Is she interested in me? I need help.

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Is she interested in me? I need help.

Unread postby MChammer2020 » 4 December 2020, 16:17

I am trying to get advice on whether or not a girl is interested in me as she has sent me mixed signals. I am a 22-year-old femme who is pansexual. I have always dated men, but I recently met this lesbian girl who I am attracted to and interested in. We met working together on a free-lance job. I have never dated a girl before, so this is my first real girl crush. We hung out with a mutual friend (who worked with us) at a brewery a few weeks ago, and she was definitely a little flirty, and I noticed she kept looking at me a lot. The three of us ended up going back to her apartment to hang/talk, but then I had to leave. I got her number before leaving, and we texted a little. We tried to hang out 2 days later, but she was too busy; I told her to just hit me up if she wanted to hang/next time she’s free. Well she ended up texting me inviting me to a bar, so I showed up. I was super nervous, but it was going pretty well. About an hour or so in, she was like “oh yeah... one of my guy friends is meeting me here, too.” I didn’t really mind because I enjoy meeting new people (obvi that’s a mixed signal tho). Then, she invited us back to her apartment, and we talked until 3am. It went well, then her friend left and it was just the two of us. I had been very obviously flirty with her all night, and she would flirt here and there, but wasn’t as obvious about it. So, I ended up asking her if she was interested/attracted to me... she said yes, but then went on to have a 2-3 hour heart-to-heart with me about how she just needs to take things slow and can’t jump into a relationship too quickly because her past girlfriend of 3.5 years cheated on her (she is struggling with trust, and needs time to get to know someone). It was a very vulnerable night, and we both shared a lot. She kept saying “I don’t normally open up like this to anyone”. Well, then she asked me to lay in bed with her, and we cuddled/fell asleep, but she initiated it. Morning came, and I helped her load her car up for her trip back home (she was driving home for Thanksgiving to be home with family for the next month). BUT she told me we could stay in touch over text until she gets back.
We end up texting here and there over the next few days (not every day, but every few days). It was really more me driving the conversation. We both admitted to being bad texters, though. About 5 days ago though, I was having a tough time with my mental health and we were sort of talking about it. I ended up asking her if she was okay with me flirting with her and if she was interested in still getting to know each other (which was probably a mistake? I’m not sure, I was super nervous), and that I would respect whatever boundaries she needed as I know she’s still trying to heal from her last relationship. Well she hasn’t texted me back since, and it’s almost been a week. I obviously am not going to text her again because the ball is in her court, but I feel like I messed up by texting her that. And I’m super confused if she’s actually into me. I really like her though, but I am thinking maybe I should just let it go and just worry about myself right now?
She is 13 years older than me, so I’m not sure if that’s why she’s maybe more reluctant, too?
I am 100% willing to give her time to heal, and to just be more of friends right now if that’s what she needs. I just wish she could be honest with me with where she’s at :/ Or even be honest if she’s not feeling it. She still follows me on Instagram.
Any advice is greatly appreciated as I am obviously very new to dating women :)
I’ve tried watching tons of YouTube advice videos for lesbian relationships specifically, but again, because of all the mixed signals, it’s super hard to tell whether or not she genuinely isn’t interested in me, or if she just needs time.
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Re: Is she interested in me? I need help.

Unread postby Eryx » 10 December 2020, 01:24

I think after this much time it would be okay to tell her something along the lines of "Hey, I'm sorry if I scared you off, but I still value the friendship we were building and I don't mind if we don't talk about this anymore." Or maybe not, if you feel like it would make you feel too vulnerable.

I like that you're very well-resolved about all this though, it's a great mindset. If it doesn't work out this time, you're sure to find someone who will be able to value your clear-mindedness.
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Re: Is she interested in me? I need help.

Unread postby ActiveDoc » 9 March 2021, 00:35

Let me start by saying: dating women can be tricky to figure out, depending on the woman 😂

However, in this case, I agree with Eryx. Putting a message out there after awhile (two weeks or so) wouldn’t be out of the ordinary and would clear the air, allowing you to know what’s going on instead of having to speculate and feel uncertain about it.

I’ll add that if she can’t communicate clearly this early on, that’s probably a red flag to keep an eye on for later.
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Re: Is she interested in me? I need help.

Unread postby Raynethemagi » 9 March 2021, 00:49

Well, like you said, the ball is in her court. And there could be a billion reasons why she hasn't texted you back. You just never really know. I would just wait, and if she says something, then continue on, but if she doesn't say anything more about it, you have your answer.

Regardless I wish you all the luck in the world.
Here's an example of the Universe trying to tell you that you need healing in an area of your life:

Someone who struggles with showing emotion. This person, in their lifetime, will constantly struggle with this, and that is because, they choose to ignore or disregard the fact that they have trouble showing emotion. Most people will ignore this issue, and will continue to fracture themselves. And this goes with pretty much any problem that happens in your life that is recurring. Don't pass up an opportunity to make you "whole" again.
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