Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

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Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 5 May 2019, 20:56

I December I started a sexual relationship with a man I have known for nearly 4 years. I had a crush on him all those years, but he's the one who initiated our physical connection.

We were together a lot for the first 2 months. He was recovering from prostate cancer surgery and has ED as a result. But the ED was not an issue for me.

Then he told me he "uses" meth. But not a lot and he wanted to quit. I told him I would support him through his quitting.

Then he had a "friend with benefits" return to town and he dedicates one day a week to this guy.

We've argued about that several times. Broke up and always get back together.

Last week I went over for dinner and spent the night. It was wonderful. I was to spend the next night and then take him to the airport early the next morning.

However, that afternoon after texting back and forth a bit I got a text I didn't initially understand. Then, I realized he sent a text to me he meant for another man with the same first name.

He was confirming that that guy would come at 5 PM, do meth and Trimix and have sex but leave before I arrived. When I confronted him he said it was a 3 way he lined up for us. But I knew that was a lie.

He's been out of town for five days. In texts I've called him everything but a child of god. He finally responded that we need to talk when we calm down.

I still love the jerk. He's 70 years old and a meth addict and a cockhound.

After typing all this I guess I already know the writing is on the wall.

I just don't want to believe he's really done with me in favor of drugs and lots of meth fueled sex.

I'm a great guy and I don't deserve this.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 May 2019, 21:08

Playing devils advocate here, it doesn’t sound a lot like he’s ever come into this relationship with an expectation of anything more than sex. You sound like friends with benefits. Yeah, it’s not nice that he’s lying to you about who else he’s sleeping with, but I don’t think he’s necessarily out of line for actually sleeping with them.

Are you sure you two want the same things?
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 5 May 2019, 21:11

It wasn't that he was going to have sex with a man. But what mattered was who it was, when he scheduled it to take place and that they were going to do meth and Trimix. Very sneaky and a shitty thing to do
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 May 2019, 21:14

What’s wrong with who it was?
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 5 May 2019, 21:18

He is a meth head who encourages my bf to not quit the drug.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 May 2019, 21:22

You’ve chosen to continue seeing a person suffering with drug addiction, and told them you would support them through it. What did you think that undertaking would involve? Drug addicts, as a group, aren’t known for their tendency towards honourable conduct and positive life choices. Didn’t you think that entering into an open relationship with a man who is addicted to a recreational drug largely associated with sex in the LGBT community would at some point run into this speed bump? It’s going to happen again. What are you going to do to provide the support you’ve said you would?
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 5 May 2019, 21:25

You are really confrontational.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 May 2019, 21:29

I mean, I’m really not in this circumstance. You’re the one that offered to support someone in recovery from drug addiction, that’s a HUGE and hugely difficult undertaking. I just want to see if you understand the gravity of what you’ve promised to do, or if your actual problem here is committing to things without really understanding what they are.

To approach it from another angle, why is it you love him? What do you love about him? Sell me the good qualities.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby René » 5 May 2019, 21:36

Mikeyk954 wrote:You are really confrontational.

I would say he's very honest. You always know where you stand with Joe. This can be very constructive.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Derek » 5 May 2019, 23:03

You think that's confrontational? Buddy, you're pining after an ailing, polygamous, 70-year-old meth user who knew you for years... but only initiated a relationship with you during the time when he was recovering from surgery and couldn't get an erection. That's not even Florence Nightingale syndrome, it's straight-up emotional masochism. If it was in fact the prospect of pain and degradation that drew you into the relationship, then I'd suggest staying the course.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 6 May 2019, 00:35

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIM

Handsome
Sexy
Good in bed
Sexually very compatible

Nice body

Hairy chest

Kind

Gentle

Able to talk about anything to anyone

Wit

Wisdom

Intelligence

Empathy

Compassion

Passion

Love and dedication to his kids/grandchildren

Wants partner who likes his kids/kids like him

Equal sex drive

Leather, BDSM, Kink

We talk about everything, our history & desires

We look into each other's eyes deeply while in bed and talk & caress each other

Accepts my health problems and limitations

Frugal

He is a great cook

His smile

His personality

His ass. His dick
He's a great kisser

His commitment to his ex who has cancer

He says he loves me

****His ED is treatable
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 6 May 2019, 01:59

Mikeyk954 wrote:After typing all this I guess I already know the writing is on the wall.

I just don't want to believe he's really done with me in favor of drugs and lots of meth fueled sex.

I'm a great guy and I don't deserve this.


This guy sounds like a loser who is set in his ways. Make sure you get tested for std's. No matter how much you love him the sooner he's out of your life the better it will be for you.

Either give him an ultimatum of drugs and sex or you. Or leave the loser with a clean break.

He's 70 years old its not like he just picked up a meth habit. Hes probably been doing it long before you guys met.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 12:24

Ive done meth for 2-3 years. Just telling you right now, it's not a substance you can control. Ive been clean for 2 years. I quit on my own cuz it wrecked me. It got so bad I had to move to a different country so I could quit cold turkey. I had dreams about doing it for months and it wasn't pleasant at all. He may be all the wonderful things you described but he is also all the bad things you didn't describe. You can't change him and he's not your responsibility. He's a 70 year old man for god sakes. You should figure out what's best for you and because you posted this question, I think you already know the answer. I ended up breaking up with the guy Im with even though he's a great guy. He was the one that introduced me to meth and I did meth with. He was the first and only boyfriend I ever had and the love was deep and mutual. But at the end of the day it had to be done.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 6 May 2019, 12:30

Yes you are probably right. I hate giving up on him though. But I'm coming to realize that he is going to pick the drug and his drug buddies over me every time.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 12:38

Same thing with me and my ex. He loves me (which is true) but I was the one that had to get out, leave, and hide everytime his drug buddies came over. I was the most sane out of all his fuck buddies but I can't win against all the delusional drug fiends. He loved me the most and its true but he will never be mine. You're not giving up on him, you got tossed out basically.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 6 May 2019, 12:41

Again true. You're very wise about this kind of thing.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 12:51

Funny thing is, I used to be a relational counselor at a nonprofit organization in the ghetto that actually helped people get off the streets and out of addiction. I never even touched drugs before I met this guy but in the end, even I got sucked into drug addiction all because of love. It's a dangerous world when love gets added to the mix.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 6 May 2019, 12:57

I understand that. Drug use is a hard limit for me. I hardly ever drink alcohol.

I told him I would be with him and support him IF he was wanting to get treatment. I think I got my answer to that last Wednesday as well.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 12:59

Thing with meth is my ex and I talked about quitting together all the time but we never did it. It's just too good. It literally had to destroy my life for me to snap out of it and quit.
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Re: Help me! I'm head of heels for the wrong guy

Unread postby Mikeyk954 » 6 May 2019, 14:11

I am afraid that has to happen to him for him to face his addiction. At this time he is mostly a high functioning meth addict. None of our joint friends know. The ex he lives with doesn't know. He keeps a part time job and continues his non drug social activities. But he is habitually late for everything and his memory is being effected I think.
Your posts are really helping to clarify what I need to do.
Thanks
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