Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

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Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby Jaket403 » 6 July 2018, 16:25

28 yo guy here. Ive been in the closet my whole life somewhat recently I came out to my mom after being backed into a corner. Being 28 no kids or girlfriend or even prospects my mom had questions and i couldnt think of anymore excuses. Most of my life ive been fine with being in the closet, honestly it didnt bother me. But now as im getting older I am starting to think about my future, and im honestly tired of tackling life alone. Im looking for the one, but thats easier said than done. Ive had some semi serious relationships with guys before but with me being in the closet they always ended up wanting more than I was willing to give. Plus, thise guys were more me being desperate for intimate contact versus having true feelings. Now im at this point where im ready to go all in, im finally comfortable enough with myself to really give ot a try. The problem is that there doesnt seem to be anyone that is on my level or on the same page as me. And the handful of times I have found someone on the same page as me they are guys i see myself being friends with but not really attracted too or the exact opposite where im attracted to someone but they dont even give me the time of day. I worry that Ill be playing this game for the rest of my life and never really end up with anyone to call mine. I see friends, and movies and tv shows and all I want is someone to look at me the way I look at them. Is this an unrealistic expectation. How do attract guys that are into me in the same way I am into them. What am I doing wrong? Is the kind of love or connection im hoping for even real. Honestly, does it exist? I need guidance, or help or something. I feel like im floating in the ocean with no life vest on. Did I make a mistake by finally admitting to myself who I am? By coming out did i banish myself to a life of lonliness? I could be with a woman tomorrow and start a family but thats not what I want but the life and companionship is something I want. Im worried that ill never find what im looking for in another guy. But im also worried if i try to make it happen with a woman that ill have what I want but i ld be miserable and I feel like it would be unfair and wrong for the woman to possibly ruin someone elses life and future for my own selfish wants. Discouraged guy here looking for a silver lining. Any and all advice, comments are welcome go easy on me though lol. Lonely and scared in texas out.
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby CapreseBOY » 7 July 2018, 08:02

Sorry to hear you’re so lonely, are you using Grindr at all, so you can show what you’re looking for? It’s good to see that you know what you want, and don’t want to waste your time with a woman, or waste her time. I’m also 28, just remember we’re still young :) I just left a relationship, and I fully understand your desire for companionship, I already miss it after 3 months of being single. But like I said, we are still young, so much can and WILL still happen, stay strong and look forward to your future :) :heart:
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby PopTart » 7 July 2018, 14:28

Your problem might be, that your looking.

Sounds strange, I know, but it can be all too easy to become pre-occupied with the idea of the guy your looking for, that you don't leave room for that essential element. Possibility.

Your going to meet guys you don't click with, your going to meet guys yu like who don't like you in turn and vice-versa. It can be really tough and hard to go through sometimes, but all you can do is keep trying.

And try not to have ANY set expectations. Go out with the intention of meeting people, not for love or companionship, but for the sake of getting to know people. Sooner or later, one of those people you meet, might just ignite a slow burning interest that given time and effort, will flourish into something meaningful and even profound.

It's not gauranteed, nothing in life is, getting used to that idea can make feeling lonely, less oppressive. But you never know. Lightening may strike.
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby DoctorWho » 7 July 2018, 19:46

A relationship is much like building a house / building.

You need to start by knowing what you want, there are many types of houses, etc.....
You start with a foundation in both.

Not every house is for everyone.

Some people require much work,
Are you willing to invest that much ?

Also, many dream of a Mansion, they can never have, however, ignore a nice Cottage they can be comfortable in for the rest of their lives.
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby Jaket403 » 8 July 2018, 17:35

Sometimes, I just get tired you know. It feels like I'm the only person on the planet who can't get what he wants. Sometimes i wonder if I'm meant to even have it. I feel like I'll be the 80 yo man who never really found out what love is
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby DoctorWho » 8 July 2018, 18:44

There is an old story about a guy in a flood area, and he climbs higher until he is on the roof of a house, and he prays to get saved.

A guy passes by on a raft and tells him to get on, and he refuses, God will provide etc.....
A launch passes by and he responds the same.
He gives the same response to every rescue vehicle that passes by.

Finally, he drowns and goes to Heaven and asks why he drowned,
Response: We sent many people to rescue you, and you refused them all.


Moral to the story; If you set the bar way too high, you will never find anyone good enough.
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby Jaket403 » 8 July 2018, 19:09

Lol, at this point the bar is practically non existent. But i see what your saying
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 10 July 2018, 01:27

I pretty much go with PopTart's approach. As you get to know a person better and better you will determine if that person makes a good fit for a partner in life. Sure you can have a check list and all but to what end - eliminating all possibilities (DoctorWho's point). Worse case of a failed attempt at a BF is that you end up learning as much about yourself as the other person which translates to better experiences down the road.
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 10 July 2018, 07:48

Jaket403 wrote:I feel like I'll be the 80 yo man who never really found out what love is


Leave that over to me. I'm already half way down that road.

And go out to meet people. Might be you have to meet some of the awkward ones, some of the rude, some of the bitchy, and some of the boring, until the certain one may arrive. Most folks don't grow 80 and never meet anyone suitable. It's over to the ugly and these not suitable.

You're still young, you can use that advantage. It's a very wanted one, too, by other young fellas and the older, too.

Said bar is always set way to high, until you meet someone at the same altitude, eh.
Don't wait inside until you're old.
If ya want to hang with me, let's go windsurfing!

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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby mastmck » 29 July 2018, 15:23

Jaket403 wrote:Sometimes, I just get tired you know. It feels like I'm the only person on the planet who can't get what he wants. Sometimes i wonder if I'm meant to even have it. I feel like I'll be the 80 yo man who never really found out what love is

Don't worry you're not the only person who feels like the only person on the planet who can't get what he wants, I feel exactly the same way, I look around and see my friends and family who always get the people that they want and then there's me who can't get anyone.
Moral of the story: you're not alone at feeling that way
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby math2018 » 29 July 2018, 23:26

Relax, you're only 28. Life isn't a race, enjoy the time you get to be single. Take your time to meet and know people and make friends. Besides, those friends will most likely help you to meet someone potentially interesting. I wouldn't recommend meeting apps like grindr, since most people there are only looking for sex, you'll end up jaded.
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby DoctorWho » 30 July 2018, 16:10

Jaket403 wrote:Lol, at this point the bar is practically non existent. But i see what your saying


Why don't you try making some Gay freinds first ?
Go to the gym, meet for lunch, dress nice, look attractive, forget about sex for a while, you might be pleasantly surprised that if you are not looking, a g hawt prospect might try to snag you !
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 July 2018, 19:00

Why don't you try making some Gay freinds first ?


As the expression goes, I would kill to have gay friends. I guess I'm rather selective about friends and always will be.
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby xrayspex78 » 1 August 2018, 02:43

Hey jacket403 I know exactly how you feel. If we would have stayed in Texas you would have been in luck. ;)

Anyway as Blossom Dearie sang

“If you've never been in love
And you're longing for the happiness it brings
Try your wings”

I know it can be difficult to get out and meet folks. A lot of times that is easier said than done. I sincerely believe that everyone is destined to meet someone.
It is hard to stop searching and can also be difficult to cast your fate to the wind.
Hang in there mate. We’re in the same boat together. :)
“I got no trophies on display
I sign them away
I mean what the heck”

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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby Jaket403 » 1 August 2018, 05:19

If only
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my oppinion

Unread postby SnoopSincere » 1 August 2018, 14:41

First thing you need to do is stop crying, then start doing something. Sorry if I’m too straight but it’s your life and you should work to become successful. Hard work is the key for business, education, and relationships, as well. So, if you want to find a partner, then stop being self-pity. At first, rethink your life, set goals, and try to reach inner harmony. Then try to find people who also want to meet partners. For this purpose you may visit pubs in the city or join dating sites (here are some of them: http://datingtop10.net/gay-sites-like-craigslist/ ). Communicate with guys IRL or online, build friendship or romantic relationships. You can do it, but you need to start acting first.
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby Jaket403 » 1 August 2018, 16:49

Lol I can't believe I never thought of that. Look for guys with the same interest as me. Brilliant!!! :/ bro no one knows the meaning of hard work better than me. It's easier said than done man
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 1 August 2018, 17:08

Jaket403 wrote:Lol I can't believe I never thought of that. Look for guys with the same interest as me. Brilliant!!! :/ bro no one knows the meaning of hard work better than me. It's easier said than done man


Yep, welcome to the club as a normal gay guy looking for same...

Jaket403 wrote:...recently I came out to my mom after ...

Be happy about that. My circumstances are/were such that I never told my parents nor any of my siblings. In that I now have some regret. So at the very least you have some upside. Recently I'm finding life to be better out than in the closet but that it is a bit of a process too.

Jaket403 wrote:...But now as im getting older I am starting to think about my future ...


A partner is important. But "you" are important too. Best to have at least that in your head while on that journey.
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I love to travel but hate to arrive -- Albert Einstein
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The only thing worse than an Did Not Finish (DNF) is an Did Not Start (DNS). ~~ Me
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It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. ~~ Chinese fortune cookie
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 1 August 2018, 17:09

Oh, welcome to GFO. Why not wander over to the Introductions and post one...
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It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. ~~ Chinese fortune cookie
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Re: Lonely, what am I doing wrong?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 1 August 2018, 17:18

Jaket403 wrote:By coming out did i banish myself to a life of lonliness? I could be with a woman tomorrow and start a family but thats not what I want but the life and companionship is something I want. Im worried that ill never find what im looking for in another guy. But im also worried if i try to make it happen with a woman that ill have what I want but i ld be miserable and I feel like it would be unfair and wrong for the woman to possibly ruin someone elses life and future for my own selfish wants.


So your gay and don't want kids. Sounds like you couldn't make it work with a woman for any reason. Sounds like to me you know what you want. No you did not banish yourself from a life of loneliness when you came out but I think you will come to quite the opposite opinion soon. Be patient. Don't give up. It will happen.
---
I love to travel but hate to arrive -- Albert Einstein
---
The only thing worse than an Did Not Finish (DNF) is an Did Not Start (DNS). ~~ Me
---
It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. ~~ Chinese fortune cookie
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