How do you trust again?

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How do you trust again?

Unread postby argirismal » 28 December 2019, 20:47

Hey people, I'm Argie, writing from Greece and i'm almost 26 years old.
3 months ago, i met a guy named Paul, he's just 23 years old. He's a nice guy, and our childhood is very similar.
Both of us two, were working seasonal in two different islands. but after our job's end, we somehow met by Planet Romeo.
In the first, everything seems that it was a sex date, not at all. Somehow we both fall in love SO fast. We let sex aside and we focused our
getting to know each other.

About me, I am a very weird person in life, mostly all of my relationship were kinda "Not what I expected".
So it's been hard for me to lay my trust on people. Last relationship was back in 2015, Until i met the person i am with.

I remember the first date with him, we went for a walk in the center of Athens, there's a huge railway, with a nice bridge that you
can see the trains passing by. That's the place that we kiss for the first time, it was like a spark for me. (I know i am tragicly romantic haha)

He is living 333km away, but we used to meet each other for 10 days or so, he comes to my house or i go to his place.
We spend quality time together and we have many things in common. Anyway, he had a part time job in his town just for the expenses, he wants to move in my town, which its his dream, and specifically, he asked me many times to live together, which i was so excited for it.

Few weeks ago, I decited so rushinally (Which is a part of myself, I don't think, i Act), i took my motobike and i went to his city to surprise him and give him our little bear, which is a small octopus in case. He was so excited, me too, Until i found out that he expressed his feeling to his ex-boyfriend, twice. I was so Angry, but more, sad. I felt like i spend my energy for nothing. By the 4 hours trip with the Bike, i had to face cold, bad weather, and sometimes fog. But if somethings describes me, it's that I do whatever i say, or I feel.

We had a bad moment there, that errupt my trust, and made me act like i am not myself. I wont go in more details. There was a phase that he said, "I didn't know how much i Love you until now", it broke me. But since then, i can't feel that my trust on him is the same, because he might hiding things from me.

The only thing that I know is, with these 333km of distance, if he don't feel anything for me, or whatever, why would he stay with me?
I wanted to share this, perhaps someone of you have had a similar story or so. I know that he loves me, and i love him too. All i want is to fix this corrupted trust, and be happy with him, because since then, we used to have "fights" or so.
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby argirismal » 28 December 2019, 21:02

Plus, 2-3 weeks ago, i had an car accident, that took me to the hospital, he didn't even manage to meet me. He said that they didn't give a day off by his work, but by myside, he could at least call-in sick or somthing like that
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 28 December 2019, 21:12

From the perspective of someone on the other side of the equation, my last serious relationship was around 2 years. It didn’t end because we stopped loving each other, it ended because life was moving us apart and I was struggling with personal issues. We occasionally connect and catch up with each other and I will always care for him. More than that, I genuinely think I will always love him. I don’t think it’s something you can really fall all the way out of, but I don’t feel like I love him any less than I ever did. But we’ve both moved on with our lives. My feelings don’t mean we are gonna get back together, they just mean I’ll always care how he’s doing. I’ll always be happy for him that he’s happy. He’s moved on with someone new and I’m fine with it, because he’s happy. I don’t think I would ever lie to him and deny still having feelings if it came up, and I don’t think me saying so would affect anything either way, he gets me. My feelings for him don’t get in the way of me developing feelings for someone else.

Relationships end, but they don’t always end with a crash and lots of people romantically split and continue to care deeply for each other. The other person was a huge and important part of their life. It doesn’t have any impact on how important a part of their life you are. Don’t be so possessive and try to be less insecure, they’re both forces that aren’t going to have a positive impact whatsoever on a relationship you’re looking to make work. Be an adult, have a conversation with the person you love and be honest and trust that they’re being honest with you.
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby argirismal » 28 December 2019, 21:27

For example, by now he is still working, he got a bad job, because its holidays and he is working many hours, so i can understand the pressure. By my side, i am home, with a leg that had surgery, and i stopped working which caused me to stay home, and made me overthink. I understand the reasons he gets upset sometimes. I'd say that, if he wouldn't like to be with me, especially with that distance in between, he could already end it. But since my accident, i started thinking that, he might not doing that because he feels pitty on me.
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby Brasileiro » 29 December 2019, 10:29

First: If people do not tell you everything, they are not hiding things from you. It is impossible and totally unnecessary to tell eachother about every little thing you feel or do.
Also,if they are actively hiding something, it is because they know exactly how the other will react and they just do not want the fuss over nothing.
His feelings are his feelings, just like yours are yours and there is no way you can control them. I bet he can not even control them.
So, if he expresses feelings for an ex, so be it, it has no meaning. What he does with the feelings is the only thing that counts. Does he get back with his ex? Does he want to? If not, what is the problem?
I have a deep love for someone who is not my boyfriend. My boyfriend knows. It does not bother us, because I SHOW him my love to him. And we are more apart than together because I travel a lot. We have split up, but got back together. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be.
And you know what , if he would gou out with someone else it would not even bother me. I am not his master. He can do as he pleases, he has to live with the consequences. that could be guilt or a break up. And you know what, he is not risking that. And neither am I.
You have to let go of the idea that just because you love eachother, you can control the other. You have no control over his feelings or what he does. Loving is giving eachother atention and caring for eachother because you want to, not because you have to.
Do not spend time thinking about what he might think of you because there is no way of knowing and it is just driving you crazy and does not give him a fair chance. Send him a nice message before you go to sleep.

And if you feel he does not care about you enough, because he did not come to the hospital and you can only think about him in a negative way. Well, break up.
If you do not break up, than accept his flaws.
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby Frigid » 29 December 2019, 13:33

What do you expect of him to restore your trust?
What's sex?
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 29 December 2019, 13:34

Frigid wrote:What do you expect of him to restore your trust?

Hi :3
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby argirismal » 29 December 2019, 13:43

Frigid wrote:What do you expect of him to restore your trust?

Honesty i suppose, like what we all seek right?
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby Frigid » 29 December 2019, 13:49

Marmaduke wrote:
Frigid wrote:What do you expect of him to restore your trust?

Hi :3

Hello treacle.

argirismal wrote:
Frigid wrote:What do you expect of him to restore your trust?

Honesty i suppose, like what we all seek right?

What would that be for you and how do you want him to achieve it? Is it realistic?
What's sex?
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby argirismal » 29 December 2019, 17:24

Well i'd prefer to "know" things by him, and then i would consider of what happent more warmly and surely i would understand, than know things by a third person or so which in case is definately a red flag. I don't know it's how i see it. Since that bad moment, he said he will be more honest etc.. but he hide another situation few days ago that then again i found it out. He's excuse was like "i didn't want to get you mad", but hiding something? turned me angry because i thought he would be cool
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby JoelR » 30 December 2019, 01:59

1. Have you asked how HE feels about you?

2. Have you shared how you FEEL when he doesn't fully share everything with you?

3. What will you do if he doesn't tell you 'the truth'?
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby argirismal » 30 December 2019, 10:02

1-2. yeah, 3) I guess there's no room for "fairytales" in my life, but who knows, sometimes you will never learn the trust right?
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby argirismal » 30 December 2019, 10:18

A true fact is, that i am aware that i have become obsessive, which is totally toxic, I know, but i don't know why. I mean, i don't wanna harm my relationship, no way, these behaviors are pushing your person away, everyone knows. That's what i should fix
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Re: How do you trust again?

Unread postby Brasileiro » 30 December 2019, 15:50

Does he know you talk about him here?
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