Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

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Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby jaredjoy90 » 14 October 2021, 22:43

When we met 7 years ago, I recently was in an accident that left me unable to achieve an erection, so I tried having sex with a man I met on vacation who turned out to be the man I married. He helped me accept that I was never going to have sexual intercourse with a woman again, and introduced me to gay sex which I was a little resentful of at first, it felt like i was a forced bottom... but after a while I learned to really enjoy it, and he was pretty patient with me. I learned to like penises and not feel bad about satisfying a man.

The problem is: I'm 32 and kept myself in shape, I went back and got a masters degree since we met, make good money, and have lots of energy. He on the other hand is 52, about 50 pounds overweight, never wants to do anything with me. I don't find him interesting anymore and we find ourselves in different rooms at home all the time. We have sex maybe once a week now. Its half satisfying. I like that even though he's tired and overweight, he does give me his all. Thats really the only time I enjoy being in his company.

Should i consider divorce? I mean the grass is always greener on the other side, but its just that there is 168 hours in a week and I really only want to spend 30 minutes of it with my partner.
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby pozzie » 14 October 2021, 22:59

Seems like you're well on the way to answering your own question. It all comes down to weighing the happiness and comfort against all the things that make you want something different. Have you guys tried talking about it?
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby Eryx » 14 October 2021, 23:22

Yeah, pretty much, therapy or divorce...
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby jaredjoy90 » 16 October 2021, 06:37

Well we had a discussion and he is going to move out for a bit. I'm free to date and sleep with other guys now. It would be completely tasteless to do it right away but this is the first time I have been excited about something for a while. Exciting times are ahead! ===D m
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby pozzie » 16 October 2021, 06:52

Wish you all the luck going forward - may you find the happiness you seek! :)
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby jaredjoy90 » 16 October 2021, 07:23

pozboro wrote:Wish you all the luck going forward - may you find the happiness you seek! :)


Thank you my good sir.
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby katzgar » 17 October 2021, 18:08

jaredjoy90 wrote:
pozboro wrote:Wish you all the luck going forward - may you find the happiness you seek! :)


Thank you my good sir.


purely suspicion on my part but you may notbe free to have sex with whoever. Depends alot on his frame of mind.
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby NobodySpecial » 19 October 2021, 01:54

It is your life, and you have to live it as you see fit because you and only you live with the consequences -- both good and bad.

From my standpoint, I don't quite follow you. If you look over all your posts, I see mixed feelings.. Sometimes it sounds like he is a wonderful person, other times a bit selfish. I myself am a top, but I cannot function because of my own ED. However that doesn't change my orientation. I still crave a manly, muscular, hairy bottom man. I did so even before I had sex -- I found myself staring at such men's behinds. I have no craving for cock. HOWEVER, I very much love a man, and because of that, I love what is attached to him. Again, it is about loving the man -- not the cock. So when you say your partner didn't even want to touch your cock because he ia a "total" top. That sounds so odd. However, likewise, from your standpoint, I cannot understand you not enjoying his attempt to please you by rimming. Sure you have to clean yourself out to make sure there is no sh^&*(t involved, but I would think it would move your heart to think he is trying to please you.

I also do not quite follow your emphasis on his weight. Belive me as a 61 year old, the older you get the more your metabolism slows down. I have no problem with using an elicptical machine for 2 hours and 10 minutes every day -- except i cannot do it with a mask on. All that huffing and puffing in a mask is uncomfortable. When it gets cooler, I will go back to biking outside. However, that doesn't put a dent in my weight like it used to do in my 30's and 40's. For many of us, you simply have to eat much less. That is the real hard part. I always felt that it would be easier to give something completely up than to simply moderate something more. However, when it comes to food, you cannot give it up, you just have to cut back. I have a hard cutting back. Again, I'm not excusing myself, or for that matter your partner, but realize that there is a BIG difference between early 30's vs early 50's when it comes to a person's health."

Anyway, I hope you find whatever you really want. Just realize that there is no perfect mate, because there are no perfect people. There are times I might feel like I'm fed up, but then my partner does something wonderful and unexpected and it is like falling for him all lover again. Case in point, he did some things that really pissed me off the other day. Then today, he said he would take me to a ghost town where they are having their annual reunion of descendants. I had planned on going down by myself -- something like 150 miles. Well he was worried about the fact I sleep alot, and he worried I would fall asleep at the wheel. So out of the blue, he took this Saturday off, and will dive me down there. then afterwards we can go a bit further to visit his parents. Again, he changed HIS Saturday, to my benefit. We have been together 18+ years now. While we are not "married", I am married to him in my heart, and would not trade him for anybody else. We are the same age, but I know he could do better with someone else given that my cock won't stay hard, but he sticks by me. If that isn't a keeper, I don't what a keeper is.
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby jaredjoy90 » 19 October 2021, 07:00

NobodySpecial wrote:It is your life, and you have to live it as you see fit because you and only you live with the consequences -- both good and bad.

From my standpoint, I don't quite follow you. If you look over all your posts, I see mixed feelings.. Sometimes it sounds like he is a wonderful person, other times a bit selfish. I myself am a top, but I cannot function because of my own ED. However that doesn't change my orientation. I still crave a manly, muscular, hairy bottom man. I did so even before I had sex -- I found myself staring at such men's behinds. I have no craving for cock. HOWEVER, I very much love a man, and because of that, I love what is attached to him. Again, it is about loving the man -- not the cock. So when you say your partner didn't even want to touch your cock because he ia a "total" top. That sounds so odd. However, likewise, from your standpoint, I cannot understand you not enjoying his attempt to please you by rimming. Sure you have to clean yourself out to make sure there is no sh^&*(t involved, but I would think it would move your heart to think he is trying to please you.

I also do not quite follow your emphasis on his weight. Belive me as a 61 year old, the older you get the more your metabolism slows down. I have no problem with using an elicptical machine for 2 hours and 10 minutes every day -- except i cannot do it with a mask on. All that huffing and puffing in a mask is uncomfortable. When it gets cooler, I will go back to biking outside. However, that doesn't put a dent in my weight like it used to do in my 30's and 40's. For many of us, you simply have to eat much less. That is the real hard part. I always felt that it would be easier to give something completely up than to simply moderate something more. However, when it comes to food, you cannot give it up, you just have to cut back. I have a hard cutting back. Again, I'm not excusing myself, or for that matter your partner, but realize that there is a BIG difference between early 30's vs early 50's when it comes to a person's health."

Anyway, I hope you find whatever you really want. Just realize that there is no perfect mate, because there are no perfect people. There are times I might feel like I'm fed up, but then my partner does something wonderful and unexpected and it is like falling for him all lover again. Case in point, he did some things that really pissed me off the other day. Then today, he said he would take me to a ghost town where they are having their annual reunion of descendants. I had planned on going down by myself -- something like 150 miles. Well he was worried about the fact I sleep alot, and he worried I would fall asleep at the wheel. So out of the blue, he took this Saturday off, and will dive me down there. then afterwards we can go a bit further to visit his parents. Again, he changed HIS Saturday, to my benefit. We have been together 18+ years now. While we are not "married", I am married to him in my heart, and would not trade him for anybody else. We are the same age, but I know he could do better with someone else given that my cock won't stay hard, but he sticks by me. If that isn't a keeper, I don't what a keeper is.



Well we WERE getting along great. But then he had been doing lots to get on my nerves. I am not sure if it's to tick me off or just because he's lazy. Like each of the past weekends, I will guarantee you he watched so much tv. The house was a mess. His dishes all over. His clothes all over. He literally couldn't pay for groceries the other day as I found out his credit card was maxed out, something he lied to me about. This isn't just about sex. He's become a liability. He still makes me laugh, and he's not mean spirited. Whenever we go out everyone loves him. But that isn't what makes a relationship work. I am tired of working long hours to come home to the house being mess, tv blaring. Anyway thats my rant
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby jaredjoy90 » 21 October 2021, 19:14

Following up... last night he called me and asked for my blessing if he could go on a date with a woman tonight. I called off our relationship so of course I told him to go ahead. There was a sense of relief in his voice. It was like some weight was lifted off his shoulders. He was probably tired of me and has been for some time. Its not really painful as its been expected. He wasn't looking forward to spending time with me, motivation gone. Hopefully we both move onto better things.
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby pozzie » 21 October 2021, 22:31

Yeah, it's really hard to know what's going on in his mind if he doesn't tell you. If you can be friendly going forward, that's always a plus, but otherwise don't worry about it too much.

So, what's your plan of attack to meet some new men? :naughty:
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Re: Just not into my husband anymore, sexually, physically or socially

Unread postby jaredjoy90 » 22 October 2021, 22:08

pozboro wrote:Yeah, it's really hard to know what's going on in his mind if he doesn't tell you. If you can be friendly going forward, that's always a plus, but otherwise don't worry about it too much.

So, what's your plan of attack to meet some new men? :naughty:


As far as I know, each of us is ok with the breakup. I owned the house we lived in and he owns an apartment. We each paid for our own assets during the marriage and I think it will stay the same in the divorce settlement. Neither one of us contesting for common assets. As the difference in equity in each property wouldn't be worth the legal costs and I view fighting in court over these things to be pity. The only real monetary issue to deal with is getting our money back from a trip we are now cancelling.

As for moving on: Its been almost 2 weeks and I have kind of enjoyed the house to myself. Dating again will come in time, just make it be fun. I have always been a relationship kind of guy, so patience is a must!
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