Lonely but bad with people?

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Lonely but bad with people?

Unread postby dragonfire » 9 September 2020, 23:28

So I’m absolutely horrible with people. I try my best, but I’m always massively socially awkward in every situation. And even online where I used to at least have some ability to connect with people, I don’t seem to be able to much anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some great people here and in other places too. But no matter what I try I can never find the right way to connect with anyone and I don’t know why.

I am only very close to one person who I will always love and appreciate so much, but I know that for my own mental health I need to try to expand my horizons a little. But I just can’t seem to make it happen. I’m kind of at a loss.

I keep thinking stuff like what’s wrong with me, and it’s so draining. Like sometimes I don’t even want to become close to anybody but I can’t seem to engage in any sort of basic conversation a lot of the time.

I’m really sorry if most of this stuff is totally irrelevant to what this forum is about but I wanted to post it here because I know there are a lot of supportive users and this affects pretty much all my relationships.

I’m kind of a mess and I really don’t want to be.

I hope this stuff is okay to talk about here and maybe I should take an internet break for a while after this, I’m more guilty than anyone of chronic oversharing. I just wanted to know if anyone has any thoughts on this. I’m prepared for anything from absolutely brutal honesty to tumbleweed levels of silence :P

And I’m sorry this is so long winded too. I’m just tired of not being able to think about any new friendships or relationships because I’m just too stupid and/or naive to really know how to approach them. It’s a very lonely place to be.
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Re: Lonely but bad with people?

Unread postby Toddo » 9 September 2020, 23:58

Maybe it’s a little over thinking? I feel like I was like that too a lot of the time.

Always felt like I had to force a conversation so it’s not awkward, which in turn the conversation just turned out to be awkward.

The way I moved forward is just letting it come naturally/ letting it flow, and I know that might be a cliche thing to say but it’s true, at least it was for me.

When I stopped worrying about forcing conversations things just seemed to flow more naturally with people.

Also you can’t avoid awkward conversations either, they will happen. Just have to take more of a positive outlook to it and don’t over analyze it.

So I guess in all what I’m trying to say is don’t force anything, don’t feel like you have be forced to connect with someone or force conversations. Connecting with people is hard as is, we all come from different backgrounds and stories.. so it can take time for a connection to develop sometimes.
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Re: Lonely but bad with people?

Unread postby Toddo » 10 September 2020, 00:05

Also as for the sharing part, don’t feel guilty about sharing.

This community on here is the best, they’ve helped me a lot when I was more active back then. I still hold on to a lot of the advice people gave me on here, close to me to this day.

Keep sharing especially if it helps :)
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Re: Lonely but bad with people?

Unread postby dragonfire » 10 September 2020, 00:59

Thank you Toddo, I really appreciate your replies.

It could be overthinking, I’m good at that. But I know I genuinely have a lot of faults and issues and can’t always tell if I’m just overthinking or if I actually have a problem with something. It’s kind of annoying doubting myself that way all the time.

And I know what you mean about forcing a conversation too. I like to think I don’t do that anymore, but it can still be hard to find that flow.

I think sometimes the hardest part is being the first to start a conversation. That’s not always the case, but I do think there’s something to that.

Basically I’m impatient. I feel lost and crappy, so I look for a quick, easy connection and get frustrated when that doesn’t work out. To the point where I don’t know how to maintain much long term anymore.

I am lucky enough to know somebody who I do know long term and I hope to know that way for the rest of my life. But I’ve messed up so many times in so many ways with people that I’m starting to think I just can’t do it anymore. I could be wrong.

And this community can be absolutely amazing, you’re so right. I just know I can be hard to handle sometimes, and I don’t mean to be that way. I have a lot of faults but I really want to do my best to identify them and be the best person I can be. I know that’s not a quick or easy journey though.
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Re: Lonely but bad with people?

Unread postby Toddo » 10 September 2020, 03:16

dragonfire wrote:Thank you Toddo, I really appreciate your replies.

It could be overthinking, I’m good at that. But I know I genuinely have a lot of faults and issues and can’t always tell if I’m just overthinking or if I actually have a problem with something. It’s kind of annoying doubting myself that way all the time.

And I know what you mean about forcing a conversation too. I like to think I don’t do that anymore, but it can still be hard to find that flow.

I think sometimes the hardest part is being the first to start a conversation. That’s not always the case, but I do think there’s something to that.

Basically I’m impatient. I feel lost and crappy, so I look for a quick, easy connection and get frustrated when that doesn’t work out. To the point where I don’t know how to maintain much long term anymore.

I am lucky enough to know somebody who I do know long term and I hope to know that way for the rest of my life. But I’ve messed up so many times in so many ways with people that I’m starting to think I just can’t do it anymore. I could be wrong.

And this community can be absolutely amazing, you’re so right. I just know I can be hard to handle sometimes, and I don’t mean to be that way. I have a lot of faults but I really want to do my best to identify them and be the best person I can be. I know that’s not a quick or easy journey though.



Hey, don’t get so down on yourself like that. Everyone has imperfections, everyone has insecurities. The only thing you can do is just improve upon them, and it’s a process.

That’s very true, the hardest part is starting a conversation, but something like a compliment to the other person can go a very long ways.

It’s just something you have to work at, everyone is impatient at some point, but you will learn to deal with it better as time moves on.

I know we all want things here and now ( I want that too) but sometimes the best things take time to develop. The more time and effort that is put into these things the more we hold those things dear to us, rather it be connecting with someone or a personal goal.

That’s good that you do have someone that has been around long term. :)
Just try not to compare that long term connection with anyone else. Try not to think well if this connection isn’t like the long term connection I have then I don’t want it type thing. (And I’m not saying your doing that at all I’m just throwing that out there :) )

Everyone messes up, don’t let that stop you from making new connections. We the human race are nothing but mistakes, it’s what we learn from it; is what makes us better. (Cliche I know hahaha I’m full of them) But in all seriousness it makes us learn not to do it again. So don’t worry about making mistakes and definitely don’t dwell on the mistakes to the point where is discourages you, learn from it and move on you’ll be happier in doing so :))

It already sounds like you want to improve yourself and work on the things that you think you are weak in. Which is wonderful! Keep wanting to improve yourself and trust me you will get there :)

Just remember your not alone on a lot of these things your feeling, I know I’ve been in the same situation maybe not identical but the same feelings. I know it’s hard, but just be as positive as you can through it all. :)
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Re: Lonely but bad with people?

Unread postby Jzone » 10 September 2020, 05:14

dragonfire wrote:I have a lot of faults but I really want to do my best to identify them and be the best person I can be. I know that’s not a quick or easy journey though.

Keep in mind that each of us can be our own worst enemy. You know all of your faults and weaknesses and how to exploit them. Then you can put yourself down for doing that so well. This is a very difficult cycle to break, but worth the effort. Who you are right now is not your own fault, at least not entirely. So many factors and influences were involved over which you had no control. Change some small things, have patience, and work your way up to bigger issues. Taking on the big stuff first usually doesn't work or last.
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Re: Lonely but bad with people?

Unread postby Jryski » 10 September 2020, 09:51

Knowing your faults is one thing. As long as you’re not toxic, embracing your faults is what’s going to make you like yourself more. When you do, people will automatically gravitate towards you. :3
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Re: Lonely but bad with people?

Unread postby dragonfire » 10 September 2020, 20:37

Thanks Toddo, you may have used some cliches but they weren't bad ones :P

I'm really grateful for you taking the time to reply :)

And thank you too Jzone, that's true about the factors. I think it's important for me to try to be as honest with myself and other people as I can and as you say, to try to change the small things. Without really understanding where I am and what I think about things then it's not really possible to move forwards in a constructive way.

I'm grateful for your advice too Jryski, thank you for posting here. I don't think I'm toxic. I have been known to misunderstand people and situations and cause problems because I feel anxious and stressed and stuck in different circumstances but I don't think I've ever tried to deliberately bring someone down. And embracing faults is good advice as well. Or at least recognising them and understanding them, I think anyway.

I'm really grateful again for everyone's replies, you've all helped and given me some useful stuff to think about.
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