Help me decipher my coworker

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Help me decipher my coworker

Unread postby rxxli » 17 January 2020, 21:30

I would like to think that this isn't a classic "is he gay" thread from the old days of GTF, but who am I kidding...

So, basically there is this guy that works in my company (smallish thing with about 20 people). He's been with us for about three years now and he is a few years younger than me (24). He is a typical software guy really... skinny, wears glasses, soft voice, ... For the past year or two I have been perfectly fine thinking that he is straight and that was it. We've gotten friendly in that time... gone out to get food together, talked about random stuff, ... We started talking more and more around summer last year.

But what really got me suspicious is when we had a company team-building planned at the end of the year (we were supposed to go go-karting) and after it got cancelled the first time the thing was moved to a different day. And so our office manager told everyone to mark if we are going or not. And that's when he sent me a message on Slack asking me if I am going. And I really wasn't feeling like it, so I said no to which he responded with "then I am not going either". And I replied that he should go if he wants to and he just fired back with "I am not going if you are not going". That surprised me. The guy likes racing and motorsport. Why wouldn't he go? He goes along great with other coworkers as well... some he knew from the company where they worked before.

Our conversations at this point seem to be a pretty regular thing... we talk on slack almost daily about random stuff during work time. And he even drove 1.5 hours during the winter holidays and came to visit me. We played games, talked about stuff and such.
Now, he often pings me on slack during work hours (and other times I ping him), but we almost never talk outside our work hours. We really only talked on Messenger during the winter holiday - before and after he came to visit and even that wasn't some super long conversation. I've been trying to get some more personal information out of him, but he rarely goes into more personal stuff unless I explicitly ask. When he brought home made cookies to work I almost had to pry out of him that he and his mother made them. Apparently he made one kind and she the other.

Then there is this weeks conversation when we were talking about our weekends. He said he went to the cinema. So I tried figuring out if he went alone or not and said something like "I would go more often if I had somebody to go with me". And he just replied with "Maybe I can go with you some day" (keep in mind the guy lives 1.5h drive away from me). I of course replied that I would like that.

I need somebody more objective here... is he just being friendly? Am I overthinking this? What should I do? Advise please! :lol:
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Re: Help me decipher my coworker

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 18 January 2020, 02:28

My personal opinion nothing here says hes gay. Just seems like a nice guy and a potentially good friend. The distance imo doesnt matter much. If a friend were to tell me "id go to the movies more if i had someone to go with" my natural response would be I'd go with you.
Im gay but to anyone im friendly with i would say that. I'm also closeted so i pay close attention to things that could be percieved as "gay". And i would have no problem saying that to a buddy at my job. Especially if they said they had noone to go with.

Are you out at work?

But so far nothing seems suspicious to me.
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Re: Help me decipher my coworker

Unread postby rxxli » 18 January 2020, 11:18

No, I am not out at work.
And thanks for the opinion, I appreciate it.
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Re: Help me decipher my coworker

Unread postby rxxli » 18 January 2020, 13:53

Well I am now at least fairly certain that he isn't homophobic... so that's something.
He pinged me today on Messenger and we got into a conversation about our favorite movies. And I slipped Prayers For Bobby in there (it really is one of my favorites). Which if you don't know is a gay themed movie. The first line of description on IMDB says so. He said that he may watch it since it has a good score on IMDB.
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Re: Help me decipher my coworker

Unread postby rxxli » 16 February 2020, 01:48

Well I finally finished this little drama and I am now sure that he isn’t gay.
But on the bright side I told him that I am and he didn’t seem to mind.

Long version:
The whole situation was eating me after lunch for a while so I just decided to talk to him. And he gave me a perfect “in” when he asked me what I’ll be watching next (we talk a lot about movies and shows). So I just said that I have a few LGBT movies waiting and I’ll see one of those. He replied that this is a very specific genre. And I just said that it’s very close to me for hopefully obvious reasons and that I am a sucker for romance. He then avoided any kind of conversation about the actual point that I just made and just asked me about my favourite romantic movie. I listed off a few (he mentioned that he actually saw Love Simon which is slightly weird). After the conversation finished the whole thing kept bugging me so later in the evening I just said that I hope I didn’t surprise him too much. He said that he was a bit surprised but that he doesn’t care and he supports me. The whole day was emotional as shit. I was shaking half of the day and was unable to do anything. But I finally managed to relax after he said he was fine with it.
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Re: Help me decipher my coworker

Unread postby Derek » 16 February 2020, 02:51

I hadn't read this thread before but based on just your first post it sounds like he's shy and happy to have made a friend.
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Re: Help me decipher my coworker

Unread postby rxxli » 16 February 2020, 03:07

Derek wrote:I hadn't read this thread before but based on just your first post it sounds like he's shy and happy to have made a friend.

He is certainly a bit shy, but probably less than me. As for the second part... from our talks I am quite sure that he has more friends than me.

But yes... for the “ending”... read the post above. :D
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