Hookup apps and new relationships

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Hookup apps and new relationships

Unread postby TedHereford » 18 January 2021, 16:42

Hi, I’ve been talking to this guy everyday for 2 months, and been on two very successful dates and there has been discussions about a future. Unfortunately distance and a national lockdown (thanks Covid) have meant we’ve not seen each other since new year. Since then he’s been back at university 100 miles away.

My friends near his university though have reported seeing him on Grindr recently. I’m unsure as to how to react as we aren’t official.

Any advice??
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Re: Hookup apps and new relationships

Unread postby PanicP » 20 January 2021, 02:15

Hi Ted, nice to see a fellow Brit!
I’m in a very similar situation. The guy I’m talking to I met on Grindr (although we have hooked up and still are) and after our second hook up he blocked me as he said “he was jealous when he saw me online talking to other men”.
Since then, we talk via Instagram Messenger and I know he is still on Grindr and still talking to other guys.

The situation sucks, I feel for you. I’ve awkwardly brought the conversation up before and he’s openly said he talks to people but hasn’t hooked up with anyone which put my mind to rest (a little). If you feel comfortable to do so, you should ask him where you stand. Ask if he’s talking to other guys and tell him if you are also doing the same.

Good luck!
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Re: Hookup apps and new relationships

Unread postby René » 20 January 2021, 12:44

I have a sense that a lot of guys on apps like Grindr have such a different attitude/mindset and treat sex so casually that as long as they aren't official with / committed to anyone, it doesn't even register in their minds that it might be surprising or upsetting for a (prospective) partner that they would still be on Grindr talking and potentially hooking up with people in the meantime.

I don't think it necessarily means they have any malicious intent or aren't serious about possibly entering a committed relationship with you if things keep going well, or that they wouldn't honour a commitment.

But how many of these guys are actually suitable candidates for a committed relationship who could be trusted to take commitment seriously, I have no idea. As a general rule, it seems wise to avoid any guys who ever go on Grindr and stick to guys found on Tinder or elsewhere who don't seem to use Grindr. Unfortunately that may not leave very many. And there definitely are guys on Grindr looking for a serious committed relationship, or who are open to one. It's a bit of a quandary.

Also as a general rule, I don't think it's terribly helpful to pry into what people are doing when not in your presence. Not so much because it's wrong as because it can easily do more harm than good in a variety of ways. (Not saying you did that here at all, based on what you said; just speaking generally.)
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Re: Hookup apps and new relationships

Unread postby PanicP » 21 January 2021, 18:41

René wrote:Also as a general rule, I don't think it's terribly helpful to pry into what people are doing when not in your presence. Not so much because it's wrong as because it can easily do more harm than good in a variety of ways. (Not saying you did that here at all, based on what you said; just speaking generally.)


This is very good advise.
I know this, but I can’t seem to follow it.
The more you know, the more it will hurt.
And again, some people don’t even recognise that going on the apps will hurt someone. I’m the first to be upset knowing that someone I’m talking to is on Grindr, but I’m no better because I’m also on there with no intention of meeting anyone. What’s to say they are not doing the same?
If I didn’t know, I wouldn’t be worried about something that might not have even happened.
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PostThis post was deleted by Brenden on 26 January 2021, 11:25.
Reason: self-promotion spam

PostThis post was deleted by Brenden on 26 January 2021, 11:25.
Reason: self-promotion spam


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