Husband cheating with babysitter

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Husband cheating with babysitter

Unread postby mygayfamily » 28 August 2020, 18:04

hi All

I needed t find people to talk to about this. the story is long so I will not go through all the details now, butif this conversation opens up I would love to discuss more with someone. i came here because I feel that Gay relationships have this unique feel and I am not fully comfortable, nor do I think that hetero couples rrespond in a way that makes sense to my relationship

we opened up our relationship a few years back but we always played together, never separate. We started adding the guy who babysits for us (I have a small son we adopted but that isn't the discussion here) a few years back but my husband and I had several issues since and it became he and the babysitter, lets call him R, fooling around all the time and I not being involved. At first this seemed fun. i am a voyeur and enjoyed watching but it evolved into only sex between those two and I was the "tag along" so to speak. My husband is a good top and this guy was the perfect fit for him. The deeper it got, the less that I was included, created tension and eventually i got mad and pushed against it and eventually tried to stop it.

The threesomes stopped but i found out they were still exchanging naughty messages and pictures. Fights occurred between he and I and R and I and the "agreement" was that if we all were not ok with it, then it couldn't happen. R claimed he was ok with this but kept pushing my husband to engage more and he would often play along and keep it secret. Now is where I am really getting hurt. More confrontations and more fighting and I was told it would stop. Well, it hasn't. this AM i figured out they face-timed each other.

The main issue is this, I could stop R from coming by but I am forced to see him weekly. Forced isnt the right word I guess but what I mean is that my son really loves this guy. He has become so close to my boy and my son absolutely adores him. If I say R cannot come by and see my son anymore (he comes to play with him once a week) it will break his heart but seeing this guy and knowing what is going on is tearing me aprt. I need advice or discussion at least. I cant tell anyone I know because I am so embarrassed so not only am I depressed about this but I have no one to talk to
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Re: Husband cheating with babysitter

Unread postby Jzone » 28 August 2020, 18:50

Well this sucks the green weenie, as a friend of mine likes to say.

Your issue is more with your husband, reestablishing boundaries and trust. If you can't do that together you have bigger problems than the sitter. You need your husband to know that you have to come first and the situation is not working for you as is. You can certainly insist on stopping the play dates with R (for both your son and your husband) for a week or two at least while you sort things out. Marriage should mean something.
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Re: Husband cheating with babysitter

Unread postby mygayfamily » 28 August 2020, 18:58

The part that makes me so mad is that I know you are right. I am not brave enough nor do I have the emotional strength for this. It feeds this horribly dark hopeless pathetic lonely and depressed side of me.
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Re: Husband cheating with babysitter

Unread postby Jzone » 28 August 2020, 20:24

I think at some point you have to ask yourself which is worse; continuing to live with the problem or confronting your husband. Something has to give, and you don't want to get to the point where you snap and say or do something you regret.
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Re: Husband cheating with babysitter

Unread postby Jasper1 » 28 August 2020, 22:46

You need to separate yourself and your husband from the babysitter for your own sanity. Your son has you and your husband so I’m sure he’ll be fine and adjust without the babysitter.

The important thing is your marriage so remove the elements that is making you unhappy so you can focus on your family without the distractions.

I’m not sure your reasoning for keeping the babysitter around when it’s making you unhappy is right, albeit with good intentions.
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Re: Husband cheating with babysitter

Unread postby Eryx » 31 August 2020, 21:16

Wow this sucks so bad. I'm sorry you're going through these shitty situations. I honestly don't know what I would do.
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