I feel lonely and I can't get over that guy

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I feel lonely and I can't get over that guy

Unread postby GreenPlumber » 29 February 2020, 13:47

So, I’m 21 and I’ve known I’m gay since the age of 13. I’ve never been in a relationship and I’ve not even had sex or kissed anyone either. So, I have no experience at all. I’m sure I’m gay though, because I’ve been attracted to several guys and I’ve never felt that for a girl. I’d really like to experience something, but my love life has been pretty unlucky, so far. Back in middle school and high school, I didn’t know many gay guys and I kept having crushes on straight guys all the time(without knowing they were straight at first, of course). Keeping doing that mistake, really disappointed me and made me lose hope.

But at college, things are a little different. I’ve been at university for almost two years now and there are plenty of other gay guys in my faculty. My two last crushes were gay too, but the first one was not interested in me and the second one is already in a relationship. My crush on the last guy is really recent and it’s really difficult for me to get over him, but I’ll come back to it later. When I see most of my friends getting in long-term relationships or at least having experienced something, I’m happy for them, but I often wonder what it feels like, to be in a relationship. They often tell me it’s harder to find a partner when you’re gay, and it certainly is due to our limited dating pool. But, I think it’s not really that. Most gay guys I know are or have already been in a relationship.

So, I really wonder what is wrong with me. I don’t think I’m unattractive or have a bad personality, but there certainly is something that prevents me from being in a relationship. I try to work on myself as much as I can, but it seems totally pointless. I’ve tried dating apps, but they don’t seem to work either. It’s pretty difficult to get matches on Tinder, and even when I do get matches, either they unmatch me or they ignore me after having chatted a little bit with me.

There was even one guy with whom I talked a lot and who told me that he thought I was cute and that he wanted to go on a date with me… yet, he started ignoring for me for no reason and the date never happened. As for Grindr, it is even worse. That app really gets on my nerves. I do get a lot of taps and messages on there, but mostly by guys who are at least twice older than me and are often only looking for sex. I’m not into older guys and I’m looking for a serious relationship and I’m not interested in casual sex, either.

I want to have my first sexual experience with a guy I really trust and love. Even in real life, only one guy has tried to hit on me. He was a pervert I ran into when catching the train, though. He was only interested in sex, wanted me to send him nudes while I barely knew him, and to add insult to injury, he was 14 years older than me. I often wonder if I can attract guys who are not creepy mature perverts, because it’s starting to get really annoying and uncomfortable. After trying dating apps and meeting people at university, I don’t really know what else I can do to meet someone. I don’t really want to try gay bars, because I don’t drink, I am not really a partier and I’ve heard many times it’s not the best place to find something serious, anyway.

When I tell people I’ve never been in a relationship, had sex or my first kiss, some of them tell me I can’t be sure I’m into guys without having experienced anything. Yet, I think they are wrong and I know better than them what I feel inside. In the past, I tried not to think about that situation and to do things I enjoy to chase those dark thoughts. However, these last days I’ve been thinking about it a lot. It really saddens me and I’m afraid it is starting to become an unhealthy obsession. During the last few days, I’ve mostly thought about meeting someone and I’ve spent countless hours on Tinder and Grindr, even if I know I won’t get anything but frustration from those apps. I’ve been in that state of mind since I learned the guy I fancied was already in a relationship.

I know, it sounds ridiculous, but that guy is more than a crush to me… I’m deeply in love and it’s really the first time I feel something that strong for someone. At the beginning, I didn’t even know he was gay. I just thought he looked cute and I wasn’t even crushing on him. During that period, I caught him looking at me in an interested manner a couple of times and that made me understand he was also gay. After a few days, I started to develop a crush on him. Then, he did turn out to be gay.

So, I wanted to know more about him and then try to seduce him. So, when I was trying to know him better, I instantly fell in love with his personality. He’s the kind of guy I’ve always dreamt of. So, I started to drop little hints that I liked him and I don’t know if he understood, but I think I was pretty easy to spot. I hope he didn't get it, though. Anyway, after a while, I started to talk about guys to him and he talked to me about his boyfriend. I was quite frustrated when he told me of course, because it felt like I had done everything for nothing.

Anyway, we are good friends now and it’s the first time I’m so close to a gay guy in real life. When he told me about his relationship, I decided to stop dropping hints and to try and look for other guys, to forget him. We still talk a lot. I’m nice to him and he’s nice to me and I’m always happy to talk with him. However, it’s really hard to forget that I feel more than friendship for him.
Last edited by GreenPlumber on 29 February 2020, 14:29, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I feel lonely and I can't get over that guy

Unread postby René » 29 February 2020, 13:51

I hope you don't mind, I'm just gonna insert some random enters in your story before reading it. Easier on the eyes :D

So, I’m 21 and I’ve known I’m gay since the age of 13. I’ve never been in a relationship and I’ve not even had sex or kissed anyone either. So, I have no experience at all. I’m sure I’m gay though, because I’ve been attracted to several guys and I’ve never felt that for a girl. I’d really like to experience something, but my love life has been pretty unlucky, so far. Back in middle school and high school, I didn’t know many gay guys and I kept having crushes on straight guys all the time(without knowing they were straight at first, of course). Keeping doing that mistake, really disappointed me and made me lose hope.

But at college, things are a little different. I’ve been at university for almost two years now and there are plenty of other gay guys in my faculty. My two last crushes were gay too, but the first one was not interested in me and the second one is already in a relationship. My crush on the last guy is really recent and it’s really difficult for me to get over him, but I’ll come back to it later. When I see most of my friends getting in long-term relationships or at least having experienced something, I’m happy for them, but I often wonder what it feels like, to be in a relationship. They often tell me it’s harder to find a partner when you’re gay, and it certainly is due to our limited dating pool. But, I think it’s not really that. Most gay guys I know are or have already been in a relationship.

So, I really wonder what is wrong with me. I don’t think I’m unattractive or have a bad personality, but there certainly is something that prevents me from being in a relationship. I try to work on myself as much as I can, but it seems totally pointless. I’ve tried dating apps, but they don’t seem to work either. It’s pretty difficult to get matches on Tinder, and even when I do get matches, either they unmatch me or they ignore me after having chatted a little bit with me.

There was even one guy with whom I talked a lot and who told me that he thought I was cute and that he wanted to go on a date with me… yet, he started ignoring for me for no reason and the date never happened. As for Grindr, it is even worse. That app really gets on my nerves. I do get a lot of taps and messages on there, but mostly by guys who are at least twice older than me and are often only looking for sex. I’m not into older guys and I’m looking for a serious relationship and I’m not interested in casual sex, either.

I want to have my first sexual experience with a guy I really trust and love. Even in real life, only one guy has tried to hit on me. He was a pervert I ran into when catching the train, though. He was only interested in sex, wanted me to send him nudes while I barely knew him, and to add insult to injury, he was 14 years older than me. I often wonder if I can attract guys who are not creepy mature perverts, because it’s starting to get really annoying and uncomfortable. After trying dating apps and meeting people at university, I don’t really know what else I can do to meet someone. I don’t really want to try gay bars, because I don’t drink, I am not really a partier and I’ve heard many times it’s not the best place to find something serious, anyway.

When I tell people I’ve never been in a relationship, had sex or my first kiss, some of them tell me I can’t be sure I’m into guys without having experienced anything. Yet, I think they are wrong and I know better than them what I feel inside. In the past, I tried not to think about that situation and to do things I enjoy to chase those dark thoughts. However, these last days I’ve been thinking about it a lot. It really saddens me and I’m afraid is starting to become an unhealthy obsession. During the last few days, I’ve mostly thought about meeting someone and I’ve spent countless hours on Tinder and Grindr, even if I know I won’t get anything but frustration from those apps. I’ve been in that state of mind since I learned the guy I fancied was already in a relationship.

I know, it sounds ridiculous, but that guy is more than a crush to me… I’m deeply in love and it’s really the first time I feel something that strong for someone. At the beginning, I didn’t even know he was gay. I just thought he looked cute and I wasn’t even crushing on him. During that period, I caught him looking at me in an interested manner a couple of times and that made me understand he was also gay. After a few days, I started to develop a crush on him. Then, he did turn out to be gay.

So, I wanted to know more about him and then try to seduce him. So, when I was trying to know him better, I instantly fell in love with his personality. He’s the kind of guy I’ve always dreamt of. So, I started to drop little hints that I liked him and I don’t know if he understood, but I think I was pretty easy to spot. I hope he didn't get it, though. Anyway, after a while, I started to talk about guys to him and he told me he talked to me about his boyfriend. I was quite frustrated when he told me of course, because it felt like I had done everything for nothing.

Anyway, we are good friends now and it’s the first time I’m so close to a gay guy in real life. When he told me about his relationship, I decided to stop dropping hints and to try and look for other guys, to forget him. We still talk a lot. I’m nice to him and he’s nice to me and I’m always happy to talk with him. However, it’s really hard to forget that I feel more than friendship for him.
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Re: I feel lonely and I can't get over that guy

Unread postby René » 29 February 2020, 14:03

The idea that you can't know if you're gay without having been intimate with anyone is certainly dumb. I knew I was gay (or at least bi) when I got my first crush in middle school :)
Getting a crush on a guy is obviously incompatible with being straight.
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Re: I feel lonely and I can't get over that guy

Unread postby GreenPlumber » 29 February 2020, 15:04

I hope you don't mind, I'm just gonna insert some random enters in your story before reading it. Easier on the eyes

Thank you :) Sorry, I edited my original post to make it easier to read^^
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Re: I feel lonely and I can't get over that guy

Unread postby kotek91 » 19 July 2020, 16:40

I've read it all your post here. What I' gonna say. I had the same like you in my life.But I got risk and 3 times was very bad . I had met guys who cheated me very well... Yeap .. That 's the life . But now since three years I've fallen in love with my boyfriend . I moved to him 3,5 years ago and we live together and are very happy . His older than me but for me it doesn't matter . I moved to him 300 kilometers:P) .
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Re: I feel lonely and I can't get over that guy

Unread postby GreenPlumber » 19 July 2020, 16:47

Hi kotek! Thanks for your reply kotek! It's cool that you finally got a boyfriend and that you're happy with him^^ Anyway that guy is probably available again now, so I'm still waiting to see where that leads us.
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Re: I feel lonely and I can't get over that guy

Unread postby kotek91 » 19 July 2020, 21:27

I belive in you.
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