I need advice!

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I need advice!

Unread postby huurre » 7 June 2020, 18:16

hi!

so, the thing is. me and this guy have had something going on between us for a long while (i'm talking several months, maybe 7 or 8?) but we're not dating. we're still definitely more than friends. he's told me he has a crush on me and i also have a crush on him, he just doesn't want to label what we are. (for context before the story; i just turned 16 and he's turning 16 next month so we're kids)

earlier this week, i was hanging out with him and his group of friends. they were talking about a party they all went to together the earlier weekend after our graduation (i didn't want to go since i'm not a big fan of huge parties) and the conversation suddenly went to how friend A asked friend B if he would like to have sex with her (he refused since he was sober - not the point of my story) so my boy just said "oh, this reminds me of when friend C and i kissed at that party and later he told me he felt super bad about it! he was sober and i was totally out".

it made me feel upset. friend C is kinda close to me and i'd say we're friends or at least in good terms. he knows me and my boy have something between us and C was, apparently, completely sober! i'm not sure if i'm allowed to be upset over this. my boy isn't my boyfriend and he was drunk and high when it happened. i don't want to confront him since we're not dating and i don't want him to start hating me and stop talking to me and think i'm controlling.

i'm kind of scared since i think i'm really in love with him... i don't want to lose him over something like this since he's amazing and lovely and, like i said, i think i might actually love him and it's scary.

please help me what to do :(
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Re: I need advice!

Unread postby Choicespecs » 8 June 2020, 11:18

Hey Man,
I completely understand your situation. And it is nice to hear you're open about everything.

It is really normal when you start dating to feel possessive over someone. However, and this comes with time and age, we need to understand that you do not and can not own someone. People are free to do what they want and also change. And the same with you, you will also grow and change.

One person once told me, no mater what you do, if someone wants to cheat they will cheat.

What that means is, there is no point worrying if someone is going to leave you or hate you. You are using a lot of your energy worried that something is going to happen when there may not be anything going on. Youre missing out on whats happening now. This can lead to a self-fulfilling prophesy.

To me if someone gets jealous over mentioning of Exs or past escapades it just shows their level of maturity and controlling.
From my experience this comes with age really. I'm guilty of it when I was younger. And still now to an extent, but trying to work on it.

That being said, lets link this to your situation.

You and your boy have already proclaimed your admiration for each other. Surely that is enough? He trusts the relationship enough to express past incidents. He did say it in front of you. If it was something you should be worried about he would have not mentioned anything or said it behind your back.

It is hard to trust someone. But, don't deny your emotions and it would be healthy to express them. If you are feeling scared it is okay to say;

"Hey, when you mentioned friend C, it made me feel uncomfortable because I...."

And then add something about why you feel this way. Don't say exactly that, but its just the general jist. If they do like you they will understand.

Don't bottle your emotions, you are allowed and should express yourself in anyway, as long as it does not hurt others.

I hope this helps and you and your boy have a great time together.
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Re: I need advice!

Unread postby Frigid » 8 June 2020, 18:10

One off kiss doesn’t mean squat :)
poolerboy0077 wrote:Aren’t you a vegetarian? I hear your people’s farts are quite lethal. It doesn’t matter much if a volcano’s lip is clean when there lava pit is ready to burst at any unexpected moment.
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Re: I need advice!

Unread postby Eryx » 9 June 2020, 19:03

Talk to him about it, seems innocent enough to me.
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