Heartbreak part 2....

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Heartbreak part 2....

Unread postby Chapters5 » 27 November 2019, 01:48

Hello everyone, around last summer I made a post concerning a breakup, and here I am again..

I was so hurt by my last breakup that i went on dating apps the day after it was over. I went on a couple of unsuccessful dates and it made me feel worse. Finally i changed the app and met someone decent. This was two months after my breakup and i was still healing/getting over my ex. I started talking to this guy a lot and seeing he was serious and showed me interest, he made me so happy that I forgot about my ex. As time went on we had some arguments because i suffer from anxiety and depression, and i was still recovering from heartbreak, so i was telling him that whenever he took a long time to txt back it affected me too much. When i told him i needed to talk to him about it , he rushed to come see me, he seemed to care so much i thought.

Months went by, we had more arguments about different stuff, i didn't like that he was too open on social media (adding random people all the time) and it made me anxious. He also didn't like that im still learning to drive (im 29, and been postponing the courses because i was depressed/unmotivated for years and driving wasn't a priority in my life). He was always ordering me when i should practice with my dad, i told him a few times i would do it but that day i was too tired or my dad couldnt make it.. didnt think much about it. Not only that but he was making alot of bad comments about my brushing technique and my teeth (he's a dentistry student) which obviously didn't help my self esteem. Also comments that i always wear the same clothes, and another comment that my family is poor.

The arguments were present often, i can blame myself that i was complaining alot, but couldnt help it :( Despite all this he never let me go, even when i told him many times to leave me . We had unforgettable moments together and he was always telling me how happy he was to be with me, referring to me as his husband, talking about our future, telling he loved me, tagging me on facebook multiple times a day, calling me multiple times a day. So where im going with all this, sunday the 17th we went out together, everything was okay, we had a mini argument cause i was exhausted of always being the one to travel to see him ( he's too busy studying )

The next day we were talking normally but then he started insisting on my dad to practice driving with me, i asked my dad and he couldnt show me. My boyfriend(now ex) flipped out and was shouting at me ordering me to practice, he said that one day he was gonna be fed up... then he said ''well talk about it tomorrow" i was hurt and i didnt want to stress all night about it, i told him to leave me if he wasnt satisfied, and he did just that. He told me we're not compatible and he was thinking about it for some time but couldn't tell me. The next day i tried to explain myself but he said were too different, that i didnt keep my promises, "practice driving, calling a dentist". He said he saw me more as a friend, he didnt think we had enough in common.

I was shocked cause it was all of a sudden. He said he loved me but not enough to consider long term, while he was always telling me he loved me. I tried to get back together but he didnt wanna hear anything. Also when he broke up i felt so shitty that i called him names by text. Then came the guilt because its me who told him to leave me. But anyways he didnt love me enough as he said... plus he already told me "its finished" one time just to get my attention... i guess i was tired of his multiple little (fake) "threats" along the way, of ending the relationship, but that he never acted on before, and always seemed to give me a chance and truly love me.... i told him that id make a change and efforts for him, he didnt want to hear anything. He also said he didnt have time to offer me cause of his studies.

I asked to meet him in person to talk about it and didnt make me feel better. Although he said he wouldnt disappear, He seemed very indifferent and in the end i denied him a hug that he asked for two times. The day after i texted him cause i couldnt resist it, and i never heard from him since. He did say he wouldnt reach out in the following days and that he wouldnt disappear, but he just didnt aknowledge my txts at all or blocked my number.

Now i feel hopeless, and more lonely than ever. Whats the point of getting into a relationship if im always getting heartbroken. from the start i knew it was gonna end like this. How can i trust someone if they act like nothings wrong all this time. Sorry for the very long story. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you if you've read this far.

X
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Re: Heartbreak part 2....

Unread postby Eryx » 27 November 2019, 04:08

Every relationship is an opportunity to learn and become a better person and partner for the next one, at some point you reach a level of maturity and level-headedness that luckily will be enough for the relationship to really last. Lots of it is just luck too.

I think it's so weird that he was so obsessed with you getting a license. What's the issue? Was it because he wanted you to drive him places or see you more often? So random...

I think the biggest lesson here (at least from what you wrote) is that making threats of breaking up or telling a significant other to leave you aren't really good behaviors and you should probably stop that. I personally think I'd feel a little fed up after a while if a boyfriend of mine kept telling me to go. At some point I'd just say "fine..."

Also, it's usually easier to get in a stable relationship when you feel good about yourself and can be self-sufficient. There are some things you need to work on that are better to fix when you're on your own. If you start dating someone and your head isn't in a good place, there will be self-esteem issues and they will pile up to create bad situations, for example you complaining of who he adds as friends online.
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Re: Heartbreak part 2....

Unread postby Chapters5 » 27 November 2019, 22:34

Thanks for the reply. I told him to leave me because i was tired of being shouted at, but didn't mean it literally. If he really loved me i dont think he wouldve left me, that was just the last straw for him cause he was already overwhelmed over telling me what to do ex; Dentist,driving, and gave me all the reasons in the book not to be with me. Its like i gave him an easy way out that he was waiting for. And no reply yet for my last texts , not that i expect him to ever respond at this point
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Re: Heartbreak part 2....

Unread postby Eryx » 28 November 2019, 03:59

My ex-boyfriend also stopped replying very soon after we broke up, even though he was adamant that he wanted to maintain a friendship after we were done. Granted I was the one doing the breaking up, but all I want to say is that it happens and it can also just mean he needs some time off to cool down.

What I meant to say with my other post is that maybe he did love you at some point, but the things that weren't working just caused too much friction and he decided to let it go. Sure, maybe if he loved you more by the end, he'd still hold out for you, but telling him to leave you repeatedly can't help, and no matter how much someone loves you, that doesn't mean it's an infinite feeling without being reinforced frequently. Friction and negativity can contribute to feelings wearing off too.

All that said, he shouldn't be yelling at you at all. Or pressuring you to do things the way he wanted you to.

My advice is to try and move on, work on yourself, and in no time there will be an opportunity to meet someone else.
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Re: Heartbreak part 2....

Unread postby Chapters5 » 28 November 2019, 15:13

But the breakup was all of a sudden, how am I suppose to know if someone doesn't really love me when they showed the complete opposite? He didn't breakup because i told him to leave me (besides he started that fight that led to the breakup, by forcing me to practice with my dad which i said i would, but my dad was tired that day).
He broke up because he said he was thinking about it for some time and that there were alot of other problems that added up. I was caught by surprise because i wasnt expecting it to end so suddenly even though we had frictions. I think this had to do with school and also he said he didnt see a future with me, but he was always talking about our future... just a confusing situation and i'm still in shock and it's difficult to accept it but i can't do anything about it now. :'(
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Re: Heartbreak part 2....

Unread postby whatever1979 » 29 November 2019, 08:10

Maybe he is a narcissist, who knows? You can google it if you want, there’s lots of info about narcissists online. They all act the same in relationships. Maybe it could help you understand his weird behaviour (especially the driving thing, I don’t get it). I hope you’ll get over him someday, I know heartbreak is so hard to go through:(
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