Is it me or is it him?

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Is it me or is it him?

Unread postby wanderlust35 » 19 June 2020, 19:17

Hi all,

I would like to know how we recognize someone who is in his closet or just weird from birth?

Almost a year ago I met an personal trainer. He looked "normal" and friendly. He spent his time helping me, which I find cool and doesn't often happen in the gyms with coaches. Towards the end of my session I had the feeling that he was flirting with me saying that "the gym was empty and that we were all alone, just him and me", with a little smile on his face. I don't understand anything about flirting so I didn't understand and just nodded and then changed the subject of the conversation.

He spent his time offering me his help and we had concluded, more or less, that we would see each other the next day so that he would help me (for free) during my training. I arrived much later than expected and he wasn't that happy and did not want to help me. A few weeks later we met again. He seemed happy to see me and came to talk to me. I figured he might have been in a bad mood the other time so I didn't try to understand. A few days later we met again and he is not happy again. There, I started to be a little annoyed about his mood changing. He asked me if I wanted to participate to his group class and I had to refuse because I couldn't. The next day he sees me in the group class of another PT and, there, I told myself that it was the beginning of the end (I should have played Euro-million, I would be a multi millionaire at the moment). Since that time, almost a year, he is moody, no longer talk to me and look at me strangely every time we are together at the same time at the gym. In the meantime, I happened to greet him (who knows why) and he looked very happy with my hello then 10s later he looked at me like a psychopath as if I had done something wrong or killed his whole family.

For a while we were "talking" on FB but now he has stopped, probably because the last time I told him that I did not understand his behavior. I was just trying to know and understand why.

From what I know, he has problems with his family and/or his girlfriend but nothing more.
What bothers me is that he is upset for nothing. One or two missed training sessions together is not the end of the world and does not justify such behavior. We can always train together another time but he prefers to act like a kid.

I'm not sure what to think. I try to talk to him to understand but he reacts like a kid.
I know I will move on one day or another but it still upsets me a bit because I have the sensation that all those who are not alone in their heads are attracted to me as by a magnet. This situation had already happened to me with another coach and now with him. I wish I could just train without him playing psychopath but I have the sensation that it will be difficult.

Am I cursed ?!
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Re: Is it me or is it him?

Unread postby Eryx » 19 June 2020, 20:40

You've been playing this game for a year without either of you being even at least a bit upfront? Wow. I don't think I'd be able to stand that for so long.

Just talk to him about it. Tell him that you're interested and that you don't understand the mixed signals. If he's also interested, he'll finally be happy about it and tell you. If he's confused or straight, he'll make sure to tell you that he's not interested and you can finally start ignoring him.

What you probably already know is that things don't happen instantaneously in life. A year of passive-aggressive interactions must have taught you that.

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Re: Is it me or is it him?

Unread postby wanderlust35 » 20 June 2020, 10:21

That's soooo true!

Well, to be honest the 2nd time he started to be moody I started to ignore him (because it already happened to me with another PT some years ago) but the fact he was "talking" to me made me want to keep trying. Now he doesn't even want to reply to me and I don't know why. Also, I live alone in a small town where there's nothing to do and where I keep "finding" closet guys (with a "girlfriend"). At least, 3 guys like that in 5 months!

I'm trying to get out of that small town. It's not a life.
I think I hurt myself for nothing just because I have nothing to do right now. I know it's not normal either.
He will be sad and unhappy all his life and even if I made him smile (a BIG smile until his ears, not a normal one) I don't know if our relationship will be that great. I can't change him.

Anyway, thank you for your answer. I was wondering if it was my fault or not. Now I think I have my answer.
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Joined: 19 June 2020, 19:01

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