I ended it with my boyfriend, I don't know how I feel

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I ended it with my boyfriend, I don't know how I feel

Unread postby scotty19 » 6 June 2022, 23:20

Hey!

I ended it with my boyfriend a few days ago, after a year of being together, and I don't know how I feel. Basically, over time, he changed. I kept asking him if there was anything, or anything I've done... I've just wanted to help him.

When we first met, it just seemed like full of love, we were messaging non-stop, he seemed to act like I was his number one. We were always excited to see one another - we live around 100 miles apart.

He's always cared for me, always made me feel happy. That didn't change.

However, since around December/January time, I just noticed he seemed off. I've tried helping, but he just wouldn't tell me what it was (if it was anything). It was like he started pulling out of things, I wasn't a priority, it started upsetting me because it felt he didn't want to spend time with me.

- My cousin got married. He was invited, all along, he said he'd come to the wedding. A few days before, he pulled out, saying his sister was visiting his home for the first time.

- Another time after that, he "forgot" I was visiting. He didn't say "yes sorry, come to me!"... he just completely cancelled it.

- We live long distance - 100 miles. He doesn't live in his hometown - we met in his new city. All along, he promised me that we would go to his hometown. I've met his parents, but this was to see the rest of his family and his home area. It never happened. He said he would book time off work to go, and he never did. I had a big talk with him about my feelings, and he said he would book the time off... he said he was too late in doing so.

So we had another talk, and I asked if I was what he wanted. He kept saying yes.

He then cancelled again on me, saying a friend (a female) was coming to stay with him and his housemate (his best friend who's a girl). I said could I also come and meet this friend... he said no.

So, I said it just feels like he doesn't want me, doesn't want to do things with me. So I ended it.

Thing is as well, we live 100 miles apart - in 1 year of this relationship, he has only ever come to me once. I've always made the effort and travelled to him.

He also has always given priority to his best friend who he lives with. I feel like she gets jealous when we spend time together, so he's always included her. It's barely ever been just me and him. I told him I feel like a third wheel. I'm not saying he can't have friends! But we also need our time, date nights etc too. Something we've had only a few times. What I found weird (and this happened more than once)... we'd be sat in the cinema linking arms or holding hands, and he'd also be linking arms with her too. I said I didn't feel comfortable about that?

I just don't know how to feel? He's amazing, and I miss the times we did have together alone. But also... I feel like, almost a week on after it ending, do I miss him? I just feel like... what if I never meet someone again? But then I also guess, what if I did meet someone who lived local, and was a much better person?

What's your thoughts on this? Sorry for the length of this!
scotty19
 
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Re: I ended it with my boyfriend, I don't know how I feel

Unread postby Subra » 7 June 2022, 13:13

My thought is that were I in your position, I would have ended things as well. I think you did the right thing. If he not only makes little effort but also discourages you from making effort, then he's only using you when it's convenient. You've now made your feelings clear to him by leaving, you deserve someone who will invest as much of themselves in you as you in them.
Subra
 
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Re: I ended it with my boyfriend, I don't know how I feel

Unread postby scotty19 » 14 June 2022, 04:08

Subra wrote:My thought is that were I in your position, I would have ended things as well. I think you did the right thing. If he not only makes little effort but also discourages you from making effort, then he's only using you when it's convenient. You've now made your feelings clear to him by leaving, you deserve someone who will invest as much of themselves in you as you in them.


Thank you.

I feel like distance relationships will work when both people put effort in, but unfortunately that hasn’t been the case.
scotty19
 
Posts: 37
+1s received: 31
Joined: 9 April 2017, 22:00
Country: United Kingdom (gb)


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