I want to be loved

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I want to be loved

Unread postby 24andoverit » 5 July 2019, 12:16

Me again,

whats the deal? is it me or where I live? I live in a small town in the south that is actually somewhat progressive. Ive had a few relationships that have burned out. But I was never really interested. I just want to meet someone that nice and attractive, mature and somewhat successful. Is that Too much to ask for? Im 24 and worry that Im wasting my best years being single. Tell me if Im wrong.

Thanks
B
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sincerely, B


the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby Eryx » 5 July 2019, 12:23

These kinds of things are really random. We don't really choose who we become attracted to in a meaningful way, and sometimes when that happens, the attraction isn't reciprocated. It just kind of happens at its own time. You're still young, man. I'm 26 now and only last year I started a more steady relationship. Some people only get there when they're 35. There's no rush. And you look great, don't worry about it.
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby 24andoverit » 5 July 2019, 13:21

thank you :)
sincerely, B


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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby Jzone » 5 July 2019, 22:21

24andoverit wrote:Im 24 and worry that Im wasting my best years being single. Tell me if Im wrong.

You're wrong.

Your best years are hopefully yet to come. At 24 you are probably at your best being single — exploring, learning, evaluating who you are and what you want. It may be hard not to stress about it, but don't stress. Learn, grow, be yourself. The rest will follow.
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby 24andoverit » 5 July 2019, 23:18

Wow thank you. That helps
sincerely, B


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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby Jryski » 6 July 2019, 01:36

Im almost 26 and honestly I feel like relationships arent really worth looking for. Most guys are trash nowadays, so Im just gonna focus on pursuing my dreams and if I meet someone along the way, then great! If not, I'll just get a cute doggity. Dogs make life worth it. Haha
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby NobodySpecial » 7 July 2019, 07:08

My partner turned 60 Saturday (it is now about 2 am Sunday in my time zone). ( I'll follow him in 5 months.)

We have been together about 16+ years. So I was about 44 when it started -- that is 20 years older than you are now. I gave up my virginity at 21.5, and while I was always looking for love, I had few relationships that lasted, and never any live-in's. That means for around 22 years I failed to meet that special lasting man.

Sometimes I wonder what if I had met my guy way back when. To be honest, I don't think I would have had the experience and maturity to appreciate him and perhaps even visa versa.

You cannot force a relationship to happen, they just do. However, you can just be able to be open to the possibilities, but not pushing to get into one. I never found singleness to be wonderful per se. It wasn't that I hated being around myself, but as someone who is naturally somewhat of a loner, being single emphasized that a bit much.

If you have hobbies you really enjoy, get involved with them for the joy of that activity -- not focusing on finding a partner. Unless you live a big distance from any sized town, you might very well find such groups where the members are gay. Again, the focus is about just being comfortable around others -- not to find a man because they are all gay in a particular group.

I cannot imagine life without my partner. Sure we have spats at times, but he is my rock. We have had wonderful times as well as sad times: I saw him through 5-bypasses several years ago and initial unemployment soon after we met; likewise, he saw me through West Nile virus, a pacemaker, and unemployment. While sex can be important, it hasn't been the defining thing. (Thank goodness since I have equipment failure.) What is so meaningful to me is that every night I lay my head next to his, and every morning that same beautiful man is there beside me. Sometimes when I cannot sleep, I just look at him and listen to his breathing and realize I am SO lucky.

Again, I was in my mid-40's before I found my man. I had lots of heartaches before that. Note, that breakups do NOT get easier with age. But perhaps those bad experiences helped focus me on the kinds of guys I should avoid, and the ones I should consider.

If deep down in your heart you want that special man to love and to cherish you and visa versa, you can have that. Just don't expect it to happen quickly, these things take time. I would have been a much happier young adult had I not focused so much on wishing I had that special some one. Sadness about being alone can really take you down the wrong path.

Best of luck!
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby 24andoverit » 7 July 2019, 11:04

NobodySpecial wrote:My partner turned 60 Saturday (it is now about 2 am Sunday in my time zone). ( I'll follow him in 5 months.)

We have been together about 16+ years. So I was about 44 when it started -- that is 20 years older than you are now. I gave up my virginity at 21.5, and while I was always looking for love, I had few relationships that lasted, and never any live-in's. That means for around 22 years I failed to meet that special lasting man.

Sometimes I wonder what if I had met my guy way back when. To be honest, I don't think I would have had the experience and maturity to appreciate him and perhaps even visa versa.

You cannot force a relationship to happen, they just do. However, you can just be able to be open to the possibilities, but not pushing to get into one. I never found singleness to be wonderful per se. It wasn't that I hated being around myself, but as someone who is naturally somewhat of a loner, being single emphasized that a bit much.

If you have hobbies you really enjoy, get involved with them for the joy of that activity -- not focusing on finding a partner. Unless you live a big distance from any sized town, you might very well find such groups where the members are gay. Again, the focus is about just being comfortable around others -- not to find a man because they are all gay in a particular group.

I cannot imagine life without my partner. Sure we have spats at times, but he is my rock. We have had wonderful times as well as sad times: I saw him through 5-bypasses several years ago and initial unemployment soon after we met; likewise, he saw me through West Nile virus, a pacemaker, and unemployment. While sex can be important, it hasn't been the defining thing. (Thank goodness since I have equipment failure.) What is so meaningful to me is that every night I lay my head next to his, and every morning that same beautiful man is there beside me. Sometimes when I cannot sleep, I just look at him and listen to his breathing and realize I am SO lucky.

Again, I was in my mid-40's before I found my man. I had lots of heartaches before that. Note, that breakups do NOT get easier with age. But perhaps those bad experiences helped focus me on the kinds of guys I should avoid, and the ones I should consider.

If deep down in your heart you want that special man to love and to cherish you and visa versa, you can have that. Just don't expect it to happen quickly, these things take time. I would have been a much happier young adult had I not focused so much on wishing I had that special some one. Sadness about being alone can really take you down the wrong path.

Best of luck!



Wow. Thank you. That was really special to read and I’m gonna to pull it out and read it when I feel sad. Good for you and thank you for telling me that. Where I live (rural MS) it’s dry and not many people can relate. My mother (God love her for her support) is beautiful and had to fight straight guys off growing up and doesn’t understand that it’s not the same for my people.

Needless to say, finding someone is going to stop being my priority for a while. I plan to move to Atlanta soon for my job. In the meantime, I’m going to let all of the pieces fall where they will fall. Thank you again.
sincerely, B


the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby Eryx » 8 July 2019, 04:43

NobodySpecial, that was beautiful!!

And 24andoverit, I told you!! It's early to worry. You'll be fine. You're beautiful and you have the right attitude. Save some money to come to Rio with your future boyfriend sometime, and I'll love to show you around. We live in a huuuuuge world! ;)
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 8 July 2019, 05:51

Jryski wrote:Most guys are trash nowadays

You made me choke on my water. :lol:
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby Jryski » 8 July 2019, 23:44

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Jryski wrote:Most guys are trash nowadays

You made me choke on my water. :lol:

Its true though! :shrug:
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Re: I want to be loved

Unread postby NobodySpecial » 9 July 2019, 07:11

I had an unusual tangent that I wanted to share. I love sci fy movies and series, and one that comes to mind is a scene from a Star Trek movie with the next Gen actor cast. They were investigating a planet where people didn't age. Anyway, the love interest of Capt Jean Luc asked him if he ever saw a perfect moment. Then there was a scene of a humming bird in slow motion...

Here is a short video of that scene if that helps refresh some people's memory:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1gXWUphKJE

As I have gotten older though I can still get down at times, I have had more moments of complete peace with the world around me. The one that sticks out vividly was one day I was walking three of my dogs out in a remote (though paved with sidewalk) trail. I looked out at my dogs and they had that happy look with their tails wagging, tongues panting, and that look of what I always saw as the equivalent of a human smile. They were enjoying being out in the wild and checking out nature. For those moments, I felt so much peace and love -- not love directed specifically at me, but animal love of fun and playtime in nature.

Yes we all want and need to be loved, but the best way to not dwell always on feeling unloved is to give love and even go further by observing love and happiness that can be found around you. My dogs were loving life, and I was a voyeur of that love and happiness. Such a feeling of contentment is possible at times when we open our hearts and minds to the wonders around us.

Be a voyeur of wonderful things around you no matter how small they might be, and you can feel contentment.

(For a song version of what I'm trying to express, I think of this happy song from decades ago. Listen to the lyrics:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33o32C0ogVM
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