I don't know how to feel?

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I don't know how to feel?

Unread postby Antoinewan » 9 February 2020, 11:32

Hi guys,

So to keep it brief, I'm in my early twenties and I've been in a relationship for 4 years now. A year into the relationship he told me he had been sleeping about which I was able to get over. Then finally a year later I found out I had HIV and it turns out he wasn't using condoms with the other guys. Once again we've been able to get through this and now everything is perfect.

Apart from me...

I do love this man, and i have fully forgiven him for everything but I can't help but feel like I have been cheated out of a massive part of my life. If we ever split up, I'm left with this stigma and my sex life will never be the same. When we're together everything is fine, and most of the time when were apart, everything is fine, but sometimes it gets a bit much. I'm still young and I want to have fun and enjoy my youth but I feel like I've been trapped ever since I found out.

Just to make it clear, it's not so much the sex I miss, it's about having the freedom to do that if I want. To be able to go out and hook up with guys if I want to and no worry about everything.

I've been feeling like this for a while now, it comes and goes but it isn't a nice experience. Anyone been in a similar situation?

Feel free to message me or whatever, just kinda feel like I need someone to talk through this with.

Not so brief in the end,
A
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Re: I don't know how to feel?

Unread postby Eryx » 10 February 2020, 14:16

If you ever do break up, as long as you're undetectable and wearing condoms, you don't have to tell every single guy that you have it. You're not able to transmit it when you're taking your meds correctly and it's fine to fool around. I think the biggest problem would be to come forward if you fall in love again, but even then, if that's a deal breaker for the other guy, he's probably not worth your time anyway.

I'm sorry you're going through this!
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Re: I don't know how to feel?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 10 February 2020, 19:38

Eryx wrote:If you ever do break up, as long as you're undetectable and wearing condoms, you don't have to tell every single guy that you have it. You're not able to transmit it when you're taking your meds correctly and it's fine to fool around. I think the biggest problem would be to come forward if you fall in love again, but even then, if that's a deal breaker for the other guy, he's probably not worth your time anyway.

I'm sorry you're going through this!


I'd disagree with that strongly. I'm also assuming that your referring to you get to the point where your going to have sex with that person. In that case you have every obligation in the world to inform the other party as to the circumstances. :nono: You don't remove that choice from the other party.
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Re: I don't know how to feel?

Unread postby Eryx » 11 February 2020, 12:37

I think it's more impactful to hide that you have the flu than that you have a controlled condition. It's almost like having sex with someone and telling them you have high blood pressure first... Realistically speaking, of course. I know the stigma probably makes people feel differently, but it's just the way it is :shrug:
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Re: I don't know how to feel?

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 12 February 2020, 05:43

Eryx wrote:I think it's more impactful to hide that you have the flu than that you have a controlled condition. It's almost like having sex with someone and telling them you have high blood pressure first... Realistically speaking, of course. I know the stigma probably makes people feel differently, but it's just the way it is :shrug:

While it is beyond unfortunate that OP is living with this, you cannot hide something like this from prospective sexual partners. There really is no grey area on this one.
OP is being responsible by taking meds and looking after his health, which is commendable and the right thing to do, but it is now a part of who he is.
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Re: I don't know how to feel?

Unread postby Dash Rainbow » 15 February 2020, 15:55

Antoinewan wrote:Feel free to message me or whatever, just kinda feel like I need someone to talk through this with.

It's not as bad as it looks. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you need to enjoy life. Take proper treatment and monitor your health. And you will definitely find someone for whom this will not be a problem.
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Re: I don't know how to feel?

Unread postby Revontulet » 17 February 2020, 01:52

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”
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