I'm not sure I know what I'm doing

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I'm not sure I know what I'm doing

Unread postby moranica » 8 March 2021, 05:28

Hey y'all.

I've just recently did a coming out and things went pretty swell. I found a guy on a dating app, we met and we really quickly went into a relationship (our second meetup). The guy told me that he'd like me to be his boyfriend and I agreed... it was just so fast and I'm really confused and I don't know what to think of all of it.

OK so here's the problem:
My boyfriend and I are planning to move out to another country together, you know work there and just live together. Some things have already been taken care of, regarding our trip and we're gonna be moving next month. And hey, I'm really happy to do so, cause I just wanna move out.

The problem lays in the behaviour of my BF, he seems kinda toxic towards me. When texting, he's all cute and stuff but when we meet irl things get a little bit different. I've already told him that his behaviour towards me in some of the occasions is not acceptable but nothing seems to change.

And listen y'all I have some problems myself. Back in the day I was diagnosed as a borderline person and sometimes I just think that I made a wrong decision but I am not entirely sure if it's just my f****d up mentality that's scared of any human interactions or if it is an actual toxic relationship.

So I'd like to ask you if you had any toxic-esque relationships that managed to survive trough animosities and now you're happy? If so, then please advice me what did you do to achieve that?

i'm not a native english speaker, so please forgive me for any mistakes
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Re: I'm not sure I know what I'm doing

Unread postby Marmaduke » 8 March 2021, 06:43

I think we’d need more information before we could weigh in on whether the relationship is toxic or not. However, I think we can conclude you’re moving too fast and for all the wrong reasons. You have doubts over the relationship already and you apparently worry that he’s emotionally or psychologically abusive, if not worse. Whilst one can certainly appreciate a desire to move out and become independent, moving in with such a person on its own would probably be something we’d advise you against until you had more faith in the strength of the relationship, much less emigrating to a new country to do so.

If you can, I think it’s probably wise to roll things back a bit.
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Re: I'm not sure I know what I'm doing

Unread postby Raynethemagi » 8 March 2021, 10:49

Well, it seems like to me, based on what I'm reading, that there's something in this relationship for you. Because, let's be real here, if you wanted nothing to do with someone, you wouldn't get into a relationship to begin with correct? But, from what I'm seeing there's a benefit in being with this person. You can see this relationship blooming into something beautiful, because when you ask quote "So I'd like to ask you if you had any toxic-esque relationships that managed to survive trough animosities and now you're happy? If so, then please advice me what did you do to achieve that?" To me it comes across as someone who wants this relationship, however toxic it may be, to work.

The real question is, does he want the same thing? When people get into relationships, most people have their own reasons for being in a relationship. For some, it's to find real love. For others, it's the companionship part that's a major highlight. Have you ever asked him why he wants a relationship with you? We can both conclude that he's obviously into you, but, what's his reason is my question.

Listen to your emotions. How do you feel when you're around him. Do you feel confused? Do you feel happy? Do you feel a little annoyed? Does something seem off? Your emotions are like a guide, so listen to them. Just because something "seems" good, doesn't mean it's going to be good. Your purpose in life is to be happy. Will adding this person into your life make you happy?

All I can say is listen to your heart. It'll tell you what it wants. Think with your head AND your heart.
Here's an example of the Universe trying to tell you that you need healing in an area of your life:

Someone who struggles with showing emotion. This person, in their lifetime, will constantly struggle with this, and that is because, they choose to ignore or disregard the fact that they have trouble showing emotion. Most people will ignore this issue, and will continue to fracture themselves. And this goes with pretty much any problem that happens in your life that is recurring. Don't pass up an opportunity to make you "whole" again.
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