Insecurity, Fucking Best Friend with Boyfriend, & Love

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Insecurity, Fucking Best Friend with Boyfriend, & Love

Unread postby Gaygoddess » 25 January 2020, 03:10

Okay, so I was scrolling on twitter and I found this guys account where he posts every few days or so of him fucking someone new, fucking just his best friend, or his best friend and boyfriend at the same time, and it made me feel so insecure.

I’m trying to understand the psychology behind it but I really need more insight. I immediately thought to myself: is there something wrong with me? Why am I not having novel experiences? Am I not doing enough? Am I not putting myself out there enough (probably)? How does he fuck his best friend so casually? How does he fuck his best friend and boyfriend at the same time without there being any emotional problems like jealousy, possessiveness, etc?

I spoke to someone else about it and they explained to me that they feel like gay men often think they have to act a certain way to fit a mould. It’s obvious that just because we’re gay it doesn’t mean we’re all obligated to do the same things or follow the same moral code. We are each unique in our own way but still, I had to explain that I genuinely wanted more experiences... the same experiences: fucking my best friend, fucking my best friend with my boyfriend, whatever...

More than anything I just want to understand, but I also think I’m afraid to put myself out there because I think I’m going to feel a lot of emotions I’m not used to dealing with. Basically, I’m afraid of feeling the way I did when I used to have gay best friends. When I used to have gay best friends, it was the first time in my life where I felt jealousy in an extreme and I didn’t even know what I was feeling until months went by. Long story short, I had a crush on one of my best friends and learned to live with it. I still think I’m very attracted to him and love him because how do you not love your bestie? Ultimately, I stopped talking to him because 1) he was a bad friend to me and 2) I’ll never actually admit this but I was and still am unsure if it’s healthy for me to continue the friendship because I have this uncontrollable yearning for him. I’m just distressed and trying to navigate this side of myself that’s still so fresh.

I came out when I was 20, living in rural Pennsylvania and now i’ve been out for 3 years, recently moved to New York City where I can openly be with a bunch of gay men, but haven’t a clue as to what the fuck I’m doing. And on top of all this, I think viewing this guys Twitter casted a shroud of guilt over me because although my life is way more peaceful now that I don’t associate with my hometown ex-gay besties, I can’t help but have my doubts on whether I handled the situation properly or not. I kind of just drifted away slowly. I Didn’t really explain myself... I have a hard time expressing my emotions especially at their peak and am working on it.

I know I can’t protect myself from every bad feeling because that’s how we grow and learn, but I also don’t want to be hurt all the time! Is anyone able to somewhat relate?? I would really appreciate any wisdom because I’m feeling distressed
Last edited by Gaygoddess on 25 January 2020, 14:47, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Insecurity, Fucking Best Friend with Boyfriend, & Love

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 25 January 2020, 03:46

Personally id never want anyone but my boyfriend. He does everything for me. Even a world apart.

But can you please add some paragraph breaks. Its really hard to read as is
"I hope your having fun" paul McCartney

"Castles made of sand slips into the sea,
Eventually" jimi hendrix

"We are star dust. We are golden" joni mitchell

Edna St. Vincent Millay — 'My candle burns at both ends;It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—It gives a lovely light!'
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PostThis post was deleted by Gaygoddess on 25 January 2020, 04:04.

Re: Insecurity, Fucking Best Friend with Boyfriend, & Love

Unread postby Gaygoddess » 25 January 2020, 04:04

I’ve added some
Capt._Trips wrote:Personally id never want anyone but my boyfriend. He does everything for me. Even a world apart.

But can you please add some paragraph breaks. Its really hard to read as is
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Re: Insecurity, Fucking Best Friend with Boyfriend, & Love

Unread postby René » 25 January 2020, 06:29

There's a lot going on here. I would try to separate the guilt you feel over the way you stopped talking with your old friends from this insecurity over novel experiences.

Regarding the latter and this (random?) guy's Twitter feed, I think what you're experiencing is the curse of social media, which is that you only get to see the parts of someone's life that they want to broadcast to the world and then use that selective sliver as some kind of standard to compare your own whole life to. Who can say what misery and jealousy he and his boyfriend have actually gone through? I would guess it's more than he's posted about on Twitter. And I would not envy someone who is so "casual" about sex and relationships at all. There is indeed a mould you're trying to fit into, and I'd say it's a pretty stupid one. So I would suggest you stop trying. You're not this guy, and even he probably doesn't have the straightforward life he seems to from what he chooses to share on social media. It's unlikely you ever will either, and that's not a bad thing.
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Re: Insecurity, Fucking Best Friend with Boyfriend, & Love

Unread postby Safigooner » 26 January 2020, 16:22

I wouldn't give that much attention especially since he posts on Twitter.
Mainly he is looking for likes and retweets and so on. I bet he even has an allfan account as well and making money out of this.
My advice to you is do not compare yourself to such "people" , be the judge of who you are and don't let anyone , especially a twitter account lol, effect your self esteem.
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Re: Insecurity, Fucking Best Friend with Boyfriend, & Love

Unread postby Eryx » 27 January 2020, 02:17

Internet porn people don't exist, it's all an act and all the people who actually have that much sex are probably having issues as well, because it's not sustainable. Real gay life is way calmer than what porn sites and "onlyfans" would suggest.

If you feel like you're going to feel more fulfilled with being like the guys on TV, then you're going to have to get over your unwillingness to get out there and experience all the "feelings." If you're not willing to do that, then lower your expectations and try to meet someone who would simply like being next to you.
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