I need relationship advice ASAP! :(

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I need relationship advice ASAP! :(

Unread postby JRW8790 » 1 August 2020, 12:06

The situation is that my boyfriend, Sam is off to Scotland next week with his family, it’s a traditional thing where all the family go to a place called Port Patrick in Scotland it’s a costal retreat and basically it’s a family only club sorta thing where if you are not family you can’t go and all the children (I mean the toddlers and babies) of the family aren’t allowed to go because they want to relax which means the mums and dads of them kids like Sams cousins aren’t allowed to go.

So, Sam has always gone with all his aunties and uncles and and they all go up to a massive mansion and have loads of drinks play games go for walks and shopping and go to events and what not supposed to be a really good time. They always go around this time of the year, now last year he told me he was done with it and that he has me now and it isn’t right to go somewhere without me which I didn’t mind him going to be honest. I didn’t expect him to change his traditions now he has me. But then he turned around and went actually I’m going. So last year we had a little falling out because I was like you can’t just up and leave for a week two days before you are going when all this time you said you wasnt going. Anyway, it all got supposed because his grandad fell ill and then he died. So, the whole family didn’t end up going till like 4 months later in November where it was outa the question Sam was going. Now of course I didn’t mind as it was for his family to go scatter his ashes there (which they didn’t even do and did it when they got back home as it didn’t feel right leaving him there) but whilst he was there one of his cousins randomly turned up called Lewis (which is allowed) with his new girlfriend of like 3 weeks (which isn’t allowed) they all welcomed her with open arms and she stayed. Now surprisingly Sam actually spoke up and said that he doesn’t feel that is right because he couldn’t bring me (just to his mum and dad he said this to) and they said it is what it is and to not get involved and just enjoy the holiday so when he got back he was like fuck that I’m not going again and I was like oooooo hehehe. Then a few weeks later he came at me and said actually I will go next year but I’m taking you with me, we probably won’t be able to stay but we can get a hotel nearby because I want you there. I was like awwww. So here we are 2020 a year has passed its time for them to go to Port Patrick again and Sam turns around and says he’s going and he’s going without me. So I was like what? But I thought you wouldn’t leave me again and you was gunna take me with you and he just sat there didn’t say a thing and just wasn’t interested or bothered at all and he just left. He’s currently there now and I’m just like ugh.


So, my point is what am I supposed to do? I feel excluded and feel I’m not part of the family even tho sam says I’m his family. I think the thing that’s upset me the most is that he feel comfortable just leaving me behind whilst I stay at there house and look after there dog whilst there all on vacation. I might not be his family, I don’t know but Sam has always told me I’m his family now and I said to him, “So how can you leave me? You don’t leave your family. You are going somewhere that I won’t even be able to go to and it’s like going to a bar but I can’t get in because I forgot my ID so instead of coming back out and finding a new bar you stay there and leave me on the street. That’s how I feel.” I don’t know if I should feel this way or be angry at him but I feel like he doesn’t care anymore he sometimes chats a good game but he never walks it and we just aren’t the same anymore we have had sex 5-6 time’s this YEAR. We hardly even kiss and now recently he doesn’t even want to cuddle up or spoon In bed or anything and I always ask and try as I really want that.

I know deep down I should just leave him and not put up with his shit like coming home In a mood because he’s had a bad day at work and taking it out on me or not putting me first and never speaks to me and just talks to his friend ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

I’ve changed so much, and I’ve learnt the hard way for so many life lessons in my life. I feel I could be the best boyfriend for him but it’s still not enough and I say that because I treated My first ex badly. Now I know it’s because he cheated on me for a long time and whatnot, but I didn’t give him freedom and I just made his life hell so no wonder he cheated on me again and again but I learnt to not be as restrictive and to be more protective of my heart. Then with my second ex I learnt to not just jump into a relationship straight away. With my 3rd ex I learnt not to let myself be a freaking mug all the time for no one and to respect myself more. So I have applied all I have learnt in this relationship and it still isn’t enough.

I’ve tried sitting down and talking to him so many times about my feelings but he doesn’t communicate and makes it basically impossible to solve things.

I may have learnt a lot relationship wise but personally I still have a long way to go.

I as a person have a long way to go as I make many personal human errors which is that I opened up my heart too much and now I’m afraid to let go. I feel in love with so much more than just Sam, I feel in love with his parents, his house (that I get to have to myself and basically live there a lot for free because Sam works a lot and his parents go away all the time) and I fell in love with where he lives and the city and his grandma and most of his friends and I just don’t have the strength to let that go. I know deep deep deeeeeep down it’s probably for the best to split up but then I would be alone, stuck back at home in my little town full of people I hate and with no one and I wouldn’t ever get to see Sam again or anything but I know he would be better off single too because he wants to get on with his life and I feel I’m restricting that but in same breath he can’t because he works too much for too little and won’t ever do anything about it so his job restricts him More than I ever could. Plus I wanna go to college/university to study soon and follow my hearts desire and that would mean a lot of sacrifices for us both which I don’t feel he is mature enough for yet as he is 20 and I’m 22.

Now I know that was a lot of information to take in but I just don’t know what to do at all I’m at a complete loss and I feel ugly, unwanted and unsatisfied. What should I do?

Also a quick thing to add is in person it’s super awkward for some reason and he just seems like he doesn’t wanna be there. And regarding his friends, well to be honest I’m kinda jealous of them because he just adores them. He literally never stops talking to them he talks to them about 8 hours a day roughly.? And he just doesn’t give me anywhere near as much attention or effort and it makes me feel like crap. Plus he would defend his friends to the death and he wouldn’t for me

And it doesn’t matter what I say or do he doesn’t change I could tell him all this but he would still go and do it.

I have thought about this for literally minuets, hours, days, weeks and months and I am definitely not over reacting or imagining things in my head. I really have sat down and analysed the situation for all angles and really tried to understand what’s going on.

I’ve probably missed so much more that I just can’t remember to put like that he wouldn’t ever be the one to end it and is happy living a life like this. Also to end it I’m a top and he’s supposed to be a bottom but I think he’s secretly a top and doesn’t like bottoming that much and that’s why we don’t have sex because two tops don’t mix
JRW8790
 
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Re: I need relationship advice ASAP! :(

Unread postby PopTart » 1 August 2020, 14:10

Im very sorry I didn't read everything.

But I think you have a reason to be, at the very least put out, that you are expected to stay at his families house and look after their pets, while your boyfriend goes off to enjoy a holiday, from which you are excluded, on what seems to be somewhat arbitrary grounds. One year someone elses partner can go, but you can't? It all seems a tad insensitive from your partner and his family.

I would make it clear that your not comfortable with being used like a kennel service and that you're partners constantly changing mind is not really very fair.

His reaction to those very reasonable concerns, will likely tell you wether you should stick around or not.
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Re: I need relationship advice ASAP! :(

Unread postby JRW8790 » 1 August 2020, 14:58

Thanks for replying,

(Does anyone else have anything that could help me all are welcome) :)

I do usually look after there dog if just his parents ever go anywhere for the weekend or a few days and my boyfriend is here with me as I don’t mind I love dogs and a free house, but asking me to look after the dog whilst there ALL away is so cheeky. So at the moment I’m sat at there house doggy sitting whilst there away it’s crazy! I will confront him very sensibly when he gets back and however he reacts I will make a decision on. Thank you!
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