I dont know what to do :D

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I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby PeterTheGreat » 15 December 2020, 08:43

I am new here so hi all.

First of all i am sorry for my English. Not using it very often.

The story is crazy, and i can’t stand it anymore. I live in Eastern Europe country (Ukraine) , and as you know, homophobia and auto-homophobia are very common here. So the story goes like this:
I had a vibe for a guy for more then 10 years, i saw him like he is something special (even if he is not so attractive and beautiful, it was just like…. special). I thought he was straight, he had girlfriends and so on. We know each other over local net Facebook pages (we live in small town), and we should’ve seen each other on a drink for many years. I refused because i thought he was straight, and was afraid i will fall in love with a str8 guy. But before year and a half, because both of us are social justice warriors, we had some issue to deal with and we need to do something for local community. So i accepted to see him. I can’t say it was a love on a first sight, first time I saw him i was like “you are uglier then on pictures “. But the thing i saw was shine in his eyes. Nevertheless we done what we had to do, and he was keep calling me on a drink. And he was very warm to me. The moment i started to realize he is not str8 was when we were on swimming pool and he placed his towel extremely near mine (even it was room for it). In the water he was crossing my personal space, came near me in the water which was strange for a str8 person to do. He was on vacation with his girlfriend and was texting me, he used to text me in 2 in the morning. Once his “friend” came (i realized he is gay). I was like they are together, but didn’t ask anything. The problem was that i was falling in love with him. He broke up with his girlfriend and he called me to see me on same days. We were going to his village (cause i know to drive, he doesn’t, even if i am 9 years younger). I wasn’t sure about anything, that he is gay, i just was very suspicious. Moment that changed everything was when he was feeding me (Literally, like a little baby) with some fruits. I was like….ok everything but this is too much for str8 person to do with his friend. I remember standing at night on a open field because we were walking, and he was searching for something. i was watching in a distance and was overflowed with emotions. Chemistry. I felt he was standing behind me, at some distance but I felt that energy.
After 2 weeks (again with everyday seeing each other) i got some courage and i outed myself. He was like ok i have nothing against. I told him that i am very suspicious about him and his friend. of course he denied it. I told him that things he was doing to me, shine in his eyes are not something you do with your friend. The thing i saw on his face that night that he was very afraid. He didn’t tell me that night that he is gay. He done it via SMS tomorrow (i couldn’t sleep that night, in the morning he asked me how i am, and that is nothing that i should be afraid of). He outed himself in the night. Told me that everything is true, that he has a relationship with his “friend”, but that he doesn’t feel anything to me. He told me that his bf broke up with him years ago, and that they started dating again in a period when we were hanging out. But this is not end of story. I didn’t tell him that i fell in love. He insisted to tell him a truth. I refused for 3 days, and after a lot of arguing i told him a truth. Big mistake. I told him i need a time to cool off, he accepted. And yes, idiot asked me after 4 days did i get cooled off. i was pissed. for three and fou r days i was writing him a songs , he was just smiling . then I told him i can’t communicate with him anymore. He didn’t response to that. But i called him after a week. He was broken down. He told me that i am not a human, that he is not from stone etc, that i shouldn’t do that. I insisted that he block me, because i couldn’t. He was threatening for a hour that he will block me, but at the end he told me “I can’t”. And he was repeating me that he is in love with his boyfriend. He was insisting that three of us should meet. I was like hell no. He was so insisting and insisting and i was like ok….lets finish that. Same shine in his eyes. i felt that his boyfriend was in very unpleasant situation. I behave decently. After that everything starting to change. he was starting to move away from me. He was very cold. When i asked him to go to drink he didn’t want. I was broken but i was ok with that. He doesn’t like me. Parallel with that i started a psychotherapy (Because of some childhood traumas, not because of him. I started taking a medicines antiaxiotic, antidepresives etc.) medicines stabilized my emotions. And i was dealing with refusing very well.
But the devil doesn’t sleep. We didn’t hear each other for a year. But Facebook comments are pure gold. He is commenting my statuses periodically (two months approximately). To be honest when he does it i do it also. During a summer i asked him to go to have a drink. He told me no and i said ok. After two hours i got an essay with excuses why he can’t. During a summer he was commenting every my status, and my friend told me….Ok he is getting too close, u suffered, be aware. I cooled it off.
I stopped taking a medicaments and i realized i didn’t get over him. The psychotherapist told me what i should expect from man I haven’t see for a year. Maybe he was commenting because he was bored. U can’t get in his head. A month ago, he said that he was following me in some students group, (he deleted a comment but i saw it). I accepted that he is doing this because he is bored. I am trying to move on. But yesterday i was pissed of. I asked on Facebook for a printer (in 10 PM) because i need to print my CV urgently. And guess what. He told me. “i don’t have a printer but i can call a friend who is owner of printing house, to open it and you can print”. I said no thx, i manage it on the other way. It is simple not normal, we don’t have even a friendly relationship for a year. We don’t communicate except Facebook comments, and he wanted to do me a such favor to ask someone for favor because of what???
I need him out of my head. I am trying very hard to get him out of my head. But when he do something like that… I cant block him. He didn’t do anything wrong to me (except emotional manipulation). When we were hanging out i was overweight. Today it is not a perfect situation but i lost a lot of weight.(
thyroid problems). I guess it was a factor of refusing. Don’t know.
Or i don’t know. Should i fight for him?
Some advice guys, pls :D
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 09:02

You should not fight for him. You made your feelings clear, he made it clear that he doesn’t see you that way and isn’t interested. You have to accept that.

It’s probably for the best that you block him. Regardless of whether or not he did anything wrong, and it does seem that he didn’t, you’re obsessively trying to rationalise how he might still fall in love with you. It’s not healthy.

Don’t write him anymore songs, just block him and move on. Tell him you’re gonna do it and why if it helps you find some closure. But do it.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 09:24

On a related note, this thread has inspired me to write me own love song. It’s tentatively titled “Shiny Eyes”
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby PeterTheGreat » 15 December 2020, 09:42

well i passed near him and didn't see him, he make such a drama because of it. I can just imagine drama if i block him. And i simple dont need that.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 09:46

Yeah, because the drama of wasting further years pining after an apparently ugly, if pleasantly shiny-eyed man who isn’t interested in you is definitely the way to go.

The point is blocking him is that he’s out of your life, rendering the subsequent drama all-but inconsequential. Find a new man to love. Plenty of guys have shiny eyes.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 09:55

I have taken the Liberty of drafting the below correspondance to your beloved, who I will assume is named Boris;

Дорогий Борисе,

Я тебе люблю. Я завжди буду тебе кохати. У вас найблискучіші очі. Але ти не любиш мене. Ви ніколи не полюбите мене.

Я стала незадоволеною нещасним характером нашого кохання. Мені потрібно рухатися далі. Щоб мати змогу це зробити, ти вже не можеш бути частиною мого життя.

Прийміть це як письмове повідомлення про мій намір припинити цю дружбу, яке набирає чинності негайно.

Бажаю тобі всього найкращого. Сподіваюся, ви бажаєте того самого для мене. Трохи пощастивши, я знайду когось із блискучими очима, хто любить мене так, як ти ніколи не міг.

Петро


You’re welcome.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 09:56

I have taken the Liberty of drafting the below correspondance to your beloved, who I will assume is named Boris;

Дорогий Борисе,

Я тебе люблю. Я завжди буду тебе кохати. У вас найблискучіші очі. Але ти не любиш мене. Ви ніколи не полюбите мене.

Я стала незадоволеною нещасним характером нашого кохання. Мені потрібно рухатися далі. Щоб мати змогу це зробити, ти вже не можеш бути частиною мого життя.

Прийміть це як письмове повідомлення про мій намір припинити цю дружбу, яке набирає чинності негайно.

Бажаю тобі всього найкращого. Сподіваюся, ви бажаєте того самого для мене. Трохи пощастивши, я знайду когось із блискучими очима, хто любить мене так, як ти ніколи не міг.

Петро


You’re welcome.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 09:59

In order to ease your cutting the shiny-eyed love of your life off at the knees, I have drafted the below, which I would suggest you hand-write in his Christmas card this year;

Дорогий Борисе,

Я тебе люблю. Я завжди буду тебе кохати. У вас найблискучіші очі. Але ти не любиш мене. Ви ніколи не полюбите мене.

Я стала незадоволеною нещасним характером нашого кохання. Мені потрібно рухатися далі. Щоб мати змогу це зробити, ти вже не можеш бути частиною мого життя.

Прийміть це як письмове повідомлення про мій намір припинити цю дружбу, яке набирає чинності негайно.

Бажаю тобі всього найкращого. Сподіваюся, ви бажаєте того самого для мене. Трохи пощастивши, я знайду когось із блискучими очима, хто любить мене так, як ти ніколи не міг.

Петро
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 09:59

In order to ease your cutting the shiny-eyed love of your life off at the knees, I have drafted the below, which I would suggest you hand-write in his Christmas card this year;

Дорогий Борисе,

Я тебе люблю. Я завжди буду тебе кохати. У вас найблискучіші очі. Але ти не любиш мене. Ви ніколи не полюбите мене.

Я стала незадоволеною нещасним характером нашого кохання. Мені потрібно рухатися далі. Щоб мати змогу це зробити, ти вже не можеш бути частиною мого життя.

Прийміть це як письмове повідомлення про мій намір припинити цю дружбу, яке набирає чинності негайно.

Бажаю тобі всього найкращого. Сподіваюся, ви бажаєте того самого для мене. Трохи пощастивши, я знайду когось із блискучими очима, хто любить мене так, як ти ніколи не міг.

Петро
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 10:00

Sorry Peter, I tried to draft you a lovely break-up letter. However, whilst the forum will let me preview a post in Ukrainian, it doesn’t seem to want to let me post it.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 10:00

Дорогий Борисе,

Я тебе люблю. Я завжди буду тебе кохати. У вас найблискучіші очі. Але ти не любиш мене. Ви ніколи не полюбите мене.

Я стала незадоволеною нещасним характером нашого кохання. Мені потрібно рухатися далі. Щоб мати змогу це зробити, ти вже не можеш бути частиною мого життя.

Прийміть це як письмове повідомлення про мій намір припинити цю дружбу, яке набирає чинності негайно.

Бажаю тобі всього найкращого. Сподіваюся, ви бажаєте того самого для мене. Трохи пощастивши, я знайду когось із блискучими очима, хто любить мене так, як ти ніколи не міг.

Петро
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby PeterTheGreat » 15 December 2020, 10:57

i have nothing to brake, thats the irony :D I dont have even a kiss to remember, except baby like feeding from 37 years old man :D
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Eryx » 15 December 2020, 12:43

An effective block diverts any kind of drama that might happen, because if it's really done well he'll have absolutely no way to talk to you again. That's what I'd do, even if just while you heal. He might even have some feelings for you, but they're not strong enough for him to abandon his previous relationships, so it's probably best if you continue trying to move on.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby PeterTheGreat » 15 December 2020, 18:14

Blocking is not an option. Soon i will be in a position to see him daily (I got a new job, and he is working there). Unfortunately i will have to find a way without doing it.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Brenden » 15 December 2020, 19:38

Marmaduke wrote:Sorry Peter, I tried to draft you a lovely break-up letter. However, whilst the forum will let me preview a post in Ukrainian, it doesn’t seem to want to let me post it.

Cyrillic script in posts sends them to the mod approval queue, due to the large amount of Russian spam we get.

I’ve approved your original post.
Disclaimer: All views expressed in my posts are my own and do not reflect the views of this forum except when otherwise stated or this signature is not present.

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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby René » 15 December 2020, 19:48

Brenden wrote:I’ve approved your original post.

And the next 4 for good measure, I see! :P
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 19:58

Well at least now I know to keep it in English and not just confusedly resubmit the same post over and over whilst wondering what was going on.
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby René » 15 December 2020, 19:59

Marmaduke wrote:Well at least now I know to keep it in English and not just confusedly resubmit the same post over and over whilst wondering what was going on.

Or maybe I'll exempt you from spam control. Yeah, I think I'll do that. :)
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 December 2020, 20:00

That seems risky, what if I’m taken hostage by Putin and compelled to advertise Forex trading opportunities and bitcoins?
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Re: I dont know what to do :D

Unread postby René » 15 December 2020, 20:05

Marmaduke wrote:That seems risky, what if I’m taken hostage by Putin and compelled to advertise Forex trading opportunities and bitcoins?

We'll just have to risk it!
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