How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

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How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby MamaCandy » 21 October 2018, 03:38

My daughter started doing drag 3 years ago. Now she wants to go to the next level but where we are living at I don't know how to help her do that. She is loved by everyone that sees her but she can't work at most places that queens perform at. As a child drag queen it is hard to find things for her to do. She keeps asking for a YouTube page so she can get out there. I am worrying about letting her do that but think it my be the next step. In the last 3 years she had two people say they wanted to be her drag mom. Which was great because I thought they would help her with stuff. However both of them are not around. One of them have quit drag and the other we are supporting in her transformation into a woman. The problems are that I'm not sure how to navigate this world and really need help. My daughter is only 10 so in the state of Michigan there is not much for her.
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Re: How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby azgayguy » 21 October 2018, 04:12

My advice is shelter them from this life. When I was 10 I was befriended by a older boy who I did not like but my parents pushed him at me because they thought he was a good kid. I hated him and still do to this day. Things started slowly but I still remember the night he went all the way with me. And you want to expose your child to these kinds of people??? Have you not seen the video of the boy doing drag thrusting his hips and the older drag queen having to swat the older mans hand away.

She is 10 let her be a kid and protect her or him if it a son you are calling a daughter. I would love to have what was taken back and you are pushing her towards the kind of people who would ruin her life for their pleasure. I think you are out of your mind for sexualizing her at this age and it is probably well over the line of abuse to let her/him do this. I get sick to my stomach every time a video of one of these drag kids comes up, I know where their life is headed and it is not a pleasant life.
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Re: How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby MamaCandy » 21 October 2018, 09:51

We are not pushing anything. One day she just started doing. And she is NOT being sexualized at all. We are very protective of her. I was a pageant kid in the 80's and 90's. I had alot taken from me at a young age. If we tell her no she will try to do it anyway and then I can't protect her. I'm very sorry that happened to you as a child and I understand where you are coming from but we are not pushing anything. She is pulling hard every time we try to push her back. But I don't want to get a phone call at 3am saying my daughter snuck out and got killed or raped or kidnapped because we tried to keep her from being who she is.
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Re: How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby lightnight » 21 October 2018, 10:28

You ARE the adult and the guardian in this situation. Act like it.

Personally, I don't even think that a ten year old should identify as trans (as a child's sense of identity can change a lot in their growing years). I would suggest that you watch the many confession-type youtube videos of people who transitioned, and realized that they really didn't want to be the other gender, and they got permanent damage from the process of transitioning. Gender change is no child play. Transitioning before puberty is even more dangerous. You don't want a thirty year old son who decided he wasn't a woman, but his genitals couldn't develop during puberty because his parents supported his female fantasy.

Now, back to the topic... i.e., the next step for your child drag queen. 10 is absolutely no age for anyone to be a working drag queen (performing in a club etc). Even if you don't think it's not sexual, you can't always keep an eye on your child (as you said yourself) and his company, and even if you're there with him, clubs are just not for children.


I would try introducing him to cosplay. There's the aspect of dressing up, it's more age appropriate, there are other children and parents who are into it. It's a different, safer environment.
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Re: How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby James M » 21 October 2018, 11:09

I think 10 is a very young age for your son to want to be a drag queen, in just a couple of years he’ll start going through a lot of changes, and at the end of puberty be a much more self-actualised individual.

Coming from an area with a very small drag scene, I understand that your son may feel as though he’s a big fish stuck in a small pond, but he won’t be able to see all the risks and dangers that lie ahead if he is to get into drag at such a young age. You on the other hand, are aware of the potential risk of harm and as his mother you clearly care a lot about him, so I would advise that you explain to him that he’s too young for such a hobby, but the above idea of cosplaying would allow him to be able to dress up as a girl, let his personality shine and have a creative outlet.

Kids can’t always get what they want, which is okay. I think the idea that he might kick out and rebel and getting harmed is you as a parent anticipating the worst. By all means, still allow him to play with hair and makeup and dresses, but dressing up and drag are two different things. There’s not really much a ten year old drag queen can do, so he won’t be missing out on any potential opportunities. And if, when he’s old enough to make the decision for himself, he still wants to pursue a career as a drag queen, then you can allow him to do so and show your support.
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Re: How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby PopTart » 21 October 2018, 12:02

I'm not going to tell you your parenting technique is bad, because i I think that what your saying is making quite abit of sense.

I think your right to identify, that your child is better supported and encouraged to feel accepted in her exploration of her identity, even if it seems young to be exploring such just yet. Better than she feels that she has to hide and explore in secret. To keep from you what she might be doing. You, as a parent, can't protect her from what you don't know about.

It's a fine line between support, protection and control and walking that line is in no ways easy.

I get that alot of people here have misgivings about anything that might encourage your daughter to consider transistion so early, things can lead in that direction and I think many agree that there is an age at which, it's too soon and and it can be difficult to counsel patience to the young.

But from what you have said, your daughter doesn't want to transition but wants to be a drag queen and in my book, the two are distinctly different, although one can lead into the other, ofc.

So I will say this, I would not seek to discourage your son/daughter (because it's kinda ambiguous on this front) I'd continue to be supportive in so far as letting her know, that it's good and ok to have that interest and aspiration, but to also gently remind her, that she has alot of time. She doesn't have to do it all now and the truelly best drag queens, start out young, refine their craft, their style and image, that patience is her best ally and friend and that, while she may not be the drag queen she wants to be right now but given time, she will be the person she wants and needs to be.

If there are local youth orientated drag events (is there such a thing?) in your area, or even on a national level, I would encourage her to explore her options in those places, but be ever present and mindful of the dangers you yourself experienced. Be there, a protective support, not restrictive, but not so hands off that trouble might come her way. I would say, to avoid too much overtly adult influence, especially without your supervision. She needs room to explore herself but also, to be a child. It's good for children to socialise with adults to some degree, but it can be a negative experience to rush them through childhood to soon or too quickly, to expose them to adult ideas and concepts, before they've had time to absorb and learn from youthful ones first.

So long as you are letting her know, that she is ok to explore her identity and her interest in drag, instill in her a sense of patience, that she doesn't have to be that person she visualises, right now and to give herself room to grow, to change her mind or direction. You should be able to support her, as much as any parent is able.

I have no doubt you are mindful and place great importance on your daughters safety and well being. So I hope that you don't feel like I'm implying otherwise with any of the above. Those are important and should a conflict arise, in which you are faced with the dilemma of supporting your daughter in what she wants and doing what you feel you need to do to protect her, I'd say heir with the side of caution and choose to protect her. She might resent you for it, but it's for her own good and hopefully, one day she might understand that. Doing it in a way that retains her trust and respect is not easy and you'll have to feel your way through that one, sadly.
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Re: How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 October 2018, 21:29

Katie Couric did a documentary on transgender identities. I found it quite informative and perhaps the OP and others will too. It was available on National Geographic TV but here is an article about it.



IMO it's one thing to allow your child to express itself appropriately, but far another to consider exposing your 10 yo unnecessarily to pedophiles running around on YouTube - that could/should land you in jail.
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Re: How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 October 2018, 21:30

lightnight wrote:...I don't even think that a ten year old should identify as trans ...


I watched the documentary noted above. Before I thought the same. After I thought differently. It's really a good watch.
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Re: How do I help my child be the drag queen they want to be?

Unread postby lufia » 20 March 2020, 04:21

I have noticed a couple of guys who have been very negative about the fact that this child has transitioned at a young age. I am trans myself, and my life would have been much different if I had support from my family. I was forced to be a masculine male by my family and still live as a man at 38 years old. I have abused drugs, been homeless and considered suicide at various times throughout my life. I wish I had a mother that supported me like that. I also have a friend with a trans son. He is 19, and I have known since the day he was born. He knew he was a boy from the beginning. He refused to wear dresses as young as five years old, and begged his mom to cut his hair. He got a job cutting lawns at 14, and promptly got his head shaved. His parents gave in and started him on hormones at 15. He still has his issues that he is working through, but he is definitely much happier since the transition. There is no question about that.
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