IDK maybe it’s Love ..

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IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Sherman8D » 29 September 2019, 07:06

Hi,

I wanted to share my issue with someone because it’s been on my mind and I feel like venting. It is pretty long though. Advice, similar stories, or support is greatly supported.

I think I’ve fallen for my best friend. I think. I’m not sure considering that I’ve never been with anyone ( in all aspects) to really understand L-O-V-E. We knew of each other in highschool but didn’t really hang out until we met in college/work as coworkers. When we first met, I disliked him at first and I was very ...underdeveloped . Umm unsure of who I was and who I’m supposed to be. I had so many questions and so many insecurities about myself that he helped me figure out. At the time , I questioned my faith in god, my concept of moralities, my sexual identity, my intelligence, my political beliefs, and a bunch of other things. I admire his breath of thought, critical thinking skills, his initiative to do good. He was also a gamer/anime nerd , so we always had lots of fun things to talk about . He helped open my mind and not to see the world so black- and-white because you know the world is complicated, life’s complicated, and there are multiple reasons why things happen as they do. He helped me define myself better and made me grow. He even helped me lose weight and live a healthier, physically active lifestyle that I enjoy very much. And no ones ever done any of those things for me like that before.

He’s my greatest friend and I’d take a bulllet for him. But as we hang out more and more . I feel very unsure of how to define my complicated feelings towards him. I regard him as my Bestfriend, Mentor, Coach, Teacher, Rolemodel, Rival, Brother, and lately in Romantic kind of way. And that’s weird because I never looked at him in that way in the beginning. And I reeeallly don’t want to think of him in that way because that’s just ... awkward.

I guess I could ask him how he feels about me. But I don’t want to risk losing my friendship. The odds aren’t in my favor. He’s supposedly exclusively into black guys. And he knows me to be more into white guys and latinos. So I have always wondered if our racial preferences would interfere. Though he is really the only black guy I’m attracted to . . Secondly, I’m not sure what the status of his relationship is. Last thing I remember was his boyfriend for like 2 years wanted an open relationship, but he’s “strictly monogamous”. But they still hangout and he has been on dates “trying to find his future husband” lol. I don’t ask if their broken up or if they’re just fooling around or maybe he did actually consider open relationship (doubtful). idk maybe I don’t want to know or i feel like that’s not my business. Lastly, I greatly enjoy our friendship dynamic and I feel very hesitant to change it. What if it goes wrong and he never talks to me again. One time we had a fall out for 3 months and he didn’t talk to me. It really hurt my feelings and it manifested into my dreams. I would dream we were hanging normal as usual and having fun, but then he’d disappear or give me the cold shoulder. I’d ask what I did wrong but he’d never tell me. He’s just the kind of person who wants you to figure it out on your own. And I did figure it out. But I don’t want to feel sad like that again.
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby NvM » 29 September 2019, 15:45

key to any relationship is respect, honesty, and:
COMMUNICATION!
Sounds like you have an issue talking to your aspiring lover? Not a good thing he demands you keep your mouth shut. My guess, if you said "I love you" he could not, dosnt want to process the situation. Maybe just not in his live he just cant do it.

on the other hand:
your afraid of loosing a good friend but even the best of friendships dissipate in time. Will you remember this as lost opportunity?
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Eryx » 29 September 2019, 15:49

From what you're saying, I don't think it's worth it to pursue this. Maybe you should take some time to yourself so that you can focus on you for a while. I don't mean you need to stop talking to him, but maybe just hang out a little less and get some distance, just so you can calm down.

You should also start looking for different people and opportunities. Lots of fish in the ocean. Terrible cliché, but necessary to say sometimes.
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Ryant99 » 30 September 2019, 04:40

I can kind of relate to your situation. I met someone about a month ago and we've developed a close friendship. I want to confess my feelings and I'm planning on doing it soon, I'm just worried of getting rejected and making things permanently awkward. I think in your case you've known this guy for a long enough time that it might be worth being upfront with him, or at least try jokingly flirt with him and see how he reacts. Honestly everyone I've talked to about confessing feelings have told me that you only live once, and all the time thinking about it could be spent with the one you love.
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Sherman8D » 30 September 2019, 17:28

@NvM : My feelings have developed into romantic affection because he is respectful, honest, and communicative to me. And he doesn’t demand anything of me. I just don’t always know what he thinks. He’s the kind of friendship I’d like to preserve for a very long time. Hence the hesitation. I’m aware of friendships falling apart over time, but I will be a diligent friend.
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Sherman8D » 30 September 2019, 17:36

@Eryx : I’ve considered what you’re suggesting. But that’s all I’ve been doing lately. And these thoughts still persist . We’ve been friends for at least 4 years now and we keep in touch frequently. So it’s hard to hang out less without feeling upset about it.

Oh yes many fish. I mean I do still look for dating other people and all that Jazz. But I haven’t met anyone who can measure up to him yet. Or I’m just really bad at getting dates.
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Sherman8D » 30 September 2019, 17:41

@Ryant99 : oh goodness . I’m wishing you good luck on your similar situation too ! I’ve known him for like 4 years. Lol I’m not good at flirting. I just try to be myself. I have decided to shoot my shot actually .
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Sherman8D » 30 September 2019, 17:45

It took me some time to do this . But I chose to listen to my heart today. I texted him about how I felt. I thought to share since y’all listened to me. I appreciate that btw.

Me:
Hey

I wanted to tell you something that’s been on my mind for a while. And I prefer to nip it in the bud if possible. I’m going to my brother’s girlfriends birthday party tomorrow night, so I’m not going to queerfit this week. So you’ll have time to contemplate on what Ill say.

It’s not really something I expected or planned. It just happened over time. Yes, I’ve developed feelings for you. More than the friendship kind obviously. You know I’m inexperienced with any aspect of this , so I really don’t know to process it myself. But I have watched a lot of movies, and well if they’re any accurate, I’ll probably live with regret if I didn’t mention it soon.

I don’t want to be those people who lose out on amazing friendship because of a rejection though. You’re my greatest and most impactful friend and I’d be content with just your friendship. And to be frank, if that is the case, I prefer we never mention this conversation again. For my sake. I’ll get over it eventually.

Well anyways. Sorry to drop a bombshell on you. I hope you say something . Anything. Cuz that sure is better than nothing.

Zzzz

Him:
Not really I bombshell to me lol, I picked up this potentially being the case around kickball season. it's kind if the be expected, we spend a lot of time together. But you know my enduring goal to only be with black men won't ever let that happen. I have thought about it over the years though. Which has probably prepared me for this moment. I also fell for my best friend as you know so I understand. No judgement here, I will treat you no differently, and won't bring it up if you are not OK with that. But I don't mind talking about it either. I won't be weirded out by the conversation.

Me:
Thanks for saying it gently. That’s all I needed to know. And I don’t want you to bring it up lol. But I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And I appreciate you for that.

See you at queerfit next week then.
Did you see the Demon Slayer season finale ?
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Ryant99 » 30 September 2019, 19:16

Ahh I'm so happy for you! Sounds like it worked out perfectly, and you got what you needed to hear. Now I feel inclined to tell my special someone... I would do it over text but everyone has told me I should do it in person.
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 1 October 2019, 06:21

A huge congratulations!!! You stuck to your guns and told him how you feel. That took a lot of guts, and you were able to get closure as a result. Hopefully Mr. Right is on his way really soon so that you can get the kind of relationship you deserve. From the bit of information you've given so far, it seems that you're a kind soul with a lot to offer. There's definitely a lucky guy out there who is going to be extremely happy with you, and treat you right in return as well.
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Re: IDK maybe it’s Love ..

Unread postby Jryski » 2 October 2019, 11:00

There are many different types of love. I think it'll be worth your time to read up on all of them because they sometimes can be confused with each other. It sounds like you guys have a special bond for sure but iuno if its romantic?
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