I'm feeling like im using my bf.. :( need advice

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I'm feeling like im using my bf.. :( need advice

Unread postby Tom.Edvardz » 11 December 2019, 05:17

My and my bf we are together about a year or so we are happy and we love each other
but to me things don't look right when we are having sex I'm kinda feeling bad like I'm using him or something like that.. don't get me wrong i love him and i will never gonna hurt his feelings
I think my bf is mostly bottom and I'm always being a top to him but the thing is we are almost never doing anything with his dick we are only playing with mine yeah i like to let him play with my dick let him do oral even push him to the limits play with his mouth until he can't take it anymore then play with his ass and top him until he finishes without hands my bf seems happy and even starts to crack some jokes about me to try cheer me up but sometimes I'm feeling sad and mostly confused thinking if i did everything right after the fact.. if he is really satisfied by that way ? I also have a theory why is my bf are always bottom i this he is upset because his penis to small or something like that.. i don't know.. well it's not big only maybe about 10-13cm when erected, mine is way more bigger but i don't care still love him whatever.. i mean I'm so confused.. i also have a problem it's more psychological maybe.. i don't like to do oral to anyone.. so when all the things adds up it looks like I'm using him badly.. but my intentions are different it just happens like that.. i love him it's not like I'm trying to do anything bad.. yeah im so confused.. probably half of the people will understand this wrongly i hope not. I'm really really need some advances..
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Re: I'm feeling like im using my bf.. :( need advice

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 11 December 2019, 09:46

Hi Tom.
I read the following article just this morning How Spicy Are South Africans In The Sack? While it is geared toward South Africa, I think a lot of the factors mentioned would be applicable worldwide.
Every person's sex life is different, but I find it important that my partner also feels fulfilled and has gotten off at least once during our time together.
If your boyfriend is happy being a bottom, then you don't need to feel bad about being the top. Does he not enjoy climaxing though? If he does, I would say you really need to step up and ensure that he also gets his climax. It's only fair at the end of the day. Nobody wants a selfish lover....
As for size, that could be a contributing factor to him preferring to bottom but it is not necessarily the case. I have a friend who is 9cm at full mast and he tops perfectly fine with what he has.
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Re: I'm feeling like im using my bf.. :( need advice

Unread postby René » 11 December 2019, 14:26

kenzie_matt wrote:Does he not enjoy climaxing though? If he does, I would say you really need to step up and ensure that he also gets his climax. It's only fair at the end of the day. Nobody wants a selfish lover....

That's not exactly true.

Some guys are just naturally submissive like this. They get off on getting fucked and knowing that another guy "used" them to get off. Cumming themselves isn't necessarily an important part of sex for them (even if they nominally enjoy it), and this DOESN'T mean that they didn't have a very fulfilling experience. The fact that it's all about the top and his pleasure could just make it hotter for them!

Odds are the guy feels very lucky :3

If he's happy, there's no problem!
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Re: I'm feeling like im using my bf.. :( need advice

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 11 December 2019, 14:35

René wrote:
kenzie_matt wrote:Does he not enjoy climaxing though? If he does, I would say you really need to step up and ensure that he also gets his climax. It's only fair at the end of the day. Nobody wants a selfish lover....

That's not exactly true.

Some guys are just naturally submissive like this. They get off on getting fucked and knowing that another guy "used" them to get off. Cumming themselves isn't necessarily an important part of sex for them (even if they nominally enjoy it), and this DOESN'T mean that they didn't have a very fulfilling experience. The fact that it's all about the top and his pleasure could just make it hotter for them!

Odds are the guy feels very lucky :3

If he's happy, there's no problem!

Fair point :) Didn't think of it from this point of view as I have not personally experienced it, but it makes sense
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Re: I'm feeling like im using my bf.. :( need advice

Unread postby mxguy01 » 11 December 2019, 15:06

LoL. Have you all missed
he finishes without hands my bf seems happy
The bottom is having a hands free prostrate orgasm and is damn content with it. Um, are there not bottoms that look to that as the ultimate achievement? Are there not tops who like to be the cause of that?

I'm now quite a bit versatile after going though my phase of being pretty much a total bottom. While I love my dick being played with (pretty much a 24 x 7 thing for me let alone during the sexual act) there are just some guys not into it. Maybe it is a self conscience thing about the size. Sometimes those things are just what they are and you negotiate your way around them so to speak.

i love him and i will never gonna hurt his feelings
So to be brutally honest just keep enjoying the sexual acts you both are enjoying and stop looking for problems where none exist. Outside of the sexual act, make sure he understands this comment in that case too and I don't think you can go wrong with that.

A suggestion though. Just keep communicating though. Let him know you want to make sure he's good with everything. Express that you worry about it. Let him know you need that confirmation because it sounds like you do; it's ok.
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Re: I'm feeling like im using my bf.. :( need advice

Unread postby xeil » 11 December 2019, 18:53

I think you are missing the main point. You are asking too many questions about your boyfriend to yourself and trying to answer them in every angle possible that YOU can think about. Since the questions are not about you but about your boyfriend, a crazy idea would be to ask him, listen to him and have a nice conversation.
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