I don’t know why I feel like this? I still Love him so much

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I don’t know why I feel like this? I still Love him so much

Unread postby PQRST » 23 October 2021, 13:57

So I met this guy through a dating App and we connected, we spoke for like 3 months before meeting and during those 3 months they were amazing! He’d be the one I call and look forward to calling, everytime he called I’d get excited and we’d speak for hours. We mustered up the time and courage to meet and when we did, it was magical, he was cute, we spoke and kissed and it was amazing, I’m 22 and he’s 19, I get it’s a bit of a gap but he was mature for his age. We spoke about him exploring his sexuality and how I’d be the first guy and he would tell me that I’ve changed him for the better, we discusses taking things slow for him and we were happy about it.

Here’s the downfall.

After 2/3 meets he said he kept feeling guilty about this and his sexuality and he couldn’t keep it up and wanted to remain friends until he could figure himself out, I was more than happy to do this for him but deep down my whole world came crashing, but I didn’t show it, after a few weeks went by I asked him whether we would be anything more than friends and he said no.
But I still keep meeting with him and hanging out with him, I have all this love, I still message him asking how he is, I help him out as and when, I give him advice, heck I even helped him get a job! I get him coffee and all sorts!

He always hangs out with his friends and new set of friends recently, he told me about this friend and how he’s at his and chilling with him and how this friend and his girlfriend are expecting a baby etc, I was cool with this.

It was my birthday not long ago and I decided to look this new friend up and who he is, turns out this new friend is gay… and he’s been hanging out with him hell of a lot more, and genuinely I have never ever felt so shit it’s unreal. I really love this guy, and I’m never the type of person that jumps to conclusion, but why did he say this guy has a girlfriend and a kid on the way, his profile is overly feminine and he states he is gay on it.

The guy I’m in love with messaged me a “happy birthday” via snap and that was it, but 2 months ago he was planning days out for it and presents. Today he’s going out with that guy because it’s his birthday.

Do I have the right to be hurt? This is my first love, how do I stop this. I cant stop messaging him to check on him, I really wanna keep hanging out with him.
I haven’t spoken to anyone about this because I’m in the closet, im comfortable with my sexuality just not out. Please help.
PQRST
 
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Re: I don’t know why I feel like this? I still Love him so much

Unread postby PopTart » 23 October 2021, 15:34

It's horrible when something that feels so good and seems so special, is cut short so soon after it began.

You could spend a lifetime wondering why this is happening, what the guy you love might be thinking, feeling etc. You could ask him ofcourse. But the truth is, that it doesn't really matter in the end. Even though that might not make much sense to you right now.

What matters is that you are there and he isn't.

You need to move on. Stop messaging him. Walk away. It's going to be painful, it's going to hurt. But you will move past that pain and eventually you'll come out the other side, ready to try again.

Don't subject yourself to more hardship, by sticking around, hoping that things aren't the way they are.
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Re: I don’t know why I feel like this? I still Love him so much

Unread postby PQRST » 23 October 2021, 19:15

So true, something so short felt so good, I guess what bothers me the most was how he found it so easy to go from love dovey to talking about the future and planning presents and days out to just me bothering him on iMessage and saying “whats up”.

And the fact he may potentially be hooking up with another guy.

I need to stop clinging on to hope of it happening

I’m going to struggle but I will try and put that focus in to bettering myself.

PopTart wrote:It's horrible when something that feels so good and seems so special, is cut short so soon after it began.

You could spend a lifetime wondering why this is happening, what the guy you love might be thinking, feeling etc. You could ask him ofcourse. But the truth is, that it doesn't really matter in the end. Even though that might not make much sense to you right now.

What matters is that you are there and he isn't.

You need to move on. Stop messaging him. Walk away. It's going to be painful, it's going to hurt. But you will move past that pain and eventually you'll come out the other side, ready to try again.

Don't subject yourself to more hardship, by sticking around, hoping that things aren't the way they are.
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Re: I don’t know why I feel like this? I still Love him so much

Unread postby PopTart » 29 October 2021, 01:15

I think your making the right decision. Hope can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a source of hurt when maintained under the wrong circumstances.

Good luck and do what you can to stay positive.
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