All advice is appreciated and I read all the replies, good and not so good if anyone has been in a similar position I would especially like to know what you think?

Thanks in advance. Sam:)
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Re: Happiness at a cost, can it work?

Unread postby pozzie » 18 September 2021, 18:44

Congratulations on getting out there and getting something other than your feet wet! Sounds great.

You've asked specific questions about relating to your BiGuy. From what you've said, it sounds like he's been crystal clear about his boundaries and you mostly seem willing to respect them but then not quite. You bring up exclusivity and that already sounds a bit like a chain to me. Maybe he wants just one man in his life for fun and it will work out, but if you invest too much meaning in that emotionally, there might be a problem down the road.

But my question is why tether yourself to one man who you probably can never share a life with? You can still spend time with him and date other men. And besides, what if the next guy you meet is someone who comes unattached and would like a bit more than just fuckbuddy? Yes, while a bottom line approach to "what makes a man gay?" is the fact they have sex with other men, but we also like to say there are other reasons. By limiting yourself here at the onset you're going to forgo learning more, at least for some time.

Not saying you have to hang out at the tubs all your life, but at least think about meeting and getting to know other gay men. We're a varied bunch and I've know everything from drag queens to firemen so at least get to know (and not necessarily in the Biblical sense) some other gay men.

As for BiGuy, just go with the flow. Most importantly, try to keep your emotions in check and stay realistic. He sounds like a great fuckbuddy (aka Friends with Benefits). Enjoy! Learn. Have fun! But keep your feet on the ground and respect his boundaries. Don't fall into the trap of using the other L word - and no, I don't mean lesbian.
— formerly pozboro
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