How do I come out to parents who I know won’t accept me?

Ask questions and discuss your relationships with partners or parents, family or friends.

How do I come out to parents who I know won’t accept me?

Unread postby OhHeyItsZach » 18 February 2020, 00:06

I’m not planning on coming out just yet but I have worries for the future when I do. I have heard my parents’ opinions about LGBT before, I know they don’t accept it and that they will think something is wrong with me. How do I get around this? The thought of coming out to them terrifies me... I’m not sure that I can.
User avatar
OhHeyItsZach
 
Posts: 112
+1s received: 42
Joined: 16 February 2020, 00:33

Re: How do I come out to parents who I know won’t accept me?

Unread postby Derek » 18 February 2020, 00:20

If there's a chance that they'll eventually come around, then it's better to do it sooner than later. Think of it like ripping off a band-aid. But if you still depend on them financially, it might be wiser to wait until you can handle being on your own.
User avatar
Derek
 
Posts: 5917
+1s received: 2007
Joined: 21 December 2012, 02:12
Country: United States (us)

Re: How do I come out to parents who I know won’t accept me?

Unread postby OhHeyItsZach » 18 February 2020, 00:24

Derek wrote:If there's a chance that they'll eventually come around, then it's better to do it sooner than later. Think of it like ripping off a band-aid. But if you still depend on them financially, it might be wiser to wait until you can handle being on your own.


I don't know if they will or not but by the way the talk about LGBT people I doubt it. I don't totally depend on them financially as I do live on my own, but borrow money evey now and agin if needed between paychecks which I do pay back,so I shouldn't have to wait to tell them.
User avatar
OhHeyItsZach
 
Posts: 112
+1s received: 42
Joined: 16 February 2020, 00:33

Re: How do I come out to parents who I know won’t accept me?

Unread postby PopTart » 18 February 2020, 05:44

Tl;dr it could go horribly, but even if it does, that doesnt mean your relationship with your parents is broken forever. It's a risk, you take a chance, but it might work out for the best and either way it goes, I believe it's better to live life on your own terms.

In detail,
Sometimes, you might be surprised.

It's entirely possible that the things your parents say, may not be deep rooted beliefs or opinions, but surface thoughts, mild opinions, that come more from what their parents or social peers might say on the matter, lacking any real world, personal experience with honest to god, real gay people. I lost count of the number of family and even friends who would say derogatory things about gay people while I was growing up, never realising one was in their midst, who later, pretty much had no genuine problem with it, instead just parotting, things they had heard others say before them.

I emphasize the *may* in this situation. Only you can gauge for certain, their temperament on the matter. And only you can decide what is more important to you, being out and open with them or living more with a secret part of your life and knowing they are there for you. Personally, I think it better to be honest and face upto the challenge sooner rather that later. Putting off something that, to live fully as a self accepting gay person, you will inevitably have to do anyway, is just prolonging the inevitable. If it goes horribly at first, all the better to start working on the problem sooner, rather than later, it may be hard, whenever you do it, but living a secret or double life is hard and that shit's forever.

It doesnt have to be an either/or situation. There is the possibility of having both open, honesty and keeping a good relationship with your parents. It might take some work to get there, if they genuinely dont understand your sexuality in the beginning.

Just remember, that even an initial negative reaction, can with time and effort, turn around into acceptance and understanding.

How much hardship can you face right now and how much work are you willing to put into helping them understand and accept?
ImageImage
User avatar
PopTart
 
Posts: 2687
+1s received: 2236
Joined: 12 December 2017, 11:15
Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: How do I come out to parents who I know won’t accept me?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 18 February 2020, 17:56

OhHeyItsZach wrote:
Derek wrote:If there's a chance that they'll eventually come around, then it's better to do it sooner than later. Think of it like ripping off a band-aid. But if you still depend on them financially, it might be wiser to wait until you can handle being on your own.


I don't know if they will or not but by the way the talk about LGBT people I doubt it. I don't totally depend on them financially as I do live on my own, but borrow money evey now and agin if needed between paychecks which I do pay back,so I shouldn't have to wait to tell them.


Well stop borrowing from them as soon as time permits.

Since you're not dependent on them - tell them, but for you, if that's what you want. If you're not doing it for you, who are you doing it for... This is an area it is more than just ok to be selfish. Tell them or not, do it for yourself.

I somewhat regret I never told my parents for they never really knew who I was. Then again, I don't regret it because they chose not to see me... Honestly in this day and age, admittedly depending upon where you live in this world, I'd think I would tell them. But I'm not you and I'd repeat again, make that choice with you only as the consideration on that one.
Last edited by mxguy01 on 18 February 2020, 22:29, edited 1 time in total.
---
I love to travel but hate to arrive -- Albert Einstein
---
The only thing worse than an Did Not Finish (DNF) is an Did Not Start (DNS). ~~ Me
---
It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. ~~ Chinese fortune cookie
User avatar
mxguy01
 
Posts: 4659
+1s received: 2202
Joined: 23 October 2017, 23:12
Location: NorCal
Country: United States (us)

Re: How do I come out to parents who I know won’t accept me?

Unread postby OhHeyItsZach » 18 February 2020, 20:12

Thanks for the advice everyone, you have given me alot to think about.
User avatar
OhHeyItsZach
 
Posts: 112
+1s received: 42
Joined: 16 February 2020, 00:33


Recently active
Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider], CommonCrawl [Bot], Eos, Mojeek [Bot] and 25 guests