How to avoid jealousy?

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How to avoid jealousy?

Unread postby willyd91 » 7 December 2020, 22:32

My boyfriend and I were dating for six years. We broke up a few times for this reason, or that reason, but we've always come back together stronger than before. He says that I need to work on not being so jealous of people. I can understand that in some cases, however, this last time that we broke up, he actually tried to move on and have another relationship with someone who apparently lives two hours away. He says that they kissed and actually tried to have sex but it didn't feel right between them. They decided to remain friends and my boyfriend made it clear to me that he wants to remain friends with him although we're back together. My first instinct tells me that the only reason they want to be friends is because my boyfriend wants a secret "side-hoe" that he can fuck around with. This makes me want to get a "friend" just so that I too can have what he has. I usually take things too far though and I'm sure I won't be able to keep it as just friends. I'm trying to find a way to look past this and just have him in my life, but this seems really big for me. Any advice?
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Re: How to avoid jealousy?

Unread postby René » 7 December 2020, 22:36

Trust is a prerequisite for any successful long-term relationship.
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Re: How to avoid jealousy?

Unread postby Eryx » 10 December 2020, 01:12

Getting a side-hoe yourself won't help, especially if you're overthinking things and the dude really is a friend. I'd suggest you get to know the guy and find out if he's uncomfortable or evasive around you. If he's just nice, then maybe you can also be friends with him and you wouldn't have to worry about him spending time with your boyfriend. If he's dodgy, then maybe you can be a little more jealous and confront your partner about it.

Either way, the fact that you've broken up multiple times and that he was actively seeking a different relationship tells me there's probably a lot of baggage there, and maybe it's a better option to just accept that it won't be what it once was again and move on. Trying to resuscitate a broken relationship almost never works.
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Re: How to avoid jealousy?

Unread postby rogonandi » 11 December 2020, 07:42

Your boyfriend wouldn’t have gotten back with you if things worked out with this other guy he was with. Why would he want to be with this guy now?

You’re over-thinking things. Stop it or you’ll end up wrecking what you have now.
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