Is it over?

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Is it over?

Unread postby JD518 » 25 April 2019, 02:48

Hi All,

New here and very lost, sad, and confused. A verrrry complex situation that I am hoping to get some advice on.

Some background:
I was unfaithful to my husband (homosexual male couple) in October 2016, which he found out about in November 2017. We have been trying ever since to heal. About 7 months ago (October 2018) he told me he cheated on me that previous Summer. I managed to move past it pretty easily, understanding that anyone can make a mistake - I obviously did. Well he then attempted to cheat on me the next month, which I realized he was attempting when I caught him en-route. Now, he cheated on me this past week. THREE times he tried, 2 times with success.

Anyone would say "Oh yeah, its time to go." - which I would agree. But the situation is a little more complicated than that. We have played with others (together) for a while and after his second attempt at cheating, we discussed possibly opening up our relationship but never made a decision. I was away on business a few months ago and was approached at the hotel bar by a charming gentleman who I shared drinks with the rest of the night. Because I swore I would never cheat on my husband again, I called him and explained the situation and he gave me the green-light to get intimate with the gentleman. I did...

Husband then went on a trip and I gave him the same green-light he gave me; he did not do anything. I did back at home while he was away, but not without calling and getting the green-light from him.

We had discussion at length about what I need is, if you are going to sleep with someone, consult with me first. I would like to know so my imagine doesnt run rampant wondering "what if." I would like the peace of mind but do not mind the actual act. But doing so without consulting me feels like a betrayal. I drew the line and made it very clear.

This discussion was weeks before him cheating last week and yet he still proceeded to do it without talking to me. Well, i went completely bolistic. I got physical, tried to drag him out of the house, socked him in the shoulder, poured water on him, and even spit at him. I am sooo regretful for getting so physical and am deeply ashamed. I have never gotten physical like that in my life and will pay that price by beating myself up for a long time to come. However, I was pushed to my line. Three times now he has done this to me. The first two times I cried for weeks, he saw the hurt in me, and yet didnt care enough to stop himself from doing it again.

The situation:
So I have done something horrible, i've cheated and gotten physical. He's done something horrible, cheated three times dispite the freedom I have given him, and lost my trust.

Is it over?

We've been together six years, married for three. We do love each other but at this point, I am worried the damage is irraparable. We have a lot in common, but not everything. We are different in many ways that cause conflict, but we make each other laugh and can have so much fun together. I dont know what to do. I have sought counseling but am reaching out hear as well. Im so lost.

Sending love.
J.
JD518
 
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Re: Is it over?

Unread postby Jryski » 6 May 2019, 18:36

I would start by asking yourself what you want in this relationship and when you know the answer ask him what he wants.
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