How to talk to my older bf about our lack of sex

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How to talk to my older bf about our lack of sex

Unread postby DavidCoppaFeel » 12 February 2022, 12:22

So I'm a 22 yr old gay guy and my boyfriend is 64. And before anyone ask no it's not a sugar daddy situation or anything like that. We've been together for 2 and a half years. I live with him and most things in our relationship is great. But he won't touch me. At first i thought maybe he's just not horny but he'll watch hours of porn and j/o by himself. When I'd ask to do "it" he always has an excuse. We've stopped having three ways because most times It would end in a fight after the person left. I've tried everything I could think of from dropping hints to straight out asking him if we could fuck it at least j/o with eachother it'd always be he's not in the mood or something. I've even sat with him and picked out toys so if he can't get it up we could use those instead. We've never used them together just us two. The first day I had got them we had this guy over and he used them on him first. I bought them but didn't get to use them first?. Anyway everytime i try to bring up the lack of sex he gets defensive and tries to blame it all on me this and that. I want to talk to him about sexually opening up our relationship but idk how to do that. We care for eachother alot ik we do. But i just don't know what to do. I'm afraid if i try to bring it up he'll get pissed and break up with me and kick me back out on the street even though he said he wouldn't ever do that even if we were broken up. Idk what to do any advice would be welcome.
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Re: How to talk to my older bf about our lack of sex

Unread postby pozzie » 12 February 2022, 21:19

Welcome to the forum!

Of course my first thought after reading about the age difference is the general difference in libido between a 20 year old and and 60 year old guy. I'm something like that latter, but the specifics don't matter. For me, once a week is usually fine and rarely more than twice, but that doesn't seem to be the issue you are facing if he's watching porn and beating off regularly.

There isn't really anything you can do to change his behavior for him. How long was he single before you met? I've been single and not dating for so long, I'm not sure how I'd react if a man was actually available to me. I know that sounds strange, but after a couple decades of being used to something, it can be hard to change. Also, the older we get the more we like to have things the way we are used to them. That doesn't answer the questions you've posed, but maybe provides a tad bit of insight.

Really the only thing for it is to talk about it. Maybe focusing on his needs would be a better way to have a discussion? Rather than focusing on your side - I'm young and horny, I love you, I'd like to be having a lot more sex - maybe try to get him to open up about what he wants from sex in a more general sense. Who knows, maybe the fapping is more reflexive than a desire to get off or something. It's really hard to read that without knowing what he's thinking and feeling.

These sort of conversations are never easy: you've written as much. It's probably best to try to discuss such things when you're both relatively happy, in good moods, and feeling particularly close and connected. Bringing it up at other times can lead to defensiveness and terrible fights, but I promise, even the most difficult conversations can be held if done right. There is no do this and you're guaranteed success. Every situation is unique and part of life experience is learning how to surf that and all the various relationships we have.

I realize that's probably nowhere near as helpful as you hoped, but it's the best advice I have to offer given the information I've got and honestly, not sure any amount of posting about the situation would change that. I do hope you can find the confidence and love to have this discussion successfully with your partner. Good luck! :)
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Re: How to talk to my older bf about our lack of sex

Unread postby Demi-79 » 16 April 2022, 16:03

You have to be direct I have felt with this a lot of times Started as great sex a few times a week then a month then every other month. Part of the problem is I was sucking him off too much so sex turned into me sucking him off. Then getting him a drink then making his dinner and maybe sucking him off before bed So he kinda got lazy really. I confronted him about it and it did not go well But I kinda attacked him a bit and tops don’t like that at all. They need to feel that they are always the big dick sex god you dream of so maybe find a different way to to go about it
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Re: How to talk to my older bf about our lack of sex

Unread postby Frankostwald » 21 April 2022, 20:09

Great post. Am learning 😁
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Re: How to talk to my older bf about our lack of sex

Unread postby Frankostwald » 21 April 2022, 20:09

Great post. Am learning 😁
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Re: How to talk to my older bf about our lack of sex

Unread postby EthanSummers » 16 May 2022, 01:41

I'm curious if you had more sex earlier in your relationship or if it's always been this way? I don't want to be rude but when you mentioned that age difference my first thought was performance issues. ED is super common for older guys and the anxiety it creates can make it even harder to perform. If he's reacting defensively it might be beasue he's worried that he won't be able to get it up and keep it up. There's no easy way to bring it up but there are solutions if he's able to be open about it.
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