I'm in love with my new friend

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I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby whatever1979 » 21 November 2019, 04:28

Hi! I'm new to this forum, and I hope I'm posting this in the right place!

About a month ago, I replied to this guy's ad on the net. He was looking for a friend around his age (37). I'm 39, and we both clicked immediately! On the very first day, we spent 9 hours texting and 5 hours on the phone! He's really nice, charming, smart, funny, good-looking. In the beginning, he let out that MAYBE later on in the friendship it might turn into more, but as of now, it's just a friendship. Problem is, I've fallen in love with him! He's so nice, so loving, honest, caring. But I'm afraid that if I tell him the truth about how I feel that he will end the friendship and I'll never see him again (so far, we've met twice, he lives an hour away from me). I don't know what to do, it's so hard to keep those feelings bottled up inside. Should I keep quiet or should I tell him how I feel? I love him so much!
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 21 November 2019, 14:41

I'm not the best advise person, there are much better, experienced folks on this here site for that, but I would guess to take time, be patient and try to find out how he would think about a romantic relationship of some kind could be reasonable. Not certain to how most people would solve this or how it's done in modern times. I guess I would try to listen him out, ask an inconspicuous question here and there, and if the answers give me a good feeling about it all, I would want him to know about my feelings, of course.
If there's no future chance in it, I'd probably never come out with them.

I think you would have to consider time in order to get to know him better. How does he think about love, priority wise.
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby whatever1979 » 22 November 2019, 07:47

Thanks for the tip! I know I should give it time, but it's so hard to be patient lol. We just spent another 90 minutes on the phone, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. I just can't wait to spend a whole weekend with him next week! It's gonna be so hard to keep quiet about my love for him. But I don't want to scare him away by being too forward too soon. I wish it didn't have to be so complicated. Seems like it's easier to find sex than a true relationship nowadays. I don't know why people get so scared about love.
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby Jryski » 22 November 2019, 15:58

Just relax and calm your hormones. Enjoy your time around him and let it build. The best things in life happen this way :P
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby Eryx » 25 November 2019, 05:22

Hold your heart tighter, it's a big world out there!
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby whatever1979 » 25 November 2019, 06:15

He doesn’t seem to care much anyway. Another one-way street fantasy. He totally ignored me tonight (he was supposed to contact me). Texted him and never got a reply. I’m so depressed . :(
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 25 November 2019, 12:19

I get wanting somebody to share your life with, I really do. However, I would say that a month is too fast to come on with such strong feelings. It would freak most people out, unfortunately.
The fact that he ignored you is unfortunate - sorry for the disappointment. Is it possible that he maybe caught onto your feelings and is trying to create some distance to tone things down?
What you said earlier is true though - is easier to find sex than a meaningful relationship. Sad as that is, it is certainly the reality of the world and times we live in. That being said, sex in a true relationship = better than sliced bread.
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby whatever1979 » 25 November 2019, 12:26

I don’t know what to do anymore. He seemed to really like me. I guess I was wrong. Couldn’t sleep at all, I feel so anxious and rejected. Why does it have to hurt so much? I thought love was supposed to be nice and wonderful? It couldn’t have been all in my head, unless he’s another narcissist?
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 25 November 2019, 12:33

Could be a combination of things. Maybe it was all in your head, maybe he is just a narcissist. Either way, your best course of action is probably to rather move on and look for somebody who is likely to return your affections.
Some guys get off on having people fall for them only to leave them hanging or reject them. You deserve better than that sort of treatment :)
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby whatever1979 » 25 November 2019, 13:09

I give up on love. Too complicated. Even when you meet a guy with lots in common, never works out. And my last long distance relationship was a train-wreck. Three years of intense highs and lows with a true narcissist. I guess I’ll have to settle for a lonely life.
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby Eryx » 25 November 2019, 16:27

You're way too intense, dude. It was a month, it wasn't that special, you're feeling things too deeply and too quickly. People have different interests and priorities, it doesn't always work out. In fact, people who are in a relationship right now have probably been more rejected than reciprocated to get there. It's not as easy as Hollywoood movies might make you think.

Dial down on the intensity and grow a backbone, rejection is NORMAL and everyone goes through it. It's not healthy to consider such a fundamental part of life something you can't deal with. If you can't handle that guy disappearing, how can you get over getting fired? It happens. Push yourself to be stronger.

You don't have to settle for a lonely life, but you do need to aim for stability and strength to face things with a leveled head. Being ghosted by a dude isn't an irrevocable disaster. Pick up your stuff and move on to the next one.
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Re: I'm in love with my new friend

Unread postby whatever1979 » 3 December 2019, 07:54

Well, now he knows how I feel, and he says he just wants to be friends. After an hour of cuddling and fondling in bed, he suddenly changed his mind. Hard to understand his intentions, but I guess being friends with him is better than nothing. And I really don't want to lose him, so I'll settle for that for the time being.
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